Why?/Because.

Why?

Always there comes a time to say goodbye—so that we do not destroy what we have, especially when one feels that one is a bit on rocky ground—we have been for a good while now.  It makes me a bit sad, but we choose our choices. Thus before we kill it, it is time to leave. Do I love you? Absolutely more so than ever, always will—that is why I have decided to leave, to let go and allow space between us. I am sure you feel the same way as you have demonstrated the past few months. They were wonderful, beautiful, incredible times—the feelings, the passion and the emotions I am sure are beyond measure and I doubt either of us shall ever experience again or forget—I know you agree with this. But—as the “Ancient Mariner” said; “the Bible says all good things must come to an end”—so, I want a good end , not a bad end. This route is for an eternal romantic; which I surely am.

At last I have finally had the courage to bury the past, I have removed my ring; this time it is not resting in Lake Ontario though.—It always is painful to face death, in any way or form. But as John C says —“offer it up, offer it up, offer it up”—I am. It simply had to be—this had to happen; I have done nothing, thus I feel no guilt, remorse or blame. Were the past years good? Tremendously —I have learnt to love in a deep, emotional, spiritual way an other soul, and was deeply loved—and through the experience I have come closer in understanding God. Not that God can be understood, but through this experience to feel His unfathomable love in a small way.

I have to admit—loving the way we did with such fire, such passion, such depth I always had a deep fear that it cannot be sustained; I dreaded this moment, which I knew would come one day—as they all say it will, those who have loved. It can only be sustained in death—when the other leaves.  That is the only way. Thus—I have decided to let our love die—in this way we shall always remember it with love, with passion and reverence –. I know that even on our genuine death bed we shall recall our loving moments, our words that we have said to each other so many times. I am sure that will be the case, for memories never fade when we truly love and they are the only things we take with us to the next life—this makes me feel so much at peace.

This at this point maybe a one sided sentiment, in fact I am sure you are angry—but I assure you, you will remember my words many times—even before our mortal end. When one is being loved is real hard to let go—especially when the other already has left in a way. We cling on for dear life, pray and plead with God, yet all is always our own doing, our own decision, our own hard headedness, our own indomitable ego. We always want, always yearn what we don`t have or what we have lost all through our own actions—we take the present , the “now” always for granted.—but the “eternal now” is our real life, which is a constant whatever we file into it.

Life is far too short—not all of us get to be loved, and yet we treat love often so lightly when it stares us in the face. We cry, howl and beg for its return only when we have lost it—then we realize its value and that how very blessed we were to have been given such a gift. Yes—it is through loving an other soul, as they mirror back to us the actual physical manifestation, characteristics of God; the experience of the divine –the more we love the deeper the experience agape. God truly is love.  Through this realization that we grow, blossom and unfurl our wings—that is the gift of love.  How very lucky we are—you and I—how blessed, how filled with grace; God loves us so very much to have give us this gift to experience.