Bird of forever

The closest image I have found for my mythical bird-same , except for his beak and talons.

I think it was Oliver-not my brother, my other Oliver, who said that one cannot tell the same story in exactly the same way each time -he is absolutely right. There are  certain moments in life, snippets of conversations, even phrases that one is touched by and can never forget, and each time we relate it-it is slightly different, not because we want to change the narrative, but somehow the brain just remembers the important facts not some of the minor details, which we seem to change rather unintentionally. Every life has these, for these are the incidents, and events that have touched the very core of our soul-some times a word or a minor thing.

I am not here to give an inventory of my life, but one specific incidence-especially that happened early in my life-I was 17 he was 19. No-nothing sexual-all was platonic and above board as regarding our relationship. Perhaps I have related this story some time ago-the story may be slightly different, but the meaning , the main thought behind it and the intent has remained the same.

This is the naval officer-when he was in “The Naval Officer Academy” in Gordon`s Bay in South Africa-he was in his first year at the time, at that time we had known each other two years. Those days-there was only “snail mail”, but none the less we wrote to each other daily, sometimes the letters would bunch up, and I would receive a few at one shot.

Even when I was young I was drawn to intelligent, romantic, sensitive men-and he was all of that. He is a beautiful writer-and an equally beautiful soul. Through the years he wrote me poetry, many scores of letters, but this one letter touched me deeply. He very much wanted to express his love for me, and especially how long he would love me for-in some form of an allegory. A number of years ago, when I went back to SA-I brought the letter with me, he read  his letter once more, and cried-and said: “ did I really write this” with tears welling up in his eyes. Sadly - at times we tend to forget much of the promises we made to each other, the vows we swear to keep, the eternal loyalty and that word that we often so often whisper in the heat of passion-:”I will love you forever”. But such memories may fade with time, but they do come back.

~Once upon a time, in a deep desert, living in a cave- on this planet there existed a beautiful exotic mystical  bird that was sent from paradise for a special reason by God. This was a magical bird for no time has ever such a bird has ever been known or seen by humans-for he was a special creature to gift “forever” to humans who truly loved –this was his mission for man from God. He was more of a heavenly creature, than an earthly one. His feathers were all glittering gold, the top of his head  and wings were  encrusted with  brilliant diamonds-his eyes were the most precious red rubies-his beak was of the most exquisite emerald and his talons were platinum. His magnificence was dazzling to behold – he shone like the sun. His sole mission was to teach humanity the understanding of “ love forever” who deserved it.

This awesome, sacred creature-would come out of his cave and visit the desert every 100,000 years or so-and fly to the farthest end of the desert and pick up each time one tiny grain of sand and bring it back to his cave. He would  repeat this-till every grain of sand had disappeared form the desert-then he would go to other deserts and go though the same process doing this until every single grain of sand was no longer present on the planet-thus this was simply the very first moment of “forever” which he communicated to humans~.

However my dearest, darling love,  Dennis said- "let me remind you, that this time, is simply just the very first moment of “forever”-so can you ever imagine how long forever is? And that is as long as I shall love you. Never ever forget that". 

Then when I met him once more a few years later-he said with tears in his eyes  –:” You know the story of the magical bird, it is still certainly all true”.

Abundance

 
Word associations. I was reading something and the word “abundance “ is rather  popular these days. I suppose it is all about the new approach to the 21^st Century of positive thinking, co-creating , becoming rich, being master of our own fate and such ideas. Well truth perhaps, but times have changed since even when I was a kid-our outlook is different now as it was in times that we now call “the good old days”. 

So-with the word “abundance “ so much came to my mind- and no, not material wealth, as one would expect but experiences, people and places. It came to my mind that I have, lived in, and  travelled to numerous countries-which I never actually counted up. I did now-and amazed my own self, for it is those times that have formed, molded me to who I am today-the way I look at the world is a prism through which I had seen different cultures, customs and viewpoints. Perhaps that is the reason that I never ever had a racist bone in my body-regarding race, colour, creed or an individual `s status in the world . Travelling and seeing other cultures changes one-and  one gets used to what one may view as strange or different. Nothing is strange-only we are set in our ways-and how we were brought up, and learnt from childhood is our accepted and right way-and that is the problem. 

Off on a tangent a bit, but it is sort of an introduction-of “abundance”. I lived in three countries-each for numerous years-so I carry the spirit of those lands within me . I was born in Hungary-so basically, my soul chose to re-incarnate there, I am sure for reasons that are nor quite clear to me-but I kinda feel, because the land of the Magyars has a very special connection to creation; relating to language as well as coming from the stars,-and most are very old souls who re-incarnate there. But, at this point I am not here to relate the long historical and spiritual stories of the Magyars. So-that was my first-residence; I was conceived out of love on the very banks of the Danube in the city of Budapest. Thus my first breath was the spirit of the Magyars that gave me physical life and form.

When I was a couple of years old-through the work of providence, my parents through no intention of their own, but by accident, or serendipity landed up in South Africa. There I learnt compassion, love and empathy for people who at that time were living and treated differently than I was. As a child I often wondered what it would be like to live, work and be like some of the natives. How did it feel not to have a surname, only always to be known as Trivina, Betty or Matala? How did it feel to live in a tiny room at the back of the house with just an oil stove and candles for light? Yes-I did think about that. I also think about  a time when our “girl”-that what the house maids were called asked my mother: “Madam, do you think there is a god? For I don`t think so for the way my people are treated.”

My parents were always good and kind to our house staff-the “garden boy and the girl”-they were treated with love, respect and like family-and they loved us . Thus-the land of Africa also taught me how awesome our planet is-with its exquisite fauna and flora in the wild-the awesome African sunsets-the red soil, the torrential rains with its spectacular lightning shows, the azure skies-the game reserves and the Vaal River.  The magic  has gone, for the province  Transvaal-that was is no more. It is now know as Gauteng.

Its super modern city of Johannesburg with its numerous, rectangular golden pyramids glittered in the hot African sun. These were the by product of the goldmines-that gave it its unusual characteristic-today they are no more, for they realized that there was tremendous amount of gold still left in them and they worked them over, and in some way, totally discarded the remaining soft sand. The exotic land of South Africa is really my home-as all my informative years were spent there-friends, loves,  school, university, church where I was married and all that I had held dear was abandoned. All was left behind there on the red soil of the Highveld, only the memories went on the next trip, carried within my heart forever-to Canada.

Now-I think I have said enough-as too long is not too good; some things are needed for next time-just a brief prologue of where I have been.

Back to Hungary many times, as well as to SA, Mozambique, Basutoland, Austria, Switzerland, France, Italy, England, Thailand, Hong Kong, Mexico, Trinidad, Tobago, Argentina, Brazil, Ecuador, US and I few more that escape me now-each has its special story and its special education for me and my soul-all lessons to be learnt, which were gifts in disguise.

Yes-I have had much “abundance “ in my life-especially for the wonderful loving family that I have. Especially my mother-who is an earth archangel. My awesome beautiful daughter Laura-her three earth angels; Adriyanna, Klaryssa, Jullia. My brother Oliver, wife Manjula-and my beautiful niece Scartett.  My sister Dolores-with her daughter Olivia and Tiffany with husband Adam in Chicago and their handsome grandson-Theo. My awesome, special, loving earth angel cousin –Tommy in Budapest with his family. And my soul sister, my anam cara from grade school, -dearest friend Muriel.

All my beautiful family-who are heavenly angels now-my fathers-both, Magdi Neni , Nagypapa, Nagymami, uncles, aunt, husband,- friends-Margit Neni, Aunty May, Melba, Anne, Shirley, Giovanni, Dezso.   

Not to forget our past and  present family of fur kids-Alice, Chloe, Fonzie-fur cousins at Oliver-Stripy and CoCo. We are filled with tremendous abundance-of grace, love, light and blessings-which money shall and can never by.

Now I do realize that the previous paragraphs are rather a boring, personal, unimportant tale to all, probably even skipped being read-but for me it is important to recall-for if not remembered then it is dead; all that is remembered is living and will live on. So, please forgive me all the personal details and  names.

Blessings of Love and  Light-and wishing you all much sand in the top part of your hour-glass still!
Namaste

Sea, Shells & Nautilus

 “My soul is full of longing
for the secret of the sea,
and the heart of the great ocean
sends a thrilling pulse through me.”
―Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 I am mad about the sea-and even more so about  shells-I have a collection of most beautiful, exquisite unusual ones that I have collected through many years. I have visited many islands, and beaches and always I pick some up-I am mesmerized, fascinated and think that they are one of the most beautiful things of creation ever created. I often, when I look at them, I imagine when they were born, how they lived their lives in the deep, where and now their skeletons, their abodes are living in my glass cabinets now-still I am sure having some of their DNA within them . I love to feel them, touch them -they have a special energy. They each have a story to tell- their own, and mine when I have found them. I have collected them for at least 35 years, some dozens of years old. I simply adore their amazing various forms and  how mystically most take the form from the”Golden mean” -I even love the little humble, tiny ones that are nondescript-they all have a  story. Looking at them often feels what they have to say-and where they have been-often many very old and wise. 

I would think that this love came to me because I have such a strong affinity for the sea- the pull is so very compelling it is unable to describe; its more on a mystical, spiritual level. Often I am told-humorously of course that I may have been a fish in a past life-well that still has to be verified.

Someone once said-I cannot recall who, but his observation was very correct about the comparison or similarity-  that the heart of man is very much like the sea, it has its storms, it has its tides and in its depths it has its pearls too. So true-maybe that is what I feel and see about the sea.

One of   the most fascinating shell is the Nautilus shell - of which I have  two, it is said to be 500 millions of years old on the planet -oldest survivor of our oceans and live very deep down. They contains the “golden  ratio”-that is so important in creation, in all of evolution. The Golden Mean is represented by the Greek letter phi, (with the decimal representation of 1.6180...) is one of those mysterious natural numbers that seems to arise out of the basic structure of our cosmos. Phi appears regularly in the realm of things that grow and unfold in steps just as the Nautilus shell grows larger on each spiral by phi.

With each revolution completing a cycle of evolution, the Golden Mean Spiral is symbolic of life’s unfolding mysteries. The continuous curves of the spirals, which are feminine in nature, and the ratios between each of the chambers reveal the intimate relationship between the harmonics of nature and Sacred Geometry.

Sacred Geometry is a term used to describe the basic building blocks of the universe. This ancient science explores and explains the physical and energy patterns that create and unify all things and reveals the way that the Universe of creation organizes itself. Every natural pattern of growth or movement conforms inevitably to one or more geometric shapes. From the molecules of our DNA to the galaxy we spiral within, life and it's forms emerge out of geometric codes.

 “The Golden Ratio (phi) is the unique ratio such that the ratio of the whole to the larger portion is the same as the ratio of the larger portion to the smaller portion. The ratio links each chamber of the nautilus to the new growth and symbolically, each new generation to its ancestors, preserving the continuity of relationship as the means for retracing its lineage. This geometry of the Nautilus can be found in the spiral patterns of cauliflower, the placement of the leaves on most plants, the arrangement of pattern on a pine cone. The ratios can be retrieved from the shape of our DNA and the measurement of distant galaxies as the Sacred Geometry demonstrates the blueprint of the sacred foundation of all things and the inter-connectedness of all the various parts of the whole”- ( this is not from me but from the internet".

If you are fortunate enough to have a cross section of a Nautilus shell, hold it in your hands. If you do not  have the actual shell, a picture of a cross-section of the shell will be an acceptable substitute. Quiet your thoughts and for a moment, just concentrate on the beginning point of the spiral deep within the shell. With your eyes open, follow the spiral around and around as it climbs higher and higher, like a staircase, opening into larger and larger chambers. Close your eyes and visualize that central point again and imagine yourself, very small, at the beginning of the spiral. Just as you followed the spiral around and around like a staircase, imagine yourself climbing those stairs, spiralling around and around, climbing higher and higher and moving up and out through the chambers, each chamber being a larger replica of the one before. 

Go slowly and allow yourself to experience the turns of the spiral and how it gets wider and wider at each turn. In your mind's eye look down into the spiral and view the center once again to see how far you have gone. The spiral staircase can go anywhere you want it to go, or you can stop in any one of the chambers to receive the knowledge and wisdom of that chamber. Remember that the Nautilus has been replicating itself for 500 million years and carries in it's chambers the memories and knowledge of times past. When you feel that you have experienced the upward turning of the spiral, look back once again to the center to see how far you have climbed. Then relax your mind and rest for a time within the spiral's energy. Make notes and what you experienced with the Nautilus.

Everyday is a new perspective

Just a short note –as the last one was a bit of a downer-but days come and  go, good or bad. As they say-an other day, and other view on life-the past couple of days have been more difficult than usual. However each day is new-and each day is the “first day for the rest of our lives”, seems pretty appropriate for me now. As I often say and give advice, but giving it and doing it is at times not as easy-but, putting a positive spin works like magic: ”it all depends how we feel and react to the surrounding situation”-but no matter how we try at times we do get overwhelmed-but all has passed, and the sky seems much clearer. 

I am blessed that I can really apply my advice within a day or two to myself, so life goes on-once more I am feeling great and on realizing my mission. The lesson here is life is a cycle-up and down; never static on a continual movement; from yin to yang. One thing we should always keep in the front of our consciousness; , that is gratefulness, for no matter how bad life is and treats us , it can an always be worse.

Thomas Merton said : “To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything. He has given us - and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him. Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference.”

Rainy day people

I feel like I belong to the "rainy day people group today"-blue and wet. How sad life is at times-especially when we are confronted with people we love who are ageing  and we so know the end results, know how painful it is or will be When we are young we think everyone is immortal, family, friends, and people who touch our lives-and suddenly in an instance it dawns on us that we all have and will die-no matter how we rebel against it. I have come to the conclusion that it is a blessing to die young-for the one`s who are left behind carry the burden of pain , suffering and the loss-mostly heartache.

Just yesterday we were in grade school, high school, university-and suddenly we realize that we are no more teenagers, neither young adults , even adults-but soon to be called seniors, well not just yet, but soon. What have we achieved, what have we learnt, what have we become wise to? Not much-life is simply life and as time goes by I feel a more and more drawn to the Buddhist philosophy of the only “now” that exists-nothing else. We struggle, we battle we do our best-but that is not enough, neither is temporal time enough , but even if we did have more would it be enough?

I am in one of those funky moods-where I actually see life in its clear colours-which is not a pretty picture-rather dark, gloomy and dire. These times I wonder: “ what is it all about Alfie”. The answer has always been the same for me-“senseless”. People we love die, leave,  change, we do not recognize them at all-nothing stays the same; love, emotions, feelings change-and are impermanent for it all passes-good and bad, and in a blink of an eye.

One certainly can be and should be depressed about it all, it is not being  really abnormal-people who care think and dwell on these thoughts and find no peace-are the normal ones. How I long for those times when we were young, carefree-living on hopes and dreams , and suddenly we are here –nothing had materialized that we had wished for.  I am not talking of money or the material stuff; we all manage somehow, some of us better some not –but soul wise , heart wise , spirit wise. We are spiritual beggars in so many ways. At times I wonder if it is better for a human soul to be born or not- yes, it is one of those days of reflection and deep contemplation to find an answer that soothes the soul. To-day, I cannot come up with one.

Words are cheap

These days very few people call themselves religious, it is almost an anathema, a something shameful, something to be hidden-even I have to confess I do not wear my religions beliefs on my sleeves. I think it is looked upon as almost “ignorance “, or “shameful” these days, as science is king, what we see exists and what we do not does not. Strange, because even science these days comes up with such bizarre theories that it is hard to wrap one`s mind around it. Well maybe not for people whose mind is scientifically wired-and live by physics and mathematics, however I am sure that the time is very quickly approaching when all will change-the Newtonian idea of life is starting to weaken and  a new paradigm of life has started to germinate. Humans are at last on a spiritual quest-well some anyway. This is the time for taking those few steps-the eastern religions have done that a long while ago, that we are now following.

I totally disagree Karl Marx that : "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people" however not entirely- I would say that religion at times is simply the scapegoat for the real problem which is due to the rule of the powerful few elite families who control the world in every sense. The cause for all our problems is not religion, but power and greed of the controlling few . No wonder “1984”is on the best seller list once more. Why do you think that is? We are in bondage-and just starring to see the light-dawn has arrived.

The opium of the people is wealth-so they think. True also , is that “organized” religion is a major disruptive force-for it is divisive and  dangerous. God-when we really think about it has little to do with it, but man-and in this sense , also because of power and greed which corrupts entirely. The reality is that everything in creation needs to be in balance, all the is out of balance goes against the very nature of creation, and chaos starts emerging and life starts unravelling.

We are so entangled with modern life in every way , that we are failing to live. There is no time for anything, people are obsessed with careers, getting ahead and the material values of life. Children grow up without having a childhood-numerous activities no time for real play-so sad. Families have fallen apart, the nuclear family is the norm-seeing family once or twice a year if that. The human soul has been pushed into the background, and more  so God, or the “Creator”. The bookstores are filled with books on spirituality, on spiritual advancement-yoga is a lifestyle for many these days, but still we are less spiritual, more stressed  in my view than 100 years ago-when life was sacred, was holy.

Yes- we were killing each other in wars-still do, did not have compassion for each other, for life, for nature, animals was rather on the low end of the scale, but our behaviour on a one-to one basis was much more heartfelt, respectful, spiritual and loving. Saying “I love you” after every telephone call are simply empty words, a new figure of speech, because very few really mean those words.  Great to say one is spiritual, wonderful to be awakened, and godly to be enlightened-but all this takes practise and above all action-and demonstrating that action in living and in our lives. As the quote says: “actions speak louder than words"-words are real cheap-a penny a dozen.

I agree overall we are in a better place, but at what price? We have forgotten God-in the name of science. Churches are empty, closing –I am not saying that all the religious dogma was/is correct, for it warrants major change-but losing God in the process will be the end of us.

Happy days

People know me would attest to the fact that I am a hoarder of memories-especially photographs-it is a visible, tangible documentation, validation of our life which is so very important . These days, not as much as all is on disc-I have many thousands to date-as it is so easy these days, and one can just bring them onto the screen in moments, however there is something very special about print photos- as it is right there always in your face, especially when they are in visible spots. Many of the lives do not exist here in the present any more, but they live on in us as they are never forgotten. The reality of immortality is; “being never forgotten”.

I have a huge wall leading downstairs to my apartment, that is filled with many scores of photographs of all the people,-family, friends, boyfriends, animals that have touched my life, are in my heart and love-and I mean ALL literally, no one is missing.  They are all there many in black and white, some colour faded-and some very recent. Weddings, engagements, births, celebrations, get togethers, graduations, travels -no funerals however. For some reason though death is a natural process of life, I always try and keep my mind away from that thought.

The only photo I do not have is a picture of my little grey shark  fish called -“Sharky” who was a family member for over 7 years until sadly one night he committed suicide by jumping out of the tank. A few years earlier, we had moved from Montreal to Toronto and he moved with us. The trip was too hard on him and when we got to Toronto he was dead-floating on top of the water in his tank. We were devastated, but I immediately massaged his heart for about 3 minutes and he regained life, and lived an other happy 3 years.

So, each time I go down one photo always finds my gaze me and makes me remember -this morning it was a school photo with two of my best friends, we were 15 at the time.  School  in those days, which was  many years ago was much different as I see it today. Probably because it was  a private school, that may have been a fact, but things were certainly different. I realize things need to change for progress to happen, and time marches on. However, school was a great place to be, it was like family. I think back with tremendous warmth and love on those days.-as well as my friend in the picture, with whom I talk regularly after so many years-we do not feel our age, plus we look great that is all that counts; age is just a number.  Nothing is ever lost once it is locked into the heart-remains there for always. I recall those days with such sweetness,  as being the most memorable and wonderful of my life. True “happy days”-, “those were the best days of our lives”, as the lyrics of the song goes.

I think I need to update this post a little with a post script-all days are happy if one is  surrounded by family, great friends and good health-and one has love in one`s life. In a short while we shall look back on these days -as "happy days", and just be grateful to be able to enjoy the time now.

Messed up

Often we are so sure about something that we would bet our very lives on it-then as time passes by we see how very foolish we were for everything we thought was true, was either an imagining or a lie that most probably was projected by the little self the ”ego”. So, these days I take things at their face value, but do not put much credence into it-. And I mean  regarding everything, for I know now and have learnt that nothing is real, neither is anything lasting-so why sweat over it.  I am talking about good and bad stuff in life-for be it good or bad it all passes-but it is getting harder and harder these days. 

I think we are living in a most unprecedented time in human evolution, and the raising of the consciousness of the planet.  The problem is, we look at all things and trying to find answers in the physical realm, where none is to be found, For it lies in an other realm, a higher one –that we find hard to comprehend. We are becoming more and more confused as time passes, for “what we don`t know we don`t know”-and for the human psyche to understand that is impossible and frustrating. An ant can only imagine reality as an ant, as we can only imagine it as far as our human intellect will allow us. We are more wired  or grounded in the physical than in the higher realms of existence. We need to see it before we believe it-so says science, and we being told for so long believe it-and this is the stumbling block-we cannot transcend the idea.

So then –what is actually life about?  I was doing some research on “anxiety disorders”-yes plural for it has many minor branches. I have so many patients, as well as family members  with absolutely weird and undiagnosed problems seem to exhibit scores of them, so I had to go on this quest. I was stunned, for lo and behold, I have found well over 150 symptoms-and I thought I knew all that was to know about anxiety, Now-many of the “new age” people will strongly disagree with this enlightenment, for they will tell you that they are all “symptoms of ascension”-in truth, perhaps they are right and we just label it “anxiety disorders”.

Now is it our lifestyle causing these symptoms? Stress hormones? Environment? Ascension? Or the actual  “shift”? Whatever it is , it is becoming alarmingly more, not regarding anxiety, but the increase in autism as well-which maybe tied in to all this somehow. It is actually scary to become pregnant these days as one does not know how the baby will turn out-one is in a state of anxiety and worry for at least 4 years plus the 40 weeks of  gestation. Looking seriously around in the world, examining the planet one sees how twisted and messed up all is, including the weather patterns. And-no, it is not all man made. Even if the change is upon us, I will take decades or even centuries more for it all to get back into balance.

No matter what the “channelings” say-they all try and calm the fears , it is hard to be human these days, and no wonder most of us are dreaming of things that were-“the good old  days”. Nobody has time, everybody has all sorts of mental, physical, psychological as well as financial problems-we are one screwed up, messed up blob of protoplasm heading for destruction if we do not mend our ways. It is all great and wonderful to talk of “awakening, higher consciousness, expanding the Merkabah, activating more DNA, having more faith, positive intention, meditate and recalibrating our energy fields ”.

But could one of the “channels” please tell us what to do exactly?  Maybe a manual? However these changing times are a killer for many, far too much to handle and very little that one can do about it. Every second patient that comes to see me literally cries-be that men or women. Most are all on various medications for “mental disorders”, there are so many on the market now that one cannot keep track;  and I feel so very helpless, and their energy  interferes with mine, and then I feel awful.  And I cannot talk about what I really think to most, for then they think I am crazy, wacko, all “woo, woo” talk-so I have to talk in medical or psychological terms, not spiritual or esoteric.  And at this point the way I see it-even “love and light” is not enough to cope with all this mess and hardship that we are right in the middle of-just grin and bear it, and hope for the best.