Rainy day people

I feel like I belong to the "rainy day people group today"-blue and wet. How sad life is at times-especially when we are confronted with people we love who are ageing  and we so know the end results, know how painful it is or will be When we are young we think everyone is immortal, family, friends, and people who touch our lives-and suddenly in an instance it dawns on us that we all have and will die-no matter how we rebel against it. I have come to the conclusion that it is a blessing to die young-for the one`s who are left behind carry the burden of pain , suffering and the loss-mostly heartache.

Just yesterday we were in grade school, high school, university-and suddenly we realize that we are no more teenagers, neither young adults , even adults-but soon to be called seniors, well not just yet, but soon. What have we achieved, what have we learnt, what have we become wise to? Not much-life is simply life and as time goes by I feel a more and more drawn to the Buddhist philosophy of the only “now” that exists-nothing else. We struggle, we battle we do our best-but that is not enough, neither is temporal time enough , but even if we did have more would it be enough?

I am in one of those funky moods-where I actually see life in its clear colours-which is not a pretty picture-rather dark, gloomy and dire. These times I wonder: “ what is it all about Alfie”. The answer has always been the same for me-“senseless”. People we love die, leave,  change, we do not recognize them at all-nothing stays the same; love, emotions, feelings change-and are impermanent for it all passes-good and bad, and in a blink of an eye.

One certainly can be and should be depressed about it all, it is not being  really abnormal-people who care think and dwell on these thoughts and find no peace-are the normal ones. How I long for those times when we were young, carefree-living on hopes and dreams , and suddenly we are here –nothing had materialized that we had wished for.  I am not talking of money or the material stuff; we all manage somehow, some of us better some not –but soul wise , heart wise , spirit wise. We are spiritual beggars in so many ways. At times I wonder if it is better for a human soul to be born or not- yes, it is one of those days of reflection and deep contemplation to find an answer that soothes the soul. To-day, I cannot come up with one.