The question is....? #14

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You know through the years I have gotten to know you so very well, it is frightening in a way. I have learnt a very important thing about you--your response time is looooooooong. You spend much time thinking about "things, stuff,whatever"--me, I jump in it head first and gets me into trouble, but I am learning this form of action from you well--as maybe you  may have observed.

It was some days ago that I said the thing about your touching  statement--and lo and behold here you are today asking as to what it maybe :-).Ah--yes--your card this minute:  "ILLUMINATION" is the key word--well spoken, but above all "your own path--whatever, where ever, however" --is a huge lesson well learnt as well. You see that is exactly the only secret. Wisdom of sages has to be practiced in one`s own way--not the way one is told to practice it.


 The penny has fallen for you, for often you were very hard on yourself--probably still are at times. Old habits are hard to break--but eventually they do exit. Sweetheart--you are doing great, better than ever--this is what spirituality is--getting into the muck of life. As I said in my previous entry--it is easy being spiritual and godly when things are running like a Swiss clock.

Now darling--you are actually living your vocation. Religion is not a church, neither is chanting mantras spirituality nor is quoting Buddha verbatum enlightenment. I like the new you, well love the old , the new and the next one to emerge :-) But, you could, nor can ever do wrong by me--why? I haven`t the foggiest--yes, those "new agers, those lightworkers" you love so much :-) would call it--karma. I just call it love.

Now--I have totally gotten off on a tangent--the question was what touched me the most that you have ever written to me? 

Well-- very simple, your letter heading on my birthday:

 To love an angel :-).
 Thank you--for I love an angel also.

The internet #13

Strange as it seems--one tends to forget that the internet is a world-wide web, thus often many get into hot water and get burned.  Generally what I write are personal blogs, either to you or myself, however the entire universe is watching. Though--all are welcome to read it, for it contains no great secrets, just conversations from my heart. Just in passing--I need to say that the internet is amazing and it is  now the grown ups get separated from the children. Meaning--one can use it for expansion of consciousness or contraction of consciousness.

 We have a choice in determining the very future of our existence--and even beyond. Make wise choices my friends, chose with wisdom, intelligence and above all love, for the universe is very fair--whatever you do unto others you are certainly doing it to yourself--either in the present, or in the future.

Now--back to my original thought. One is able to check how many page views one has in total, or per day--but just by chance I came upon a page, on my own blog site where it will tell me  even from what countries it has been viewed--well call me stupid, but it blew my mind. Some pages have been read even in Russia--now it won`t tell me which page and how many, but the country of origin.

Actually this also brings an other idea to my mind that often we seem to say, but skim over without much depth of thought--that is our connectedness. We say we are one, we profess to be one but we most certainly do not act as one when it comes to others. This strange paradox, if I could call it that comes to life often when an other is in need.  Yes, then we are a singularity--mono, one--separate from everyone.

It is an interesting phenomena to watch people regarding this behavior. The other day when I was shopping for groceries there was a man with a sign--I don`t remember what it said, but he was asking for money. When I came out I handed him a bunch of grapes in a plastic bag--and handed him $2--and said that he should wipe the grapes. His answer first was that may I be blessed and then he said--"beggars can`t be choosers". As I drove home and thought about his statement, I was sorry that I had failed to tell him that he is only a beggar if he feels he is. He dosn`t need to choose that. Many with much are beggars and many with little have treasures. I shall tell him, when next time I see him--I am sure I will for he has to hear this message.

In that little inspirational God video --: One quotes is-

"It is not the one who has the most--It is always the one who needs the least, is the one who has the most".

But, really what struck me the most --as often it does, that scores of people walked past him without batting an eye lid, never mind giving a cent. The point I am trying to make here is that many people are uncaring, heartless and cruel---I know it will come back to haunt them. I ask you, would anyone be poorer without 25c. Everybody goes through hard times--we wouldn`t be human otherwise. It actually makes us remember our human frailties and that all is transient-- everything, but the things of spirit. Yet--often that is the fartherest thing from our mind.

When I was about 12 I had a wonderful young Afrikaans teacher that I truly loved-Miss. Shadlick this is what she wrote in my autograph book so many years ago:

"It is easy to smile and be happy when there are no clouds in the sky, but the time to be happy is when you feel dreary with the sky filled with dark clouds and nothing is going your way".  Yes-for everything passes. Mmm, I wonder how she would feel that I am remembering her? Wherever she is.

Driftwood #12

Actually this in a sense a continuation of yesterday`s entry. Yes--we are like driftwood in a way-- separate and very different. Dry, sun dried on a beach that is saturated with water. Thus we are so very different--and set apart from all and everything.

For reasons unbeknown to me there are certain things I love and adore--driftwood is one, but the closest to my heart are shells as anyone who is familiar with me knows--maybe there is much underwater life where I originate from, even living in liquid.. Today--I thought of took stock of what is important in what we call life,why we are actually in this process of creation. It is of course mostly for progression, for enlightenment as any good Buddhist will tell you, but I think above all to prove our existence before go God--or prove rather our worthiness. Now, how many of us can actually say, or even know, or most importantly--think about it in a conscious manner.

Ask a hundred souls, they will say --oh yes love your neighbor, do good-- but hardly anyone really lives it. Love, love, love--and I have to say that many of these so called "new age souls" are filled with it, but seldom demonstrate it. But it sounds real good, and perhaps it is sort of an absolution in a way for their own conscience.

Yes--"namaste" is the order or the day as a salutation, but I wonder how many actually know or ever think of its actual meaning or its implication it vibration. Not that I am  such a sanctimonious soul, far from it, but at least I try to be honest at least to myself--being anything else would be a total lie. Yet they do it.

I also often wonder--that what many of these so called "new age, enlightened souls"really believe in their heart of hearts--many I am convinced are simply fooling themselves. Trying to impress mostly themselves of their uniqueness and spirituality. I doubt that not one of any of the saints  went around blowing a trumpet about their special connection to God, or their sanctity. I am sure St Francis didn`t even told his animal audience.

I have thought that man is as time progresses is becoming more spiritual--by this I mean  being more God realized, that is recognizing that there is more to man that just matter. And I am not meaning religion at all--for only a minute number actually know what that means, or feels.

I haven`t been speaking with Her lately, but maybe it is time--so much is happening and it is sort of time for "de-cluttering" in many areas by that are important, namely spirit and soul. We get side tracked so easily--the lure of the material, of the persistence of ego is very strong and hypnotic almost.

I so wish I could be stronger to do what needs to be done--but I too am weak, no matter how I try. I swear to do things and it falls by the wayside, and then I hate myself--yet I am crystal clear on the "mission", yet little gets done, then comes the guilt.

The saints had it easy--through their faith came the strength of action--I suppose my faith is not as strong as it should be, or I am just being tested or perhaps hardened. For what? I am told often--"for things to come"--now that is one frightening statement for me--I certainly hate suffering and I am very bad at enduring pain and  love peace , quite and serenity. So what is to come--I hate and shall never ask, as I may become a total psychological wreck.

I have to admit my previous blog was in a similar vein, but it takes a while to adjust oneself  --so I just have to come to terms as to whom I am really and why I am here--as well as you. But the key that will open the door is to accept in all aspects --not half ass reality, not just the romantic notion--that we are from the stars. This is even more difficult of a challenge than just being an ordinary human  being, for it comes with enormous responsibility which is not that easy to comprehend. So now what?

A systematic following of the plan--that we our  self originally drew up--willingly, now it is time to realize it and bring it into action. My human side is fearful, however --we are not , are we?

Some days #11

k

 Now and again one gets reminded with a sudden jolt as why one is here, what is one`s mission really. A year or two ago--I asked Our Lady--/GOD, as to what is all this about. It was the time when there was much hoopla all over the internet on many site, around 2006. Why then, that I have no idea, but that  is when I met you this time around again. You stated  your galactic connections, the past which suddenly rang true for me. But the first time was really when John-Paul died and the "book of Gospel" story which I have already narrated, was kind of a turning point in realization, or perhaps "waking up" I had never thought of it before, neither did I know much of any "Reptilian" civilization, apart from the Zecharia Stichin, von Daniken and other weird and strange people by the score --whose interpretations of extra terrestrials was just a good read.

But then--the messages came, still do when I inquire, though not as much lately, for I don`t converse with Her much--for I did get my "mission statement"--what more is there to ask? Simply--just do it. Step by step plodding the road and whomever has to hear or understand will do just that. What does all this have to do with today--well, suddenly I am being reminded almost daily of the mission, which I haven`t been for a while. Why? I don`t know. I am told simply to follow my "higher self" and let it do the figuring out.

I hope you remember what we were told about the mission-- "to pull souls through". I am almost daily guided onto paths where I am meeting similar souls, with somewhat similar missions--strange how Our Lady works. Probably because I was kinda off the path consciously, probably distracted by the physical, the mundane.

I know that this year we have take our first steps into the next phase, everything for me is pointing to it. Yes, the Maya were right. Nothing is as was, nothing is as concrete as it was, all is much more --let`s say"porous", almost in a process of dissolving or dissolution. That is why time seems to be passing so fast, because it actually is. Now the process may take many years, but maybe not--of this I have no knowledge, neither would I ask the question. Somethings are better not asked, for I may not be happy with the answer.

Understanding the "time construction" is good to know, however it is not that vital for for  me--but for many that is the turning point, that I do understand. I think at this point in time, though a few pointers, I am more aware than ever  of my roots and my heritage--as I am also sure of yours. And I don`t mean the terrestrial one either.

Working for peace--in this system,  on this planet, in this nation, in our human  family is not an easy task, but that is what we signed up for. Remember how  She described the job "goodwill ambassadors".  I wasn`t that ecstatic about being called a "reptile" at the time, "dragon"sounds a bit more romantic, --however we are what we are.

In a most strange fashion, not that I would ever want to  convert anyone--that has to come from free will, but I have quite a few, as I am sure you also apart from your direct family. But, actually, Kai is a very strong impression for me, maybe your dad--though he may not say it directly to you. One can only help one who asks for help--or wants change, or wants to hear the truth.

No--we are not delude at all, trust me. At times when one gets side tracked it seems so as one gets into the wake of all the --flotsam and jetsam  of the world. We have to shake it all off or we loose focus.

I think it is time to do a bit of " prosthelytizing ", not in a religious context, but a spiritual one --in a small way, to sort of point in a direction of the way. How? Well, any which way one can--I know of a few, but the problem these days is time. But it is doable. I shall be back posting, well not as much as I did--but at least some to one group. I haven`t in a few weeks--they probably think that I have returned home to the stars.

However--every little step counts, and the time is nigh. Also a few other things which are prompting my spirit--I have lazed around enough, I have slipped off the wagon. You also, though the children are a full time responsibility and we are always where we need to be. I think it is time for soul searching--and breakaway from the lures of the material to some degree--though as Our Lord said: One cannot serve two masters, though we often try to juggle it, but I am not a  juggler.

So where to now--well my plan is to do a little in regard to this "our mission" daily--maybe 15 minutes, maybe many hours everyday, but it is a definite commitment--as is the rosary. Time to wake up and not live like an onion plant, but as an olive tree--as one of the scrolls says in "The greatest Salesman in the World".  My mother sure isn`t an onion plant--a great example to many.

Re-commitment, Reconnection, Regeneration and Renewal is my latest battle cry!--and maybe re-vamping life.

An odd tale #10

 
 A "Taltos`" constant companion is always a fire breathing dragon, most illustrations with 7 heads--which are simply the mirror version of itself-- it is the wayshower, or rather: "creation itself"--"time"  from the "light seed" by the "2 Creators".

Odd how strange we are-I am no greater teller of tales, but at times I feel the need to just write something, hoping perhaps someone shall read it one day. I have to say that as it is often said, each day is entirely different. Now, being human we have free will and are allowed--by God to create our own reality to a point. Why I say to a point, this is because I am definitely sure in my heart that we have a destination that we have decided on--or God decided on, and we have different routes to take to get there.

Now the question arises--when we take a wrong path, or seemingly wrong path often in the end it is the right one often depending on whether we put out trust in God or not. Here then comes the question of the ages--who are we actually. Are we a divine spark, or  are we simply an accidental happening from chaos. Or perhaps a third variation--we are illusions. If we are the latter, then who is the viewer of the pictures? --and for what purpose? I have been thinking of this lately as I have been listening to the "Taltos" and Gyuri. Time, creation, ethereal world, spiritual world--on and on ad infinitum.

When I am conscious of life itself, which is not that often I have to confess, and really should be every moment-- I have all these weird thoughts, questions about existence. As the years pass one gets older in chronological time, yet inside we feel the same as we did since we can remember. Photographs seem to conjure up the moment, and we are once more there--present within that whole story. So, having stated all this--then who are we in reality? Maybe we are in this giant ant hill, thinking we are the center of creation, meanwhile we are mere specks--  but where??? In a black hole--as I heard lately. Makes just as much sense as a membrane universe--none is comprehensible. So-bring on all the strange versions--why not?

As I listen to these great men of science--the theoretical physicists, mathematicians and other great scientific minds of our day, I come to the conclusion that we know absolutely nothing, for we do not have the capability to get beyond our human mind, --or rather our brain which is actually encased within our skull. Do certain mantras, chemicals behaviours open up the consciousness--as some have said. Or is that just chemicals fooling our consciousness--or is that in fact the reality?

This begs the question of soul. Is there one? Where is it? There is an actual place as a few "new age gurus" state--well there are various versions-, but all just as valid, or invalid as your guess or mine. The strange thing is, that often they are in entire different  areas of the body. These are some of the more acceptable ones for me--like within the pituitary; or within the skull in the area of the "third eye"; in the heart chakra;  in the root chakra; in the grey matter--the list is endless.

Yet we think, we feel and love--we experience all sorts of emotions. So what is that? How about animals, or other living things. Plants, insects--do they have group souls as some believe. For what purpose? Well apparently we have 5432 lives--to make it or break it--but even then it makes no sense--neither does the "cosmos" and all the so called "galactic connection"--whether we are from Bellatrix, Rigel, Sirius or simply from the bottom of the pond in someone`s backyard--, but on top of it all we have no real proof--only conspiracy theories and people with visions, or demonstration of simple madness.

We try so hard to live--bring up the children well, have a wonderful life, family, existence--work like a horse, try and do good, help others and in the end there is nothing--for life is but a fleeting moment. We live, love, --and no matter how hard we pray, we  die.

No wonder people become alcoholics, drug addicts or even kill themselves out of sheer despair. Ignorance is bliss--that is a fact. The more one thinks, the more conscious, the more thoughtful--the more one realizes the futility and the meaninglessness of everything.

So then what to do? Stop thinking--and forget all the scientific crap, the theories, the answers, -as there are none and never shall be. Now--do we have souls--we shall find out one day, or simply ashes to ashes--dust to dust and that`s it--at least we won`t even know. Fin.

Beatitudes #9

As for us my darling--yes we can say we have truly loved, but just as important, maybe even more important  were loved. Well, I hope  all in the present tense for still a long time to come still for us, I hope! Probably to some all may seem very soppy, cheesy --but all that matters is how we feel. Often the reaction from strangers , people is due to either their  lack of depth of spirit, a small heart but more so than not being happy and frustrated with their own lives--and often being jealous of one`s who seem happy.  When an other is unhappy, it makes them feel better and justifies their unhappiness and inadequacies.

Happiness is momentary often, but the memories , the feelings are stamped onto the heart through which we grow --strange, the other day Jesus `-- "Sermon on the mount " came to mind for many reasons regarding you--The Beatitudes--- especially the situation of Kai and the way you are with her, the way you feel for her. She is blessed to have you, as you are blessed to have her and the children.

I tell you this now from the depths of my heart with all sincerity-- Remember no matter what happens--no matter what or how it seems  always take her side in face of the world--what you tell her behind close doors, between the two of you is  a different story, no matter how a good friend Luis is to you even if you are convinced that he is right . Your sister is your sister--he is just your brother-in-law.

• Blessed are the poor in spirit ( for me this means gentle)  for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
• Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
• Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land.
• Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.
• Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
• Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.
• Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
• Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

You see  sweetheart God`s mission comes in strange guises--this one is yours. Dosn`t matter if your congregation is one  soul or one thousand or tens of thousands--all is just as important.

I love you baby--you`re in my heart, you`re in  my soul. And your are "Blessed".

I did it my way! #8

I haven`t been here lately, but seeing that you have mentioned it I thought it is time to convey some thoughts from my heart. Strange as it may seem we are often led to things that we need to know, need to learn or need to experience. This does not mean that the person who is  the source or from who the information stems has superior insight  into something, it just tells us that we all have the information to everything when we remember the password to access our internal computer. So nobody is superior nor inferior in this respect.

 

As you wrote about the situation in your family it reminded me of mine--not at the moment, but in the past. The human condition is so predictable, the same in fact dressed in different versions, namely just the manes and places change for each person on earth.

 

I loved my parents dearly--I had a great childhood, except that my parents had a miserable marriage. Well my mom sort of married for convenience because of the the war. My father was 10 years older, seemed stable, a mechanical engineer from an important titled family--she was just out of Teachers College at 19 she married him.  It was a disaster from the start--my father was abusive for he was insanely jealous. He loved her, in his way so did she, but she was not in love with him. He wasn`t a romantic type at all, and all she wanted was some tenderness, warmth, to be cherished and loved in a demonstrable way. So, she was always unhappy and desperately seeking for love in her heart.

A few years after  the war they moved into a room in a house outside of Budapest--things were hard then, no accommodation and life was difficult, --where she met my biologic father--he was 23 at 2nd year university student , studying architecture,  he was also 23 . His parents owned the house--they fell in love.  This went on for months--there was never anything sexual between them, just love. I have no idea whether my father knew- or not--he was working in town. Lorant, that was his name,  wanted to marry my mother  badly, but his parents would not hear of it and would not allow their son to marry a divorced woman-as they were of this high and mighty '"Magyar noble class" family which was of great importance at the time, and more so what people would say. His mother one day said that she would rather see her son in a coffin than being married to my mother.
 

They adored each other--well to this day they do. On her birthday--the only one time he gave her a wedding ring--engraved with the date of that day, her  birthday,  vowing he would marry her as soon as he would graduate--incidentally the ring is now on my finger--and on that day they , the only time ever, they slept together. Lo and behold I was conceived. 

Soon after, as all changes, so did their life--and their lives went in separate directions. They moved out, bought a house and they stopped seeing each other--though it shouldn`t have, but protocol dictated the future. Plus I was there--the great secret to be hidden....LOL. And so it was. They should have followed their hearts--I know them both rather well, they would still be together for they were truly twin flames and they met up year after year for decades--always reminded me of the Neil Simon play "Same time next year".

 

She had an "ok "life with my father, but an unhappy one --and much physical and verbal abuse. She always yearned  to be loved. She could have even tolerated those times if it would have been balanced with the thing she needed most--a physical demonstration of love which is what she wanted, needed but did not get from him. Not sex--love has nothing to do with sex--neither money, one always manages to have enough as not to starve.  She wanted to leave him many times--but I pleaded and begged her not to even when I was 15. So she didin`t for my sake, this is a fact not my imagination --now I am sorry, and I do feel guilty. I should have encouraged her to leave and follow her heart, follow love--there is nothing else that is more important

Why am I telling you all this? Well--that , were I as insightful of life as I am now, I would have advised her to leave my father and follow her heart for life is far too short-- regrets, would have, should haves, could haves are very painful to live with. One cannot undo the past, but one can change the future--maybe to a worst one , but then at least one can say that one has tried --and that it was "my choice", not being forced to stay in a miserable relationship or whatever the situation is--. If it is not good, it needs radical change while there is time.

You see sweetheart--we can only judge all from our own perspective--but we really have to walk in the other`s moccasin to be able to know,  feel and see through their eyes. What maybe important for me, may not be important for an other--we are individuals in all respects. All one can be is support , allow, encourage to make each one whom we love make their  own choices, own decisions--advice is a dangerous prospect.

 

Sometimes things have progressed to a point of beyond return and no matter how one push and pulls things will never be the same. Life is far too short to spend it in unhappiness willingly--there is still much other causes for unhappiness along the way that we have no control over --so should at least change the ones we do have control over. We can never blame anyone for the outcome of our lives, only ourselves--no matter how it seems, it is always our own doing. It is easy always to blame others, circumstance and various life paths--but in reality we are where we are because of our own choices.

Now- the most important question is--do we love the individual with all our heart, all our soul and all our being? Then there is a future for sure, and worth fighting for till your last breath--but if even if there is a small doubt in any area, then there is trouble and often insurmountable. This is what my grandfather called "the last spark which has died out". Martyrdom if far too overvalued--in reality has far too little value.

 

We all have faults and all sorts of imperfection-- but it depends what we can live with, which is as individual as each  snow flake. But the bottom line is--if it makes one unhappy, frustrated, angry, depressed or irritated--no matter how it hurts it needs to be changed. Never ever imagine that one can change the person nor the situation  that causes one grief, - therapy will not make things right, neither will God send his choir of angels to intervene. Yes, God will change it if one is  willing to ask , but above all listen to his instructions that  he whispers to the heart  and do the hard work of cutting the strings- is very painful-which at times our ego will oppose most doggedly.

The past is past, waste of time re-visiting it, lamenting over it--all we have that we can is look towards the future, that is the only avenue for change--for the better or for worse, but we can  all do it.  Then--whether it turns out to be a tragedy or comedy or a horror story--we shall have no regrets for we can say in the end " I did it my way"--mostly I did it for love not only for an other , but mostly for love of myself --for we are all alone on this earth, as individuals finding our true selves,  Yes--as well as our other half--never forget!

I really do not know what is going on with Kai for I don`t know the entire story--but my heart feels for her, that is why I told my family`s story  and how I feel about life in general. For me  love is very important and family, but sometimes in a marriage things have to change--it is often better when the children are smaller if all has been tried and nothing works. all I know that my mom should have changed her life. I hope it works out though for Kai, you and the children--I pray for her and your whole family for  times like these are awfully hard especially when there are 3 small children--but you darling are a "God send"--truly and  an enormous blessing!

But then --were you not like this , I probably would not love you the way I do, for I know your heart and soul!

I love you baby!