I am you

Say, I Am You

I am dust particles in sunlight.
I am the round sun.
To the bits of dust I say, Stay.
To the sun, Keep moving.

I am morning mist,
and the breathing of evening.
I am wind in the top of a grove,
and surf on the cliff.

Mast, rudder, helmsman, and keel,
I am also the coral reef they founder on.
I am a tree with a trained parrot in its branches.
Silence, thought, and voice.

The musical air coming through a flute,
a spark of stone, a flickering in metal.
Both candle and the moth crazy around it.
Rose, and the nightingale lost in the fragrance.

I am all orders of being, the circling galaxy,
the evolutionary intelligence, the lift, and the falling away.
What is, and what isn’t.

You who know, Jelaluddin,
You the one in all, say who I am.
Say I am you.

Rumi

Turn,Turn,Turn...

…there is a season for everything I am reminded under heaven in Ecclesiastes:

3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

² A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

³ A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

⁴ A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

⁵ A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

⁶ A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

⁷ A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

⁸ A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Life on planet earth makes no exceptions—all are treated equally by fate—or rather perhaps by the “Will of God”. I know everything changes—so it must, yet  I have a great difficulty in facing change. I know it is for the benefit of the unfolding of spirit, of advancement of the soul, of expanding the vision of the heart. These things all have to happen as we progress towards the light. Yet, I cling to our burnt out relationship with a desperation that is almost like a need for oxygen, till eventually the very last spark dies—till the ashes have gone ice cold. Even then I still hold tightly in my hands the dying ambers of the remembrance of our love—until there is nothing left but faded grey dust that I cast to the wind.

The images, messages, the sounds of  “love`s time” that now, has passed into an other dimension, into eternity to live on without us, having its very own existence. A re-birth into a new world where it lives on forever—all that we have created out of our love. Our words that spoke of dreams dreamt in shadows of blue wisteria and purple jacarandas. We were the surrogates for angels dreaming their heavenly dreams; now all simply faded images of the past.

The pain pierces the heart like a lance; it weeps in sorrow at the loss of such precious times that were spent in the arms of love—now “through the open door love itself is gone”.  While an other love—like a beautiful rosebud is slowly opening with its dewy eyes, offering its new treasures, a new future and new hope.  It promises new memories, new  joys, new experiences—so weep no more my love, weep no more, be not sad for everything has a season, its own moments in the sun. We had it all, but allowed it to slip though our fingers while being mesmerised by its magic.

Treasure the magic, treasure the sweet reminders, treasure the memories always in your heart. Forget our sacred love "never". We are the lucky ones, the holy ones, the blessed ones—we have experienced  the very ecstasy, we experienced the actual essence of love. We are the soul of this supernova that has exploded--we are the myriads of pieces of light sparks flowing from its heart like a river. Only the light is now left; all that which we have created  through our communion of love--as it continues on it journey forever into infinity.

 -Firebird

Sacred

 

It is raining. The rain surrounds me quietly and mysteriously, as comprehensively as grace or love can surround the human spirit. Rain seems to have no origin except its own spontaneity, no purpose except its own rhythm, no limit except its own boundary.

A human life gains depth from the experiences it encounters. These experiences may be exotic, extraordinary, like encountering the presence of one's deceased father or praying in ecstasy before Our Lady`s image in days of need, or moments before one`s own death. 

More often, the experiences which bring us depth are simple, familiar, ordinary, -like praying in a quiet chapel,  or standing in traffic or simply staring into a candle flame, or just being enveloped in absolute silence—as God is allowed into our space. During these times one contemplates the glory, vastness and majesty of God. He comes to us in silence as well as in the din of our daily lives-sadly it is only rarely that we allow Him. 

The entire sacramental theology of the Church is premised on the belief that the ordinary is mysterious, eventually infinite, inevitably divine—which all is.  Bread and wine and oil and water are, at first sight, not extraordinary—after through our internal vision, faith, prayers, and complete offering of ourselves, we, ourselves transform it into Our Lord`s body and blood. Every poet knows, however, what every good theologian affirms, namely that grace is everywhere and that nothing which exists is superficial, only if we allow it, overlook it and allow the present moment to flow by. Ordinary reality is an oxymoron. Sacramental celebration is an encounter with the deepest dimensions of the Sacred, with God—as the Holy Spirit expands our soul`s into God`s heart. The bread and wine remind us of the endless possibilities of existence, of creation and the material world which are simply the manifestation of the eternal.

If grace is everywhere, then anything can be sacramental—and is. All is sacred –is sacramental. On some nights, rain is the sacrament. For me rain always is—also it is a direction towards God. A reminder of contemplation, of prayer, of conversation and the connection to God. Listening to rain is holy, the manifestation of God in the material, His Holy voice, Him in action. I do not need other demonstration of the existence of God—He simply IS. Experiencing the mystery, the sacred and the mystical in the depth of our hearts is why we exist, why we were created.

I adore this unrelenting rain especially at night—its pervasiveness and its gentleness, in the relief it brings to the spirit. It poses many challenges of thought about God, in its capacity to make me eager for understanding. Darkness always makes the rain sacred especially when it is during Rumi`s time, like now—then there is absolute silence. In a way it is like soul-moving music  like “Canon in D” which completely envelopes us in its sound as it creates “the” perfect silence, the perfect peace in our souls.

-Firebird

Where is God?

Bismillahi 'r-rahmani 'r-raheem

I tried to find Him on the Christian cross, but He was not there; I went to the Temple of the Hindus and to the old pagoda, but I could not find a trace of Him anywhere.

I searched the mountains and the valleys but neither in the heights nor in the depths was I able to find Him. I went to the Kaaba in Mecca, but He was not there either.

I questioned the scholars and philosophers, but He was beyond their understanding.

I then looked into my heart and it was there where He dwelled that I saw him; He was nowhere else to be found.

Jalaluddin Rumi

Justify my soul,O God

Justify my soul, O God, but also from Your fountains fill my will with fire. Shine in my mind, although perhaps this means “be darkness to my experience,” but occupy my heart with Your tremendous Life. Let my eyes see nothing in the world but Your glory, and let my hands touch nothing that is not for Your service. 

Let my tongue taste no bread that does not strengthen me to praise Your great mercy. I will hear Your voice and I will hear all harmonies You have created, singing Your hymns. 

Sheep’s wool and cotton from the field shall warm me enough that I may live in Your service; I will give the rest to Your poor. Let me use all things for one sole reason: to find my joy in giving You glory.Therefore keep me, above all things, from sin. 

Keep me from the death of deadly sin which puts hell in my soul. 

Keep me from the murder of lust that blinds and poisons my heart. 

Keep me from the sins that eat a man’s flesh with irresistible fire until he is devoured. 

Keep me from loving money in which is hatred, from avarice and ambition that suffocate my life. 

Keep me from the dead works of vanity and the thankless labour in which artists destroy themselves for pride and money and reputation, and saints are smothered under the avalanche of their own importunate zeal. 

Stanch in me the rank wound of covetousness and the hungers that exhaust my nature with their bleeding. Stampout the serpent envy that stings love with poison and kills all joy. Untie my hands and deliver my heart from sloth.

Setme free from the laziness that goes about disguised as activity when activity is not required of me, and from the cowardice that does what is not demanded, in order to escape sacrifice.

But give me the strength that waits upon You in silence and peace. Give me humility in which alone is rest, and deliver me from pride which is the heaviest of burdens. And possess my whole heart and soul with the simplicity of love.

Occupy my whole life with the one thought and the one desire of love, that I may love not for the sake of merit, not for the sake of perfection, not for the sake of virtue, not for the sake of sanctity, but for You alone.

For there is only one thing that can satisfy love and reward it, and that is You alone.

Spiritual awakening

“Spiritual awakening is frequently described as a journey to the top of a mountain. We leave our attachments and our worldliness behind and slowly make our way to the top. At the peak we have transcended all pain. The only problem with this metaphor is that we leave all the others behind—our drunken brother, our schizophrenic sister, our tormented animals and friends. Their suffering continues, unrelieved by our personal escape.

In the process of discovering bodhichitta, the journey goes down, not up. It’s as if the mountain pointed toward the center of the earth instead of reaching into the sky. Instead of transcending the suffering of all creatures, we move toward the turbulence and doubt. We jump into it. We slide into it. We tiptoe into it. We move toward it however we can. We explore the reality and unpredictably of insecurity and pain, and we try not to push it away. If it takes years, if it takes lifetimes, we let it be as it is. At our own pace, without speed or aggression, we move down and down and down. With us move millions of others, our companions in awakening from fear. At the bottom we discover water, the healing water of bodhichitta. Right down there in the thick of things, we discover the love that will not die.” ~ Pema Chödrön from When Things Fall Apart

The spiritual journey is not about personal escape. Neither is it about meditating in a cave in Nepal, or being locked away in some monastery chanting behind some huge wall, neither is it about escaping into an other dimension through prayer. It is all about becoming more and more fully alive, being engaged and plugged in to the “highest” within ourselves so that we can most fully give ourselves to the world as we shine with a joyous, radiant enthusiasm.  It is about living in the world—not an easy exercise.

Our actual potential, our gift that often lies dormant and lost—it has to be discovered,  integrated into life, into the world so that one may benefit from it, as well as the world. Not an easy task –to extricate and bring back the hidden treasures, the hidden gifts—but it is worth it, as  it is that what gives us a sense of fulfillment, a sense of purpose  and reason for life. Otherwise life is but an empty vessel—hollow filled simply with echoes of what could be, may have been—filled with empty dreams and desires. 

Sure—meditation, prayers are needed for the “Holy Spirit” to manifest, to guide one`s soul—they are the tools, vehicle for activating us into action from the “divine”-- to help us on our quest. 

The so called “hero’s journey” is not about being enamored by the journey of spirituality, of being special, being different, being the chosen one of God—Neither is it a road where we leave the world behind and enter the forest of the unknown at the darkest point as we battle metaphorical demons in pursuit of inner treasures. But, we need to remember that that is only part of the process. The real challenge—and the most important part of the journey—begins when we bring what we have discovered back to the world—all that which one discovers , that is our mission. Bring forth all the undiscovered potential that we each posses and through its action make the world a better place. Integrate all this knowledge to the world—to life a fulfilled, meaningful life. Easy to get to the treasure, much more difficult to bring it forth.

Thus real, authentic life is all about being involved, helping utilizing all the gifts that we were given in making the world a better place for all of creation—all that is living. It is through this process that we grow, unfold and move forward. This realization is spiritual awakening.

-Firebird

Obsession

 An odd day, an odd experience--a lesson to be learnt.

How extremely strange our human nature is—we never know how an other feels until we walk in an other`s moccasins—seeing the situation from both sides now. I know now how it feels to be almost stifled by romance, by possession, by passion–by words, behavior and actions. Rather uncomfortable situation, a bit terrifying and new for me. One can hardly breathe and one wants to run the other way, it is like an all consuming fire.  Extremely scary in a way for me—. Now I can understand when people get stalked in the name of love and they are frightened to death—it is not love but obsession.  Maybe initially it is simply infatuation running wild—if it continues then it becomes obsession, nothing healthy about it I am realizing.

The sad thing is either we are extremely passionate about an other, who is not about us—or they are extremely passionate about us and we are not. It is never really what we want—is it?

It is rather a good lesson for me to learn and experience—and be very careful. Balance is the key to everything I am learning through all this experience. Though I have to confess--all this attention is great for my ego--it is great for my self esteem and confidence.

6 month inventory!

My time is running out

Time to get moving so says the clock--need to leave some serious footprints behind.Need serious life changes with the help God, my Blessed Mother, LeLaHel, Xerxes , St Francis, St Jude, St Anthony,Blessed KW, St Jude, St Francis, JC/TM--Thank you.


Start  August/2013---marked with asterisks things that are done.This is going to be very tough and demanding.

Some days are more inspired than others.Today is such a day. Not because it is the "Feast of the Transfiguration", but for some reason I am filled with the Holy Spirit. I know, I know--I am no great saint at all. But I am still filled to the brim--yes, glowing, transfigured and radiating all possible light and love. Yeah--and damn cute as well.Today I like myself--some days not.

This is not being that really --but it is being filled with life. Thus I decided not to do much--though I did have much on the agenda, though I wasn`t going to see any patients today anyway--but this is now "my day"--of appreciating "all, myself and you darling of course. Bare --"assed" at times--but really "arsed" is the term I was searching for--appreciated in any which way.

Much of this morning was spent in quite contemplation, reading and prayers. Feels good. At times I feel so far from God, and at times like now, I am within His heart. I am grateful for all, I seem to see things in a more clear light when I am like this-- . Plus, I don`t care about much-except to see and value all that there is , appreciate all of creation that is the only thing that matters only really. People, animals and all my plants--all plants, flowers and even the weeds-- that I love.

I am almost a vegetarian, Thanks God.--I don`t eat much meat at all--lacto-ovo though. Meat generally only once a week-not even, mostly chicken or fish Some weeks not at all. So --today I have decided to change a few things in my life-True, often I do this and keep to it, commit to it briefly, then I forget. Maybe now, if I write down a few things I will be able to keep to it--with the grace of God.

1.  Meat or fish only once a week/or none--this is carved in stone-though Jesus ate fish. Meat?
*
2.  Do one good deed for someone or something daily- unselfishly
*
3.  Visit "Our Lady" once a week at the chapel with the "exposition"

4.  Try to do 1st Fridays/ hopefully--this is tought.Spirit is strong/flesh weak.

5.  Maybe get an other child in South America maybe Africa this time--Astrid is 16 already/

6.  Call Shirley for a few minutes every week
 *

So here is the laundry list--some I have been doing a while. This is mostly for my eternal life--not the physical, but it is all sort of intertwined.  Let`s say --resolutions. I don`t want to call it that, but that what it is--for I have never stuck to a resolution for long. But Og Mandino--in "The greatest Salesman"says one has to practise it for 14 days--morning, noon, night and once before bed--whatever it is and it will become a habit. So I shall try--Well already I am sabotaging myself--"I will do it"!

For the next 3 month--baby steps, baby steps--only need help in keeping to the commitment.

1.   Post on the M site daily--I have been doing that for months now--no problem
 *
2.   Rosary--Caplets of Divine Mercy-doing that for a long time-easy as pie
 *
3.   Maha - mantra--added a while back-great
 *
4.   Tack on "Maranatha " onto the "divine mercy chaplets "--just to keep all bases covered,just in case
 *
5.   Read "Laws of success"--finally finish it after 20 years

6.   Read again the "The cloud of unknowing","Seven storey mountain"--finish "No man is an Island"

7.   Finish the "Gita" as well as "Pagan Christ"--I stopped a while back

8.   Start the "Consecration"--well hopefully--and the hourly angels, only Laud gets her time
 *
9.   Check out a few things on" Sacred text archives"-Tantra,Shakti/Shakta/Hindu deities

10. A little divination--is in order/as well as a little"this and that" now and then

11. Get re-acquainted  with my angel -LeLaHel --sadly  he/she is rather neglected

13. Visit "Plato`s Cave"/"Origen"/"Descaretes"/"Kung"-now and then these months

14.  Meditation/60 minutes--no yoga for me just yet-getting there,meditation is!

15. Converse a little more with Xerxes--he too is somewhat neglected

16. Light a candle everyday on gratefulness-I have been doing that for a good while/can`t in the house because of Felix`s allergies/ neither can I do incense/ nor the Tibetan "thingy" I got for Christmas from Oliver. The high pitch sound it creates drives all 3 kitties livid.
 *
17.  Do the translation for Gyuri once week--God I feel guilty

18.  Read some  U post/and answer-poor guys they are seriously neglected
 *
19.  Listen to "Teremtes csatornaja"-every Thursday`s lectures

20.  Exopolitics- Kip News--look now and then
 *
21.  Read some M/JC daily, even if it is a quote

22. Write, write, write

This is it for the next 3 months--unless some tragedy unfolds--heaven forbid.


After 3 months I shall take inventory--and see what I have done. I shall be proud or totally destroyed.
Update: March 2014/ doing awesome, better than expected and then some--more than 6 months -WOW.--But I knew I could.

Entry from my personal blog-

Ends and beginnings, beginnings and ends!

 
We all have some secret life in a small way--this I wrote end of last year, it is time for it to see  "day light". I shall now and then re-post some of them here--as the universe instructs me. As I feel stronger each day, as I am so very much these days. AS I re-read these entries I see my way as I was growing up, and I was hammering at the same points over, over and over again--way through our relationship. I was battling myself, you and God--over and over. Same old, same old theme. At last I have finally relinquished it all, offered it all up--got the strength to move on.

All the images in these blogs have old clocks-I saw fit as time is non existent!

When I started these blogs--in July 2013, I had in mind that one day I shall allow you to read all  of them--when I was secure within myself, secure with you--and promised myself I shall never have secrets from you. They are very personal. Looking back--I now see that we were often at odds--why I have no idea for I knew we did truly love each other. I suppose love is like that.

“The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.”
The Illuminated Rumi―

14/July 2013
AS above, so below.

The past two weeks have been almost a complete purging of spirit.  Paradise lost, and regained once more. This is my last post in this chapter, the end here and a wonderful new beginning--a new road, a new process, a new name, a new blog. The real one. Today--I see why Our Lady said it had to be done, it was my choice to"play the game" or not. I could have messed up big time, it was my test as it was yours. I passed, you failed. However as now, I know it was the right thing to do. Something awesome happened within me, hearing your last words would certainly have devastated me a while back, but as strange as it maybe, on the contrary--I am not. I feel a warm peace washing over me, a tranquillity, an exhilaration, exuberance, a surge of energy and ecstatically happy. I have been on a slow road to this, but suddenly I have arrived. In truth, with an open heart I knew your decision, for I known your stubborn, dogged nature, and your fire--but I had to be sure.

The sad thing for you, and the gift for me was that you opened up and have shown your heart--betrayal is a "dark spirit", that is one lesson that you still have to learn. To betray one`s self is a limiting, devastating exercise.  Am I the better part of you, and I, the older, the wiser if that is possible--the strong, courageous, the brave one. I never thought I would say this, but I am. I see now that I have never ever really needed you--because I was always present, within you, as you are within me. You always have and will need me for that completion of recognition, of acceptance.  I am that part of yourself that you are chasing. I am the angel on the train, I am the little hawk, I am the spider, also I am Cora. You are writing to me. I am the swaying aspen trees, the toothless old woman, the stone mason all the ever existing dark spaces, crevices of your mind.  I am the poison as well as the balm that heals all wounds, I am that silence and I am the mercy of God within that you are searching for, as well as the forgiveness. You know this, for it is all "you". Will you catch "yourself" one day, maybe. But, catch you will, for it is your missing part.

This is not a romantic notion at all, nothing to do with that, but the complexity of spirit, a jigsaw when a part is missing. Self realization. You think that it is about all the romance for me, this illusion of the "fairy tale"--never was. We are not opposites at all, but incomplete trying to be whole as we were created. I now know , but I have integrated within me that which is you, into every cell of my being--that is why I had to do this. That is why I am at the most tranquil, peaceful time that I have ever experience in all of my existences. I was heading this way a while back, but now with you  this happening--which had to, I have arrived. You see darling, as you said"walking backwards" we do arrive at the same place eventually, but also it becomes once more a new beginning with a complete vision on the entire territory covered. Thus I am there--Ouroboros.You are not yet.

As I was reading some of your recent letters I smiled often and repeated the phrase"you are so not grown up". Wisdom of spirit is not equated with intelligence, nor understanding complex philosophical issues nor using and knowing the entire Oxford dictionary backwards or writing beautifully in complex terms--that is just being a brilliant, exquisite and talented writer, but that still does not make you a brilliant soul. Neither an enlightened one. What is the use of all the writing when it is not adding to the polishing of the diamond?

Yes--much is in Pytha--I have read it, and re-read it, every word often through the years--probably can quote stuff from there that you yourself have forgotten. What I am trying to say to you is, do not be blinded for then you shall lose your way quite easily if you get stuck in the mud.  Strange as it may seem there were a few entries within Pytha that made no sense to me though I read it dozens of times, suddenly, now every word makes illuminating sense, it is like some scales have fallen from my understanding, and now I see with my minds eye. You have asked and were given, you knocked the door is open--though do realize that by pushing the door it will not open, for it opens inwards.

 I am that angel in the red raincoat, I am that whom you are looking for. I was on that train, I now see that,  I am the wayshower, I am that which you seek, I am that which you yearn for, I am that whom you are searching for--it is your very self all along. I thought it was the other way around--no it is not.

But, still your ego gets in the way. The great sin, the "missed mark"--still you do it. Like the sweet thornbird that dies in the process of sacrificing its very life on top of those thorns for that one song to God. I cannot help you if you refuse my help, I cannot hold your hand if you refuse to hold mine and I cannot give you peace unless you accept it. You cannot fly if you refuse your other wing, I cannot love you if you do not allow me to.

The past two weeks have totally transformed me, like the Phoenix, I have made it through the transformation, through the fire--into something else, into "completion". Transfiguration. This is ascension for me, I never thought I would utter these words--the "shift" is complete. For you, you have to choose it. Our Lady is always right, and so is sweet, beautiful  Xerxes. I wasn`t quite aware of your choice, but you chose something else. In the end we all know, our soul knows and if we ask God we are shown the way. Always.

Often I was measured with you, at times chose my words carefully--even then my words were misconstrued, misunderstood. I begged and pleaded with you, the more I did it, the more you refused. I thought I needed you, but it is you who needed me all along.

I was scared that you may leave me, frightened that you would forget me and love me no more. I thought that by giving all, allowing all and being all for you is what I needed to do for you to understand "us". The thing is you have to understand "us", I already always have. Only when you shall feel me moving within you, only when your hear my heart beats within yours, only when my mind is within yours, only when you see me as an expression of yourself, only when our spirits are fused and there is no more separation shall you have reach the point of completion within God. I have--I need no other human being--as you need Naomi.

I do know that we are very different from other souls--we are perhaps older, or come from a "different existence, or sphere of reality", a different creation, a different part of God perhaps than most--if there is such a term . There are some in the world like us, but very few. This is not haughtiness, or pride just acknowledgement and recognition of our heritage. Neither is it such that we are the "movers or shakers of this world", or the chosen ones, we are not. Is not about that, goes far deeper, but much to do about God . It is not about "here", it is about "all that is"--if that makes sense.

Why us? Why you? Why me?--I suppose the answer to that lies in our love for God, our dedication to our existence and our gratitude of "being"--in sorts"enlightenment". The purpose all that is--is "us", the complete version within God, as Rumi has said.  Yes, he was an other, so was Hafiz, so is dear Hermano,  the Little Flower and a few other saints and sinners .

I don`t know if you remember, but one of the very first messages of Our lady  answering my question as to our purpose, our mission. Her response was"pulling souls through".  That is it--but we can only do that when they allow us the permission to do so. Neither were we mature enough at the time for the task, I now see. We needed that completion within each other--you see it is done, you simply have to accept it, realize it then it is activated--I have. Have you? I know you haven`t, for you wouldn`t have written all those letters to Naomi--you see that was the "test". You are still looking and far more attached to the material than I am. You failed it. Think about it.

Please do not think this is about all the love and romance. Don`t confuse the issue, though that is tied in for that what is part of love, part of spirit, it is not really the issue--please give me credit for that. I am not this little confused, lovestruck teenager hopelessly in love with you--dreaming to make love to you. Once more I shall evoke Hafiz`s name--read him then you will once know me entirely, thus you will also know yourself. I do.

You are still far more attached to the physical than I am--that is why you need an audience, you need boosting of your ego to feel accepted. But, the only acceptance we need to do is accept ourselves, for we are "all". That is what is resting within God, that what you so ardently seek, you already have.

Read the letters you wrote Naomi--and think with soul. You seem to be in the exact spot you were seven years ago, extricate yourself. Everything is the same. Nothing gained, much lost.

" Lovers--that is another kettle of fish. I haven't grokked so fearsome a beast as all that. Not yet."
You see I have.

In memory of lent

 

With faith in your resurrection, with hope in your power that undoes every death, I lift up my heart with love for you. She for your Holy Spirit who makes me more deeply your disciple. Crossing the threshold of this holy season, I renew my gratitude for the gift of being alive.

On this Holy Wednesday, my forehead smeared with ashes, I accept my own death as holy: you have sanctified it. I offer my life and my death in thanksgiving to you, Jesus, the Christ, my Savior and my God.
-from last Wednesday

Clothing

Life absolutely amazes me in which way God works. I guess the reverend mother in the Sound of Music was so right about when God shuts a door He opens a window. This of course is only if we allow Him. I have, and my life is flowing in a most extra ordinary venue.  This year has been amazing in so many ways, in so many wonders, in such a magical way.  Friends from childhood turning up—out of the mist of time, new friends, connections that are transforming my life. One has to allow it all to happen—God is always there but at times we are obstinate and want our own way. We doggedly cling to the past, to hope that has long ago dissipated, and to love that is no longer there. It is hard to break free of the bonds, but once severed one is able to fly once more to height previously not possible. Each relationship has certain limits—or as they say—we have certain parts to play—and then we exit  or an other enters, life unfolds in the most wonderful way.

Do I regret anything in my life? Not one single minute—I would still do everything the same, want to be the person I am and keep walking the same path. I would not be the person I am were it not for my experiences which have formed me—which have kneaded me—are still kneading me, sculpting me; my soul as well as my spirit. It is like changing a garment—we put on a new one once we enter a new scene.  We carefully take it of—with some saddness, wash it, iron it and fold it and carefully pack it away amongst tissue paper in a cardboard box. At we may take it out now and then as time passes—look at it and remember through the remnants of the whiff of perfume, the colours of the fabric and the texture which reminds us of times gone by, moments carved into our minds, words of passion remembered with deep emotion and faces that seem to fade as time passes.  We recall the sweet memories it brings back as we hold our “well loved garment” close our hearts once more as we remember, recall the stories, the words, the memories that it holds—all the treasures that it implanted in our hearts—then once more we return it to its box, and put it on the top shelf of the cupboard being enriched by the experience. Nothing is ever permanent except the memories.

Someone asked today—“What do you believe? Do you believe there is only one person out there to love you? Or more than one? Can you truly love more than one person?” For a long time I thought there was only one—but now I have come to understand, acknowledge and do believe that most definitely there is more than one. I sort of felt guilty—I felt I was betraying “love”. Even a few weeks ago I coudn`t shake the feeling, until I realized through a conversation that –every relationship is an experience to grow by, every relationship brings along a new view, brings a new panorama of soul, spirit and the world with it. The more deep relationships we have, and the more we have to gain – the more we grow. Nothing that we ever truly posses, or love is ever lost—it becomes the very living fabric that we actually are –we become each other for always. This is the greatest lesson Our Lady could ever teach me—for now I know. Yes-strength, courage, faith, hope and experience the very transforming power of love.
-Firebird

The Divine,is Love

Looking into my intoxicated eyes

You accept my passion 
with the serenity of Love

 You are the Master of Existence

One day I shall be a Lover like You

~Rumi

All that is Divine, is Love

All that exists, exists in love. From a cosmic perspective we see the divine romance, a divine dance in all things. The lover and the beloved.

In the beginning was only Love, Light, only love Divine.  Love was everything, the All that IS,--the I AM the Creator, God Himself.  And in His completeness, Love, whom is God personified had a dream.  He dreamed He could know Himself in His entirety, could explore and discover Himself in all His infinite wonder and so it created the Beloved—you and I. His very own essence—His divine nature, the eternal spark burst forth.  Out of the vast limitlessness of His creative being, You and I were born—sprung forth from the Creator`s very existence; we, the living divine spark. A single point of light, unique, an individual expression of the embodied of God, the Beloved was brought forth.

The Lover is Unity. The Beloved is a multifarious incorporation of divine love, a spiritual body with infinite members. Each spark of light has it's own wonder. You have your own wonder! When two or more sparks come together in love, the wonder is amplified. It is no small thing, when love unites together in embodied love.

This embodied love is an art, a living poem; when two lovers enter sacred pleasure or three friends share laughter overflowing from divine joy or a room full of open hearts silently gazing into each others souls. Love is magnified, enlarged, expressed.

Clowns of God

I saw a beautiful movie tonight--about a pure spirit named Jon who has the most severe Down`s Syndrome. He dosn`t speak--but his soul sings of the pure love of God, radiating pure light!


CLOWNS OF GOD

I know what are you thinking.
You need a sign.
What better one could I give
than to make this little one whole and new?
I could do it; but I will not.
I am the Lord and not a conjurer.

I gave this mite a gift I denied to all of you
ETERNAL INNOCENCE
To you he looks imperfect
but to me he is flawless,
like the bud that dies unopened,
or the fledglings
that fall from the nest to be devoured by ants.

He never offended me,
as all of you have done.
He never perverted the work of My Father hands.
He is necessary to you.

He will evoke the kindness that will prompt you to
gratitude for own good fortune....more.....
he will remind you every day that I AM who I AM,
that My ways are not yours,
and the smallest dust mite whirled in darkest
space does not fall out of my hand.

I have chosen you.
you have not chosen me.
this little one is my sign to you.
TREASURE HIM.

Be present, show up

All makes a difference. Being present, showing up to all events in one`s life.

Sometimes things eclipse, or dim our clear light and only later do we realize how important the events were.  We are busy, stressed worried, anxious about the future, missing the present totally—obsessing over inconsequential material stuff or events. Or at time totally immersed in the past—thus never being fully present or engaged in the “now”. There is horizontal time, (temporal time) and vertical time, (eternal time)—these at certain moments in our lives intersect. It is then we realize the signifiquence of every action that has serious consequences on our life—if we are vigilant, are present and actually show up. All events have a purpose and often we seem to sleep through the events—so we miss the “learning points”.

At the very point of intersection is the spot where we can step back and see events unfolding almost as if we were totally detached—like a movie, at that moment it all make clear absolute sense—we see all crystal clear the reasons of the happenstance.  In those moments we accept, embrace the situation with full awareness—and suddenly our lives seem to have purpose and interpretation for all the motivations and the so seeming incomprehensible actions of fate. In that moment we seem to see life from both ends—and recognize the eternal truth that, “everything in fact falls into the great cosmic unfolding”. There are no wrong roads, no senseless experiences, no coincidences—only synchronicity.

Once we realize this—life becomes easier as we realize that in the end it is all for the “positive expansion of the soul”.  This way all our life events have purpose—which we realize that in that moment of occurrence we may not comprehend, but willingly accept and bare the load. Picking up our cross in a way—without much complaint.

Personally I believe that unless we come to the realization of this—consciously, then those events have much less of an impact than when we recognize their importance, or being in a sense of an “awakened” state. If and when we live in the unconscious present oblivious of all divine actions all of life`s actions seems purposeless. Often life events occur and we rebel against it—kicking and screaming how very unfair life is, but looking at the events more objectively we see the lessons that the said event brought forth—are all within the “divine eternal now”.

Things seldom seem as they are!

 

The Cookie Thief

A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shop,
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see,
That the man beside her, as bold as could be,
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.

She munched cookies and watched the clock,
As this gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking “If I wasn’t so nice I’d blacken his eye”.
With each cookie she took, he took one too.
And when only one was left she wondered what he’d do.
With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half as he ate the other.
She snatched it from him and thought “Oh brother!
This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude.
Why he didn’t even show any gratitude”.
She had never known when she had been so galled
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate,
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.

She boarded the plane and sank in her seat.
Then sought her book which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage she gasped with surprise.
There was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes.
“If mine are here” she moaned with despair,
“Then the others were his and he tried to share”.
“Too late to apologize” she realized with grief.

That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.

~ Valerie Cox

Why?/Because.

Why?

Always there comes a time to say goodbye—so that we do not destroy what we have, especially when one feels that one is a bit on rocky ground—we have been for a good while now.  It makes me a bit sad, but we choose our choices. Thus before we kill it, it is time to leave. Do I love you? Absolutely more so than ever, always will—that is why I have decided to leave, to let go and allow space between us. I am sure you feel the same way as you have demonstrated the past few months. They were wonderful, beautiful, incredible times—the feelings, the passion and the emotions I am sure are beyond measure and I doubt either of us shall ever experience again or forget—I know you agree with this. But—as the “Ancient Mariner” said; “the Bible says all good things must come to an end”—so, I want a good end , not a bad end. This route is for an eternal romantic; which I surely am.

At last I have finally had the courage to bury the past, I have removed my ring; this time it is not resting in Lake Ontario though.—It always is painful to face death, in any way or form. But as John C says —“offer it up, offer it up, offer it up”—I am. It simply had to be—this had to happen; I have done nothing, thus I feel no guilt, remorse or blame. Were the past years good? Tremendously —I have learnt to love in a deep, emotional, spiritual way an other soul, and was deeply loved—and through the experience I have come closer in understanding God. Not that God can be understood, but through this experience to feel His unfathomable love in a small way.

I have to admit—loving the way we did with such fire, such passion, such depth I always had a deep fear that it cannot be sustained; I dreaded this moment, which I knew would come one day—as they all say it will, those who have loved. It can only be sustained in death—when the other leaves.  That is the only way. Thus—I have decided to let our love die—in this way we shall always remember it with love, with passion and reverence –. I know that even on our genuine death bed we shall recall our loving moments, our words that we have said to each other so many times. I am sure that will be the case, for memories never fade when we truly love and they are the only things we take with us to the next life—this makes me feel so much at peace.

This at this point maybe a one sided sentiment, in fact I am sure you are angry—but I assure you, you will remember my words many times—even before our mortal end. When one is being loved is real hard to let go—especially when the other already has left in a way. We cling on for dear life, pray and plead with God, yet all is always our own doing, our own decision, our own hard headedness, our own indomitable ego. We always want, always yearn what we don`t have or what we have lost all through our own actions—we take the present , the “now” always for granted.—but the “eternal now” is our real life, which is a constant whatever we file into it.

Life is far too short—not all of us get to be loved, and yet we treat love often so lightly when it stares us in the face. We cry, howl and beg for its return only when we have lost it—then we realize its value and that how very blessed we were to have been given such a gift. Yes—it is through loving an other soul, as they mirror back to us the actual physical manifestation, characteristics of God; the experience of the divine –the more we love the deeper the experience agape. God truly is love.  Through this realization that we grow, blossom and unfurl our wings—that is the gift of love.  How very lucky we are—you and I—how blessed, how filled with grace; God loves us so very much to have give us this gift to experience.