Our special angel

Always my grandmother used to say that birthdays are really celebrations for the mother-for it is she that has all the wonderful memories of the specific day; down to the very last moment. I think she was right, as I feel the same way. I have two siblings, I am the oldest, however I  remember the very day and incidents and every detail surrounding the birth of my sister as well as that of my brother-both were born when I was already well aware of the world . It feels rather uncanny and strange, as it just seems like yesterday-and it was many years ago.

On Saturday was my brothers Oliver`s 45<sup>th</sup>  birthday-we celebrated yesterday, it was a great day the family being together having fun and a wonderful evening. When she got pregnant my mother cried saying she won`t see him graduate grade 1, as she was in her late forties. Originally when she got pregnant she was very upset-but then reconciled herself with the statement ”everybody has a place in this world” -and here she was yesterday - celebrating his birthday. He now has a most successful career, more so than any other of his colleagues. He has the most number of the most successful dental practices in Toronto- plus a family of his own and has changed the lives of many people around him because of his generosity. But then-you get back what you send out. And he is a type of person to send out a lot of good, always has-not just to the family, but all in need. His priority is always the family-and everyone in the family I have to add. He is our guardian angel from God.

Yes- I remember the day he was born-in the evening. I was not at the hospital but at home, but my father called saying there maybe problems with him, as he was a “Rheus  negative” baby and he needed a blood transfusion-of course my mother was beside herself. But-it all went well- in those day in SA the mom and baby stayed in the hospital for 3 days, you coudn`t visit-just had to wait at home. After that they came home-he was just fine. I remember seeing him the first time. He was in a little knitted blue little jacket with a cap to match, his tiny nose had tiny white spots on them-as I recall.  No he wasn`t I handsome baby, but he was my brother. I wondered what the future held for us-for him. And here we are all-in an other country, and the family together; sadly a few people missing, but still always here in spirit.

When he was 8-one day he sat down and stated that he would be very successful, my grandmother was still with us then and sated a list of things he would buy each of all the family members-and he has actually lived up to those promises-in more ways than one. He just recently bought a house for my daughter, this is just an example of his latest generosity. He is not only generous in a material a sense, but he also does much for all his nieces in encouraging them in relationship with regard to careers, and mentoring them, so that they will become successful in life. He is an example to all the kids in our family. Also steering them in areas to be upstanding honorable, honest, respectful, dependable, loving human beings.

So this small entry is to acknowledge him-and thank him for all he is doing, all he has done-for us, for all-and that he is so very appreciated and I thank God that I have such a beautiful, shining soul as my brother-a gift and a blessing from God. Not for all the material stuff, but for being who he really is-an earth angel. He lives for the family-he comes and takes his mom out twice a week, so she can see Scarlett, his daughter. Also, almost every Sunday we go out for dinner together, the an entire family. Whatever mom needs, or he thinks she needs or any of us need just appears.  I personally have never bought an electronic gadget in my life, a TV, a cell phone-nor paid for service, nor for a computer, not even a vacuum cleaner-all taken care of. We are taken care of in every way-including this house we are in, which he bought it a while back so that we can be closer together as a family-they a 5kms down the road, my daughter 1km.

So the moral of the story-there is a reason for everything, there is a place for everyone in life-and only God knows those reasons for they are all coming from the mind of God.

I thank my brother Oliver and love him so very much, let me state once more-not for the material stuff-for even if that was not present I would still feel the same, but all the love, the caring and concern that he shows for all of us. He is always there when we need him, always there to help, encourage and tries to make things better.-I am grateful to God that He was so very gracious and generous to send to us one of his special angels.

Dalai Lama

The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet is always garnering a lot of attention, and for good reason. Most recently, he told the world that simply praying is not the answer for the incidents that  are occurring in Europe, as well as other similar atrocities that seem to happen all over the globe. He stated that humans have created this problem, and now we are asking God to solve it, which makes no sense. If we created this mess, we should be the ones to solve it, not God.  I so agree. Comments are resonating with many people around the world who realize that action on a mass scale is required at this time to change the direction in which our planet seems to be headed-well, if we are not over our time already. Maybe it is too late.

Intertwined with the terrorist attacks are the realities of war, and there is a great piece written on the Dalai Lama’s website regarding the mass brainwashing of human beings.

“Of course, war and the large military establishments are the greatest sources of violence in the world. Whether their purpose is defensive or offensive, these vast powerful organizations exist solely to kill human beings. We should think carefully about the reality of war. Most of us have been conditioned to regard military combat as exciting and glamorous – an opportunity for men to prove their competence and courage. Since armies are legal, we feel that war is acceptable; in general, nobody feels that war is criminal or that accepting it is criminal attitude. In fact, we have been brainwashed. War is neither glamorous nor attractive. It is monstrous. Its very nature is one of tragedy and suffering”. 

This (above) statement really hits home. If you think about it, these vast and powerful organizations, and the military in general, “exist solely to kill human beings.” As the Dalai Lama touches upon, we are conditioned and made to believe that military service is something to be proud of. Sure, these men and women may be entering into the service in order to serve their country, with a tremendous amount of bravery and good hearted intentions going into that decision, but what they do not know is that this global war on terrorism is a complete fabrication-purely a personal belief. The enemy they are made to believe they’re defending their country from is actually a product of their own country. As Dr Michel Chossudovsky, University of Ottawa’s Emeritus Professor of Economics, tells us, the global war on terrorism is completely fake and based on fake facts and presuppositions. Soldiers have been brainwashed into thinking that they are going after an enemy and defending their own country when that same enemy is fully supported and financed by the Western military alliance. As the Dalai Lama argues, this is exactly why “we feel that war is acceptable,” because we are made to believe it’s a necessary course of action.

“Modern warfare waged primarily with different forms of fire, but we are so conditioned to see it as thrilling that we talk about this or that marvelous weapon as a remarkable piece of technology without remembering that, if it is actually used, it will burn living people. War also strongly resembles a fire in the way it spreads. If one area gets weak, the commanding officer sends in reinforcements. This is throwing live people onto a fire. But because we have been brainwashed to think this way, we do not consider the suffering of individual soldiers. No soldiers want to be wounded or die. None of his loved ones wants any harm to come to him. If one soldier is killed, or maimed for life, at least another five or ten people – his relatives and friends – suffer as well. We should all be horrified by the extent of this tragedy, but we are too confused”.

The extent of this brainwashing is quite massive, and if we are going to stop the murder of other human beings and war in general, it is that "brainwashed" soldier that needs to wake up. It is a human being pulling the trigger, it is a human being giving the orders to do so, and it is a human being thinking that they are doing something good. We are the reason war exists in the first place; we created it, we participate in it, and we prolong it. Just imagine what would happen if every human being on the planet refused to participate in war? This is why we say change needs to come from within, and as more soldiers wake up to what’s really happening here, more of them will simply refuse to go to war.

“No matter how malevolent or evil are the many murderous dictators who can currently oppress their nations and cause international problems, it is obvious that they cannot harm others or destroy countless human lives if they don’t have a military organisation accepted and condoned by society.”

Some of these soldiers that are used by their corporate/big bank puppet-masters are starting to wake up and speak out. But who is listening?

The Dalai Lama then goes on to speak about how expensive war is. This is something many people think about – the fact that the money pumped into the military and the Department of Defense in the United States could completely alleviate  poverty and hunger on our planet. That being said, money is made out of thin air, typed up on a computer screen and printed at will by the controlling elite.

Ex Canadian Defense Minister Paul Hellyer, points out, “trillions, and I mean thousands of billions of dollars” that “have been spent on projects which both Congress and the Commander in Chief know nothing about.” Welcome to what president Eisenhower called the military industrial complex where, as he warned us, the rise for misplaced power exists and will persist. What would he say about what’s happening today?

The point is, if we are going to use money as a tool, why not take that many and allocate it to provide food, shelter and clothing for everybody on the planet? The defense expenditures of a couple of countries alone could do this no problem. However would those  puppeteers who are strictly out to enrich themselves, foaming at the mouth wanting to acquire the power,would they  be willing to even think about it? I doubt it! They are not out to help the planet. All they want to do is to feel that power and keep most of the planet in fear and in chains. Sad reflection on humanity, on us. Am I just a conspiracy theorist? -not at all, just seeing the truth. The masses are blind and dumbed down in every way these days, for they are more busy watching Hollywood and listening to the media which are feeding them crap-take those "red pills" people.

“We should feel fed up with the violence and killing going on around us. If a human being is killed by an animal, it’s sad, but if a human being is killed by another human being it’s unthinkable. We have to make a special effort to think of each other as fellow human beings, as our brothers and sisters.” – Dalai Lama 

Who will answer?

As I said the other day, I hardly listen to any music from the past-far too painful. However for some weird reason, these lyric came to my mind after a patient was telling me how strange the world has become-very impersonal and cold. I was introduced to this song from the 60`s by someone who has made a tremendous difference in my life-well over 25 years ago. He taught me much, and made me see much that I was blind to-he forced me to walk down the path of darkness and light.

 As soon as I heard this song-I said ”this will always be my song”.  So today when I came home I listened to it-strange how one song can contain so many memories and events. The lyrics are such that one can free associate and realize so many things-really worth the time to listen to it. One can come up with one`s own truth as "who will answer" when the "rules don`t fit the game". No need to be a Christian, or any other religion, or no religion-works for everyone-including atheists, for we all really have an answer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7XVcZ-OVx8 

Who will answer-Ed Ames

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!, Hallelujah!
 

From the canyons of the mind,
We wander on and stumble blindly
Through the often-tangled maze
Of starless nights and sunless days,
While asking for some kind of clue
Or road to lead us to the truth,
But who will answer?

Side by side two people stand,
Together vowing, hand-in-hand
That love's imbedded in their hearts,
But soon an empty feeling starts
To overwhelm their hollow lives,
And when they seek the hows and whys,
Who will answer?

On a strange and distant hill,
A young man's lying very still.
His arms will never hold his child,
Because a bullet running wild
Has struck him down. And now we cry,
"Dear God, Oh, why, oh, why?"
But who will answer?

High upon a lonely ledge,
A figure teeters near the edge,
And jeering crowds collect below
To egg him on with, "Go, man, go!"
But who will ask what led him
To his private day of doom,
And who will answer?

If the soul is darkened
By a fear it cannot name,
If the mind is baffled
When the rules don't fit the game,
Who will answer? Who will answer? Who will answer?
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!, Hallelujah!

In the rooms of dark and shades,
The scent of sandalwood pervades.
The colored thoughts in muddled heads
Reclining in the rumpled beds
Of unmade dreams that can't come true,
And when we ask what we should do,
Who... Who will answer?

'Neath the spreading mushroom tree,
The world revolves in apathy
As overhead, a row of specks
Roars on, drowned out by discotheques,
And if a secret button's pressed
Because one man has been outguessed,
Who will answer?

Is our hope in walnut shells
Worn 'round the neck with temple bells,
Or deep within some cloistered walls
Where hooded figures pray in halls?
Or crumbled books on dusty shelves,
Or in our stars, or in ourselves,
Who will answer?

Of rings

It is all about

Rings are very special to me. I wear ten-a good number being a “one” in numerology, new beginnings. But then each day is a new beginning, thus an other opportunity to experience life. I wear so many, not because of the “jewellery affect”, but because of memories. Each one conjures up something special, has its own story without words; a certain time, or event in my life, plus reminder of the person that it came from. They don`t have much value monetarily except my engagement ring-the others are just their value in silver or the gold. No-I do not look like a Christmas tree, they are all very humble, rings filled with humility and love-lying next to each other in rows of two and three.

The 1^st ring- This was my engagement ring when I was 18. It came in the form of two old diamond rings, that got a new lease on life by being reset. My husband presented me with it on a Christmas eve many years ago. The ring is here, he is no longer in the earthly realm-something to think about. He asked me to marry him. Or maybe I asked him-I still have to think about it-but then what can one say about an 18 year old who is madly in love with a handsome, successful man who was 10 years her senior. Even these days I get compliments on this ring,  for it looks so uniquely beautiful.

The 2^nd  ring-my wedding ring with five small diamonds, engraved with his name and our wedding date,  was slipped on my finger on a Sunday, 14^th of December at the Church of the Holy Angels in Johannesburg-I won`t say the year as that would date me. I was beautiful-he was beautiful and all of life was just beautiful a that moment. It was a  very sacred ceremony, a “Nuptial Mass”-with a wonderful  acquaintance of a family friend, who sang Guonod`s Ave Maria that echoed hauntingly through the church-I can still hear it.

The 3^rd  ring–a wide band with a scatter of diamonds, a gift from my mom about 12 or so years ago. There was no special occasion, just as a reminder of her. She is still great, doing wonderfully, very youthful- painting 8 hours a day-she will be 92 on the 29^th of  June, 2017. She surly defies her age-a little while ago we went to the emergency with some complaint she had, the results from the doctor was pure astonishment at all her test results-CAT scan, x-ray, MRI and gastric scope, including an uncomfortable colonoscopy. The end result of all the test was a simple diagnosis of one word-“constipation". Plus the results were followed by a proclamation by the doctor: “we should put up a statue of you in front of the hospital to show what a 91 year old should look like and be like, and live like. It is a wonderful testament to you and the way you have conducted your life”-even though she suffered through the war and so many other negative experience. I really think that it is the affect of the energy of “gratefulness” for she is always grateful for everything in her life.

The 4^th ring-was the one that my biological father gave my mother, on her birthday-the very day I was conceived on the banks of the Danube. The one and only time that they were ever intimate-but loved each other for the next scores of years. He used to say-"love is here- pointing to his heart, and then his head” neither of them ever thought to be together in this life, for they were united in spirit-true “twin flames”. He was the love of her life, as she was of his.  He was a very special, shining soul, an angel indeed even before he had died. A towering intellect, with deep wisdom, a true academic- a wonderful example to all whom he had touched. He dedicated his life to his student at the university, where later on in his life he became dean. Indeed he was "the salt of the earth, and light of the world". I asked him why he didn`t leave the country when my parents did-his answer was: "If we all left there would be no Hungary".

The 5^th ring-belonged to my maternal grandmother, it was her wedding band. She was a school teacher for almost 50 years-loved and respected by her students. She too had a long , healthy, productive life-she died at home peacefully from heart failure. She always stated that she had the “intent” to live to 94-she died at 93-she was just off a few months. Yes-she did leave numerous footprints behind on this tiny blue orb.

The 6^th ring-is a silver ring that my daughter wore for many years-when they moved  to her new house, she gave me a box filled with costume jewellery and accidentally her silver  band was among them. So, seeing she didn`t look after it properly, I told her I would give it a better home. And is still is on my finger, where as she has lost a few since that time, as she always takes them off.

The 7^th ring-was a Christmas gift from my brother-originally it was a watch, but I decided to exchange it for a hand made silver wide band- as I have one watch that I received from my father when I was in grade 4-. Yes-running ever since, no batteries, nothing. A Swiss Baum & Mercier-the Rolls Royce of watches, so is the price but is worth it, for it is for life-and so it is.

The 8^th  ring- was a found at a flea market, made somewhere in the east judging from its appearance. I had bought it for  a mere $3 many years ago.

The 9^th ring- Is a copy of an original I had that I had received on my 17th birthday-a pearl with diamonds around it-the pearl fell out and I had lost the ring, now I only have the pearl. The replacement is not with a pearl, but cubic zirconia, but looks exactly as it did. Thus-as I look at it each day, I am reminded of my happy, carefree teenage years-and of friends I care about and love to this day.

The 10^th ring-What can I say about this ring? It is all about us. What secrets does it hold? Or not?  Love eternal perhaps? Or not? Is he still thinking of me ? Or not?  Being a ten-is new beginnings and rather special. This is the 2^nd generation of this ring-as the first one was thrown into Lake Ontario in 2012, with an attached note-out of anger, rage, pain and heart break-for which immediately I had deeply regretted. Why regretted it? Well, to be honest once a thing is done, is said, is declared it  cannot be undone nor taken back; love cannot be unbound if it was real-if it can, then it wasn`t real, but just a mirage of love.

Thus, henceforth all experiences, events, feelings that have flown out from those days, have now a life of their own.  It all exists for its own purpose, its own desire and its own sacred manifestation of divine energy-its very goal being met through the very experience of "us". To me it was and is always real-something like what my father had said in silence, as he pointed to his heart and his head. Nothing more is needed to demonstrate it, or to be said for it can only be known, felt by the heart and soul. No words necessary, no contact necessary, no hearing each others heart beat necessary. For it has already been all said and done. Nothing to be added or subtracted.

So-soon after that fateful, woeful day-I replaced it once more. Now-it is a silver band made of small hearts-10 to be exact in total each one leaning in a different position-all touching each other at some point. It kind of reminds me of the different lives we have lived that have touched each other each time.  Thus is love-as Elizabeth Barrett-Browning so poignantly had said ”How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…..” I am at peace wearing the ring-I hope you are at peace wearing the "Cross of Lorrain". Be happy.

Entropy?

Do you ever sometimes think about love? Who or what orchestrates it? Sure-once more the words “fate, destiny” comes to mind.  But if we really think about it everything in nature has a clear cut plan-nothing is random, just seems so because we have such a small, narrow tunnel vision. I remember at university in “chemistry lab”-an Indian professor was explaining something and he was explaining the term ”entropy”. That everything works towards entropy-I thought about it often throughout the years, but I disagree with the term. Maybe to scientists it seems to be the most accepted theory, but not to me-and quite a few renowned theoretical physicists these days seem to hold the same view. Life is much more complicated and harmonious, and in balance for it to be in complete chaos. Now, that theory makes even less sense than “string theory”.

Where am I going with all this –off on a tangent so it seems-but not at all. Think about: who you are? Look in the mirror, look at yourself, look at you hands and all the intricate parts of your body and the way it works, functions like a precision instrument. But then who are you really? Where were you a year before you were born? Where were you when they dropped the bomb on Hiroshima? Where were you during the French revolution? Where were you when Julius Caesar was murdered?  Where were you when the pyramids were built? Perhaps you were present all those times-why not? You ever expand each time you come into existence, ever creating. But, it is always “you” in different clothes. Not as bizarre as you may think. This thought is just as valid as any other. You think, you are self-aware, you are conscious-but what do all those words actually mean? Sure we can go back to a certain point in creation no matter how far, but then what is beyond that?

So this brings me back to my original thought on love. What is it? And why is it? How do we fall in love? Why do we fall in love? Is it strictly just for the sake of procreation? We say love chooses us-but does it-or is it all predestined? I think that every single moment is planned down to the slightest detail-and it`s all for a reason. The reason always was and always is and always will be. Someone whom you love deeply was always present, is present and always will be present within you. It is a very old story spanning eons-we just at times forget, and falling in love makes us remember once more.

When we love we are whole, we become our true self once again. We are reminded that we are the divine purpose, the thought of God-“Shiva and Shakti”-consciousness and energy, thus we create. God dreams, we create the dream. Not just an other human being, but everything. Nothing can or will be created without this-that is also the reason that when we “love” we become even more creative in every way –so our entire life is for the purpose of finding that other part of our being for the purpose of creation, the theory of “biocetrism” comes into existence.

First thought was Shiva, the primordial  force of consciousness, then Shakti primordial force of energy. Who is whom is determined by your own inner voice-but love brings these two forces together, or perhaps they seek each other out. Love is the actual voice of our other self, calling us. The quest in life is to find each other, when you have found it, it can never be unbound-it is the true “quantum entanglement”. Ever present eons ago, ever present now, ever present in the future. We are ever within each other, ever connected even if you are on an other planet or in a different galaxy or even in death, for that is just stepping into an other dimension-and you are still “entangled”.

No changes

Sometimes fate, or as I said yesterday destiny works in mystical  ways in our lives-always for some reason. Thus is the mindset why I always allow things to flow at their own pace. I try hard always to do the right thing, for myself and others-holding steadfastly at my beliefs most fervently. Little things at times produce enormous results within the confines of the landscape of the soul. A word, a tiny action can make a tremendous difference in our lives-making our spiritual life, as well as our physical life much richer in every way and most grateful to God.

Kindness, goodness, honesty, acceptance, respect and loyalty goes a long way to determine a character and value of a soul-yes, Robby Burns is right-“a man`s a man for all that”, a perfect description of  the ideal man. Holiness is not sitting in contemplation or praying all day, but how we behave towards each other, towards people we love and care for no matter what transpired. We all make mistakes, forgiveness is a great virtue-even when it is not present, however deep love keeps soldiering on.

 Love is like that-I do not necessarily mean in a romantic sense, for that I feel is the most shallow part of love, however very important-but real love is like an iceberg, the larger part floats below the surface, in essence that is what love really is. It goes far beyond the physical existence of our being. I think perhaps even the Greeks held the term “agape” above the term “eros” followed by “philia and “storge”-for they knew that the spiritual aspect of being human far outweighs the physical.-my humble thoughts on this.

 Often we get confused about love-it is handled very frivolously, emotionally and above all in a very worldly sense; yet its existence rises above the physical and resides within the realms of  the “celestial” or the more descriptive term would be  “within the confines of the eternal”-well, that is if we believe that we have a soul that is eternal. I doubt that Dawkins, Dennett or Hawkins would agree here with me-however, their truth is just as valid as mine. Faith is such, I don`t necessarily mean this in a specific religious sense-they have their beliefs, I have mine.

 Why all these strange thought in my head, or rather in my heart today? Something happened, that took me by surprise, took my breath away literally-well not really for I always knew at the core of my being, at a soul level about many things; and these events I knew would transpire, the only thing was when. And it happened now-and I thank God for it, for some things are forever.  Everything in life needs temporal time, though sadly we don`t have enough of it-so we should always live our lives with that idea so as not to have gut wrenching regrets later-for regrets cannot be ever re-done.

 Anyway-thank you from my heart, spirit and soul; for love is like this. No more words needed for the soul to understand as to what I am trying to say here so very clearly, well -“as clear as mud”. But I always knew this outcome, for these are the dictates, the values, reason and concepts of deep love, which is the spirit of God in action within us. Some things  can never be undone, and will never be-and so it is.

Fate

Fate knows all about you, it knows your fears and your weaknesses and your confidences and strengths, and it can be ready for all of them when it decides that the time is right. It can move you like a pawn in a terrible game of chess, sacrifice you for the good of others, drop you from a building you should never have been inside, give you a disease that no one has ever heard of. Luck and chance are impartial. Fate is active. It picks on people. Almost as if it thinks about things too much ...

TIM LEBBON, Face

Have you ever wondered about your destiny? Wondered where it is leading? Planned the future? Are things predestined? Do we actually have choices? Never works according to plan does it? Then why on earth do we do it? We all do it-even kids do it, yet nothing ever works according to plan-maybe for perhaps a teeny % of people, though I even doubt that. Whether you follow your fate or follow your destiny is up to you. No one else can make that decision for you, just as no one else can make your heart beat for you or taste for you.

My approach these days is leave it all up to God, or fate or whatever you want to call it-then one is not disappointed, actually it often is a great surprise, often better than we could have planned. So-allow fate to flow at its own pace, at its own will and then things turn out the way they have to. The more we resist things, the worse they get-this is regarding everything . Try it-and prove it to yourself. The Chinese had it right so many centuries ago-“always go with the least resistance”. The thing is that as we move through life, the force of fate creates events that we only appreciate when we reflect back on our existence.

It is said that there is a difference between destiny and fate? Destiny is seen as what you create if solve the puzzle and manifest one of the possibilities defined by your potential. Fate is seen as what happens if you never manifest your potential never solve the puzzle of who you are.

Some people just want to play at life, take it easy and work with what their family, society and generation outline as their expectations for you. Others want to work at life, to plough the field of possibilities, sow their seeds of greatness, nurture their potential and reap their own rewards. They want to define who they are and live in a house of their own making.

The decision of which to choose is a highly personal choice, both equally accepted and supported  by who know the value of both moving with the tides and striving against the current of society. The banquet of life is yours to pursue.

St Patrick Day

Oh-St Patrick`s day, what wonderful memories. When I was in school this day was one of my most favourite school  days. Well, let`s say rather no school days. The very first one I recall was in grade 3-we had the celebration every year right up to grade 12, or as it was called STD 10 ( there were 2 grades and 10 Standards). The main event coordinator for the entire school was always, Sr. St Anne, and Irish nun , with her horned rimmed glasses and Irish temper; of course not to forget that wonderful broad Irish accent of hers was just wonderful-on  those  days she was in her element. She was stern when we deserved it, and wonderfully sweet and kind other times. We all loved her.

She had much help-there were about an other six other Irish nuns in the convent-including the Rev Mother-who as I recall-in my eyes look at least a 100 plus, called Mother  Colomba-a wonderful, gentle soul-we just saw her infrequently at morning mass as she was getting poorly. In those days nuns had a very constricting “habit”-black from head to foot with a white, heavily starched, head band around part of their head and face. I often wondered however did they see side ways-though they did for they always were aware what us the kids were up to.-they had 360 degree vision I always thought.  As kids we always imagined the sisters as being very mystical, spiritual, very close to God and total not human at all, an enigma , a total mystery -kids are so strange in their thinking.

These nuns were very strict-I never found them abusive at all-but they would put the fear of God into us if things weren`t done right. Sure-a couple of wallops on the leg or hands with the ruler, but none of us felt abused, we knew we had deserved it. Many a times I had to stay after school and write on the black board 100 times-“.”I will not chatter in class”.  My nickname  that she gave me was :” Miss chatter box”. All and everyone in my class have become very upstanding people with wonderful careers and families-with many I still keep in touch. None of us ever have complained about the sisters-we just look back and reminisce with love. And bless them.

St Patrick`s day was just special-always. Being in a Catholic school, and with Irish nuns at the helm it was always a great celebration-especially getting on two red double decker bus. It was a very small school, the entire  school consisted of about 220 girls - only ; so two was enough. It was a whole day event-going into the city center of Johannesburg, to the City Hall, which had a beautiful concert hall. On these occasions there was always an enormous gathering of different schools, all Catholic of course and it was a major St Patrick event. We always had a blast-goofing off , with the boys from Maristst  Brothers, our brother school. Later when we got back to school –everything was green-even the cookies-and cakes and drinks. I guess the sisters really wanted to remember and feel at home. Those days were the happiest days of our lives.

That was really the time we got together with the boys-both of my two first boyfriends came from that; strange but true- I am still in touch with one of them, the other-who became a world renowned physicist-he still had so much to contribute to the world, but sadly died very young last year  of a very serious disease-he was just in his fifties. Life is strange and unfair. The other one is still going strong-living his dream of sailing the world on his own yacht.

Not was it great because we missed school, but the concerts was always just amazing-all kind of Irish legends being brought to life, Irish dancing and music. We always received a gilded medal with the date on it, hanging a on a green ribbon- I probably still have one hiding somewhere. Nice to remember things at times-and yet times make one sad-but life consists of  a mix of everything-and it is always a mystery as to what it hold for us. Yes-"those were the best days of our lives", as the song says.

Relationships

Human nature is never satisfied, whatever life hands us. If we have lots of time on our hands-that’s a problem, and also if we have no time. We are such complainers. So where is the balance? I think we like variety in everything-eating cake all day gives us indigestion, then eating caviar bores us and steak makes us yearn for fruit. So-what is it really that we want? A little of everything-not too much sun, not too much stormy weather, not too much snow –all just enough.

Same with relationships. We can have too much romance, or too little. I think when God created the universe-His main purpose was to create balance in everything, as well as within us. I feel that this is really the major reason why we are seldom happy-I don`t mean always, but certainly we complain a lot about many things . Our tendency is to always look up-at everything be that people , lifestyles or anything else-we are never filled or satisfied with our own lot. WE fail to see how very blessed we are.

This sadly-leads to lot of heartache and dissatisfaction of our lives. Often when we are in a wonderful relationship-we get bored, we wander off and seek other “hunting grounds”, so to speak and eventually in the end we realize that the original one that we allowed to slip through our fingers was really the most valuable one of all. Often it is too late, and we become “martyrs of life”-always seeking that which we have lost.

I have been in that situation-but I often have backtracked, and the good thing about this exercise is that one realizes that that situation wasn`t really made in heaven as we had envisioned. This is always a great blessing when God allows  us that opportunity-for then one can allow the past to flow away-and just remember the good things associated with that relationship.

This is also a great reason not to break up a relationship in anger and hate, for later in life it allows us an other opportunity to revisit the situation with new eyes. Some relationships are only meant for a while, some longer, some for years-and some for the rest of our lives. This has happened to me –and I am so grateful for it allows all the trauma, grief pain that love relationships cause to dissipate; and in a way have the person in ones life still, perhaps as a loving friend.

I suppose this can only happen if we have just a few serious relationships that have touched our lives-not if one has numerous ones like the song goes every day a new one but “never on Sunday” Thank God-I never was in that category-so most of the relationships were very special for me-and with 99% of the people involved I am still in touch with, and even spend time with. I am very lucky and blessed, as I really feel good about it, because we have a past and some wonderful memories and often-which is a wonderful human trait, we tend to forget the more painful ones.

The way I look at it-everything and everyone has a place in the universe for us-either for us to learn from, or to teach or help each other on our journey. Life is not forever-so why waste it with much negativity-all and everything is for a reason. All relationships are for a reason-so be it long or short; just enjoy it.

Happiness consists of moments, of special events of togetherness and love. Never cling onto the past-allow it to leave-for always something else turns up-as for me. I am so grateful for the way my life is-I am loved, and love and no matter what happens in the end this , the “now” is worth all. Then if God decides to change His mind, I am sure he will have a better plan for me-but for now, “all is well”. 

Yes-we all have dark days-but when one is loved it just lifts like the morning mist, for love changes everything in an instant when you see that smiling face that loves you and assures you saying: “bella, sweetheart things will be just fine-trust me”. And –it always is. Moral of the story -always value and treasure what you have, for you never know how long you will have it for-life turns on a dime.