Existing in love #66

Human nature is most strange, especially when it comes to love.

 I read somewhere once, that has stayed in my head,--well the major important  points anyway. It is my translation of it-can`t even remember its origin--where it comes from, or who wrote it, but it did have a profound impression on me.

To love another as a person we must begin by granting them their own autonomy, freedom and identity as a person in every way. Allowing them to be themselves, not what we desire them to be but whom they chose to be in every way. However if we agree disingenuously with each word they say, every action they take or beliefs that they may hold is contrary to love. This is action is born out of fear for them leaving us, deep fear of abandonment, thus we become  prisoners of love. This is a form of slavery for both the lover and the loved--for it is completely insincere and dishonest.

 We should love them for what they are unto themselves, not what they are to us-- for their own good, not for our good, for their own beliefs not for our own. If we really love them, our love should transform us into the other person--seeing what they see, feel what they feel, experience the realities of their life as they do with all sincerity as if it was our very own. We should not want the person to change--but we have to be able to transform ourselves into them entirely,-encompass all that they are, but remaining true to ourselves,-true to our own life at the same time in all its completeness. This is what existing in love is.

Two becoming one, yet-being more than the sum of the two. Sort of having one wing when we are alone, just hopping around on the ground and in the presence of love, one suddenly has two wings and thus is able to fly, to soar to incredible heights.

Such transformation demands sacrifice,--of  acceptance, of surrender, of selflessness, of understanding and of letting go of ego--for without them genuine love is impossible.








 

Spaced out mystery-bizarre #65

This happened August 7/13-I posted it here then I took it off and posted it in the other section, but I think it needs to be here. A I sort of touched on it in my letter of yesterday, and this sensation is still happening, though not as strongly as on that day. It comes in some milder form. In truth I have no idea what happened then, and other times.

A most Bizarre Day:

Some days one wants to say so much that nothing comes out--this is one of those days. It has been the most strange and weird day in my entire life. Like what Alice felt as she stepped though the looking glass. I was totally spaced out, like I was elsewhere--still has that feel . No drugs or alcohol, I had none- that created this-started this morning, I just couldn`t think straight at all--couldn`t remember anything--I was almost disassociated from my self. Maybe it is chanting the "Maha Mantra" that has done this, so I think I shall slow down a bit. I can`t think what else it could be--but everything seems to be distant, like it is happening to someone else. Yesterday seems like years ago, this morning months ago--and even now I can`t remember much. Awfully weird--frightening I have never experienced this ever before. Time feels strange--and distant. That what it  feels like-- very bizarre. I am still in that zone-it is eerie. It is not a great feeling at all.

I can`t remember this morning--or very little of today in fact. Like I can`t  think straight--I am wondering if I shall dream anything tonight . Generally my dreams are very odd often--non--connected and very short ---and I cant remember them either.

Come to think of it, I feel I am in this trance, probably I am--this is not good when one is alone, I don`t think that I shall carry on tonight. I think that is why they say--you have to go slow. I really think that the mantra has everything to do with it.  I  feel like am totally drunk at this point, I swear I haven`t had anything to drink-I am too frightened to do so at this point anyway--It is now 12.20am--.This has had to be the strangest day in my life regarding this experience.

Now--the point is what do I do next? Everything feels distorted and far away. Maybe this is just a new experience for me--though I have tried to deep mediate, soul-travel and do self hypnosis--it never really worked, or very little. I was always present and conscious--now I seem to be elsewhere. Really the way it feels that I am totally disassociated. Like I look at my hands and they are not mine--I shan`t look in the mirror at this point....for it may be a stranger staring back at me. 

I can`t remember anything --I can`t even remember posting anything, I faintly remember writing to you--nothing else. All foreign and very distant--I am a bit scared. This is just the opposite as what I wanted to experience--I wanted to experience more of the "now" that Tolle is always talking about, this is more of being away.

A few days ago--I was in this "contemplative" phase, not I am out there and it is very unique. I remember feeling like this once--when years ago I tried LSD--that too frightened me. Maybe it was because Leary always said you have to be guided through the experience--otherwise you will have a bad trip. Well--at the time it wasn`t great as it frightened me a bit--as this is now. Especially that I am alone here by myself.

What do I feel right now--an awful sadness, my heart and eyes are filled with tears--.Why? I have no idea. For what I have no idea either--maybe just at life. maybe this is a bad trip--and I shouldn`t have embarked on it alone. I think--you wrote a card yesterday. I can`t remember what you said--I know it was something nice. Now every part of me seems to be pulsing--I really have no idea where all this is leading, if anywhere. I wanted to take a pill to sleep a while back, but I don`t think I should for maybe that will make things worse.

I feel all lost floating out there in space--maybe I should listen to some Leonard Cohen--he always makes me feel good, but even my head is spinning at the moment. Thoughts all scrambled--in a blender of sorts. I would like to hear something, see something but all I get is a big muddle and a whole lot of noise. Nothing is clear nothing is in focus and nothing makes sense--especially time right now. Like the song--"Far from me"--from  the album "brothers in arms" of Dire Straits. This what is called as being "spaced out". My fingers are throbbing and my whole system is buzzing as if filled with electricity--probably is.

Come to think of it maybe it wasn`t the mantra, but the fume of the bleach I used today to clean this morning--it was very strong--that is probably what is doing this to my brain. Because--straight after is when I started going downhill--or up hill--depends where you are looking at this aspect from. Yeah--probably, well that what sniffing glue does--dosn`t it? I have never done that--but maybe  that is what they call "high" --maybe I am flying high--or low on bleach--not on the "Maha Mantra". Now--this is real funny--actually I am laughing silly here. Actually my hands still smell of bleach--and I have some in a bucket still in the kitchen. I think I feel better now, that it is not some supernatural event taking hold of me but chloride fumes.

Now I know what they mean about talking things through--even if I am talking to myself--and that is the first sign of madness--probably that is how it started with Vincent initially-- :-)

I am also starving here right now --I have to find something to eat this very moment. Not much in the fridge--maybe something. It is after 1am now--but my head should be clearing, I shall empty the bucket in the kitchen as probably it is still fuelling my brain full of toxins. Mind you--I do like the smell--so does Felix, he goes mad for it. He gets spaced out from it totally. That should have keyed me in-...what an idiot I am. Okay--mystery solved. I feel so very much better now. Now I go, eat relax and be merry.

As Mr.Spock always says:" All is very logical"--we only create mysteries. There is none.

The flight of thoughts #64

Funny how one`s mind works. At times stuff is all there, and then a moment and-----poof gone. I had all these things planned in my head of things I wanted to say this morning but I spent much time in updating our "card entries"--wow, we have almost 300 since our new life together. True, most are from me, but you have written  many letters I have archived --as well as mine own ones. I do it regularly as it then becomes far too much of a task. Now all thoughts have fled from me, no wonder-- thoughts do have wings.

It is really only the words that remain--so I treasure all of ours in an almost "sacred" way--I consider them to be  the expression of our actual inner life. We are the only ones that know about it--it is really a secret life that we are living, an actual other world.

Only the words remain. Of All else dissipates and disappears into the fog of the past. There is no future either--I rarely make any plans, all we have is the moment of "now" and the "past memories"--be that good or bad.  Our lives are like a tapestry of words said to each other--I make no distinction between the spoken or written words. To me they are exactly the same in our hearts and minds. The mind cannot distinguish between the actual experience in the physical, to experiences in the mental sphere--so it interprets it all in the same way.

Frequently I re-visit our writings--even my own to remind myself of my own feelings--as it is often forgotten. They revitalise my soul in so many ways--I am then also reminded of what is really of importance in our brief life---what is transient and what is permanent.

To be continued later............

Tonight I got a letter from you-on my one computer it was in "computer script for some reason " but  on my lap top I could read it . It was very poetic, however made not much sense-at this time--actually often you make no sense, I have no idea what you are actually saying. But maybe I shall contemplate over it, and I shall see and feel you.--Then you wrote back--with not much explanation, but I do have an idea as to why.

I have always liked Wordsworth in school, though I do  adored Blake--but I saw the movie tonight, and it reminded me of my own youth, of poems I loved. This one was special--thought it was also in the film. However --this is from my own recollections of my heart.

INTIMATIONS OF IMMORTALITY FROM RECOLLECTIONS OF EARLY CHILDHOOD

/William Wordsworth 1880

Verse #10
Then sing, ye Birds, sing, sing a joyous song!
              And let the young Lambs bound
              As to the tabor's sound!
          We in thought will join your throng,
              Ye that pipe and ye that play,
              Ye that through your hearts to-day
              Feel the gladness of the May!

          What though the radiance which was once so bright
          Be now for ever taken from my sight,
              Though nothing can bring back the hour
          Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
              We will grieve not, rather find
              Strength in what remains behind;
              In the primal sympathy
              Which having been must ever be;
              In the soothing thoughts that spring
              Out of human suffering;
              In the faith that looks through death,
          In years that bring the philosophic mind.

Yes--it all passes only the memories remain in our heart--of people ,times, places and things--nothing else.

Braveheart #63

I really would like to say something very profound and powerful when it comes to us at this point in time, but I am at a loss and utterly lost. As I said in a prior entry--not one cell of our being is the same, nor present  as when we actually read the first words of each other seven years ago. Meaning--every single cell has changed in our bodies, not one is present from that time. Imagine? In a way be have been born anew.

Are we still the same thought? Yes--and we have become far more--have grown in many ways. I am, I also would think and hope that you also feel the same way. What a ride we have had, rather remarkable --up, down, forwards, backwards. Touching on 5-D skipping 4-D.  For a moment back there I thought I had lost you forever, those were dark, sad days indeed for me. Though I did realize that once we have loved truly, it cannot be lost. All whom we love become part of us, this thought was of solace for me. I thought if not in this life, but we shall meet once more in the next.

But fate intervened--or rather "serendipity" did, or to be more honest--God did.  Deep down I always knew---all would be well. For some weird reason I knew that we shall not be separated now,--here in this life,  as we follow our own wandering star.  I never stopped praying for us as I still do, however I never prayed for you to come back, only thanked Our Lady for bringing you into my life--I left the future  in Her hands. I would accept Her will whatever that may have been or shall be.

Now--what would I like to document regarding our time together or rather --"cybertime" that is, or maybe a better term would be our "digital self". But it sure seems very real to me--how about you?  What comes to mind mostly for you? I remember perhaps the thousands of pages of writ--words of every description and every emotion. Yes, and hundreds of cards,-- all beautiful special from the heart-- filled with words of love, of admiration and passion. It is all rather absurd, rather funny in a way, but true nonetheless--isn`t it?  My mind is filled with your magic. You see no matter what happened, were I mad, angry or hurt  --it always comes back to those words of love, which makes all the bad fade and disappear. And my heart just melts.

What does it all mean in the scheme of things? I think it really demonstrates the very real facts--that we  really do love each other under the most strangest of circumstance that life can offer, --that it actually offered us a special gift that very few experience. But why this way? Perhaps in this venue there are less constrictions, less limitations that would bind us--so there is absolutely more freedom and less physical baggage. In a way --just ways of the heart with no physical boundaries, this way it is so much more safe, deeper emotionally and far more  expansive.  Freedom of the heart--giving us a more "braveheart" in a way to explore our spirit.

You see it all comes back to one thing which I would like you to know--namely-that I could never imagine my life without you--ever. Or a day without you within my thoughts--how could I not, my other self. You are like breathing to me ever present, ever needed and always loved.

Who knows? #62

Want nothing

Need nothing

Ask nothing.
Thank all to my--
MY GOD. 

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Ode to a watch #61

How strange--eerie! This is you--exactly, my darling watch!--my one and only. Now "everybody knows--everybody knows"--like Leonard says. Even the scratches are the same on your  glass.  No you`re nothing fancy, but a most special little thing you are, ever.

Yeah--crazy-"ode to a watch"--but then nothing has ever touched you?  Has it?  It could be a watch, a dog or a person--whatever , whomever it is a special moment. Keep it safe, protect it -for such moments do not occur very often. Make it sacred and  make it holy and filled with God. Be that a simple little watch, for it what it holds that is of importance not what it is. It is not what we are,   whom we are-- but what we hold that is of importance.  It is what it brings out of us, from within our soul.  Blessed be~!

I saw an advert today--"Oliver`s jewellers" wanting to buy of anything of value- Gold, silver and all kinds of well known watches--and he mentioned Baum & Mercier.

I have one--or rather he has me. I wear him on my right hand--generally watches are worn on the left hand, not mine--for I think one should wear the watch that keeps one life in step should be worn on the dominant hand. Thus--right it is for my little watch.

Strange idea came to me when I heard Oliver the jeweller--Keates` -"Ode to an Urn". As a student in school when I had to read it, learn it I "thought how utterly stupid".  Now--these days and as I get older it seems to make more and more sense--and the thoughts behind it. But now, I am  not here to discuss Keats and his philosophy be that urns or life--but my own little watch.

Yes--your heard right-w-a-t-c-h as in a time piece--thus this is "ode to a watch". For this one truly deserves an ode, even more--perhaps a medal of sorts. So let me elaborate further on this subject of "my watch". He is the most remarkable watch in the world--I would wager on it. For something to be so determined, to be so strong one has to have a special heart and a special soul. He has that--especially a very big heart,  as he ticks, ticks and ticks...on and on and on tirelessly.

However I don`t want to discuss anything serious, nothing heavy only light--the story and adventures of my wondrous  little watch--which day and night, night and day sits on my right hand, actually wrist...and keeps going, going and going.

Now this extraordinary time piece says--1.15 am this moment, which is exactly to the second. --Now you may well ask why is this timepiece so special? Well for one--it is a Baume & Mercier, which is one of the most expensive watches in the world, but that is not his importance. Money is not everything at all--at all. Quality is--as well as its importance is the time when I got him. My sister Dolores wasn`t even born yet, man was not on the moon either  and I was only in grade 5. All true--and the more miraculous thing is, that he has never ever stopped for a moment since that time, neither is he losing or gaining a moment.  Now--if this ain`t the Rolls -Royce of watches I have no idea what could be. Also it is rather miraculous if you ask me.

What can I tell you about him?--His body is gold--true, but that is not his value. His history is. His longevity is. His very heart is. He actual travel through life with me is from age 11--and that is some trip I have to say that we have covered.  A few lifetimes for many-only one for me. A happy one at times sad--gaining losing, being present, being absent--living, loving, losing. All in conglomeration, all in a mix and all in life. And he will probably keep going once I have left this earthly realm--I can tell.

This little watch has seen it all--more than even my mother regarding me--for it has seen me in all my glory, all my failures and in all my pain--seen me all true, honest, bleeding and naked. No one has except--this little "ticking  watch" has ever seen me truly, clearly and honestly. He is truly my friend confidant and lover-one that has seen everything with me, been through with me and knows all about me.

So how did this little wonder come into my life?...this is his story.

My father had a friend--he was into all kinds of schemes and things. One day he came and said he has some things to sell--jewellery mostly, and it had amongst it this little watch. He wanted nothing extra  for the watch it came with the rest of the deal. He had won it all in a a game of "beans" from a Greek a few night before. He wanted very little, just a few Rand--and my father bought the  whole "kit & kaboodle"--I have no idea how much, but we never really had any money, so it must have been very few Rand indeed.

I was in Std.3--grade 5--Mrs Ross`s class when --I can`t remember why, but I got him. It was for no specific reason, he wasn`t a good looking watch--just a time piece.  To this day--I am sure my father would not have know what a famous make he is. He was just a watch for a kid--a man`s watch. He was automatic--there was no need to ever wind him up, no batteries--all one needed was to wear him. At that time I used to wear him on my left hand , as watches go--then I changed when I was in grade 12 or so.  No--come to think of it-- it was long before that because I played the piano accordion and he was in the way--and my teacher Marie--wore her watch on her right hand--so that was the reason really why he got transferred.

Since I got him he  has not left my hand for even one  night--we have never ever been separate., or spent a night away from each other.  Believe it or not I don`t ever take him of even at night--I swear! The only time he comes off is when I take a bath, then he rest in the bathroom next to the sink or on the night table. yes--he has seen me in  my birthday suit--and he couldn`t care less what I look like. His love is absolutely un-conditional. :-)He simply couldn`t care less whether my legs are shaven my hair is messed up or I have nada make up on--he loves me anyway. Now who on earth would do that? Isn`t that pure, utter love?

And he has never not stopped ticking, and ticking since whenever--not losing even a moment. Maybe he is so faithful because I am so faithful--who knows. We just love each other as real true lovers do. Perhaps that is the secret. Maybe it is this love what is fuelling this desire of his of "ticking". Whatever it is--it is certainly magick.

He`s travelled through many countries with me--all over Europe has seen many up-close-and-personal--Budapest, Vienna,  Paris, Zurich, Madrid, Rome and London. Hung out in Mexico amongst the ruins of Chitzen  Itza. In Buenos Aires Argentina--we shopped till we dropped. In Brazil we cooled ourselves on Ipanema Beach , --seen the center of the world  and a few lamas in Quito. We have seen Carnival, danced and drunk rum like there was no tomorrow in the  in Port of Spain till dawn. Swam and combed the beaches of the Island of Tobago with Melba.  Oliver as he glimpsed "Pigeon Point"  at age 14 exclaimed, "this must be paradise". Now what a wonderful memory is that?

We--even visited and had drinks with the president of Trinidad in his palace. In Bangkok we saw where Anna taught the king, we bought a tiger--and we prayed where the Emerald Buddha keeps court. We swam on Pattaya Beach and fished out on the islands--. In Hong Kong, we got deported for not having the right papers.

Spent weeks in NY City many summers --walked in  Central Park, on Lexington, 5th Avenue. Ah--seen "Oh, Calcutta" on Broadway even and a few more--checked out the desperation of the Bowery as well as Harlem. Played Atlantic City--and picked up shells on the Atlantic Beach.

 Lived in South Africa--seen Natal, Orange Free State and the Cape, Swaziland, Basutoland--in all its glory--the Indian meeting the Atlantic Ocean Witnessed "the most beautiful cape in the whole circumference of the earth" as Sir Francis Drake put it.  And saw the beauty of Namaqualand, and the glory of Howick Falls--we never made it to the Zambezi though and Victoria Falls. next time. :-)Watched many a dawn sitting on the sands of Durban  by "the Marine Parade" while dreaming of the future--Watched Harry at the Lido--he was gay. Who knew what that meant--only just being happy, we thought.. We were. Saw boyfriends come and go--loves lost, hearts broken.

Went on safaris in the Kruger Park many times--slept with the hyenas in Shingwedzi and Skukuza. Lost all our money in Sun City on the roulette wheel--but had great fun. Sunbathed on Durban Beach--won a final place in the beauty contest under "the little top"--later I came in 3rd-well nothing to sneeze at. We did look cute--well were cute!  We played awesome games of tennis--:-)

Won numerous medals for fencing, gold, silver and bronze--have a box filled in the cupboard here. Still have a huge silver trophy on the wall as well--a floating one that I failed to return when we left--bad girl! Though I did win it 3 years running, maybe I did deserve to keep it finally after winning it so many times. It has 3 plaques on it with my name--so there! --We had a good chance at the Olympics didn`t we?-- but we were boycotted. Ah yes--we played piano, the accordion had a shot at the guitar--all those drama, elocution, dancing and singing  lessons. What the hell for?

And Canada--experienced Montreal with its magnificence of St Joseph`s Oratory and the cross--where Leslie, my father and grandfather are buried on Mount Royal.  Love Toronto in its contemporary mode--and our most beautiful north--Algonquin Park and Georgian Bay with its spectacular wilderness.  Have see Niagara Falls and visited the wineries of Ontario wine country--and even Buffalo, which was not that great.
 
We have lived in many cities--Johannesburg, Montreal, Toronto for many years. You have had all kinds of straps --from leather--to plastic--to cotton-- and now metal finally. You loved every moment of your  life--so you have said --and you are extremely happy to be with me, as I am to be with you.

You`re loving, sweet, gentle and understanding--you are never angry argumentative or  jealous. You never fight, hold grudges , never complain or nag, Nor are you ever upset at me. You`re always on time, you`re never late, nor are you early--you love and adore me as I adore you. You`ve been to births, weddings, anniversaries, christenings, graduations as well as --sadly, funerals with me. You have seen all that there is to see in life--the good, the bad as well as the ugly.

Ah--we have seen great movies and extremely bad ones--Heard most  all of Shakespeare as well as seen most operas, plays as well as well as all of  Andrew Lloyd Webber  et al  of the modern stuff. So--we can say you are  a rather sophisticated watch when it comes to culture. Been to church regularly in Johannesburg at  Christ the King--heard the "hallelujah chorus" every Christmas and Easter at the Blessed Trinity  here in Toronto with Fr.Ambrose presiding. Have seen a few priests come and go, to heaven as well as to other parishes--even seen Pope John Paul ll up close and personal. As well as Sr.St Anne, Sr.Annunciation, Sr.Paschal  as well as Mother Columba at the convent--wow. Order of the "Holy Family"--Irish nuns they were.  Fr.Peron, Fr.Barry at St Francis of Assisi. We are here--where are they now?

All those people, dogs, birds coming in and out of our lives--only us two are left. All have "gone home". People  we loved and cherished, all that we held dear--all gone. Only you and me babe--only you and me. All else is gone with the wind. Strange--one can simply put all of one`s life into one entry on one page --in an hour or so. Yet--it has been a lifetime for both of us--How very odd.

I have not had you cleaned or anything done to you in fear that it may damage you--I hope I maybe able to leave you to Adriyanna--for I know she is the only one that will hold you dear. I hope you shall have a longer life that I, and a happy one--in fact I know you will. You are  looking a little older than you did many years ago--a little more tarnished--but you do keep time better than the young ones do. I am so happy, proud and blessed to have you. You has seen everything and then some. You has had an interesting , wonderful life--so you tells me. I know we did! Ah--we remember it all well.

Funny you my sweet thing  seem so alive because you are ticking and ticking--Now, ticking is the secret I suppose to life. May you tick for long! You remind me of so many sweet memories--.

Imagine --have you ever seen or heard anyone living this long as you ever -my little watch? How long is this in watch time, in watch years? :-) Sounds like eternity to me. Well longer than 1964--longer then you darling  O have been living. You weren`t even been born yet when we met--imagine. Where were you then?

You`re still --Going, going, going, going.......out of love for me. You are  one of the only constants in my life--and I can probably count all the constants on one hand.  I thank the Lord for little watches like you!--and Greeks who play "beans"...and meeting you my darling O.

What does it profit? #60

 Life! Well thinking about it amazes me, seeing it amazes me and being within it amazes me even more.

No, I didn`t finish the entries regarding my "fur loves"--especially my cicas`s. So that is where we stand tonight--but some other thoughts were aroused in my mind--namely a show I saw tonight on life. Delving into its secrets, its understanding and interpretation--in truth , we really know nothing.

But--having said that--and seeing the evidence to date I have come to the conclusion that :

WE KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

No matter how we try and fathom out God, we cannot. It is like having all the pieces of a huge mega puzzle  but not knowing what the picture is at all--neither having the ability to put it together, nor the knowledge of what it could actually be. We are mere ants in an ant hill, where  out there are rocket ships to all parts of the universe. So who are we?

Yes--I acknowledge that we get further and further to the source daily, however--never shall we get to the heart of the matter--for that is impenetrable. Like God is encased in a steel vault--that is forever out of reach. Many think differently, but the truth is --we, man-- dream, but it becomes a nightmare of non-understanding for God is beyond our comprehension. It is  only man`s thought of knowing God that is the "fall"--for we cannot nor ever shall we know God--for thinking that is that is the great "sin'"if there is such a thing. That is the actual  "apple".

So be you or I the greatest of thinkers, of philosophers, of scientists,  --we shall never know the truth nor the answer --for there is none to be had. The secret is that there is no secret--for it is incomprehensible, unfathomable and "all" yet it is "nothing". Everything yet nothing is life--that is the paradox, the answer to the  riddle. No use trying to understand--for there are no questions neither are there answers to be had. It is the "cloud of knowing" as that monk so many hundreds of years ago realized.  It is the "unknowing". Now--he was really up to date.

We the dreamer of dreams--cannot imagine the reality of the dream. Only can dream only the nightmare, for within us we have the inevitable , the indescribable and enigmatic --which is the human soul. Created, fashioned and directed by our creator --the "alpha and omega", the "All"--beyond that we shall never venture-or be able to venture. Thus--we cannot and shall not venture beyond that--neither hear, see or feel it, for we are far below that.

We may imagine however what is --that which mere illusion for the spirit-- we create a mirage, a drug  for  our restless soul to settle down, settle in  into its existence of this "non-understanding". Why?--I would tend to think it is because God is only dreaming--we are mere wisps of His illusion. Do we have actual substance--I don`t think so--perhaps if God will  be enamored with the dream that contains us--then maybe. Perhaps then we shall exist  within Him--be part of Him, incorporated within Him.  Maybe--but only then.

Sure, we have come  a long way from Hippocrates, Galen, Harvey, Crick and all the ones in between-yet we know as much as in the age of the dinosaurs. Nothing more--only we now  have TV, cell phones, computers and can talk on Skype-do all sorts of transplants, understand DNA-know the sequence of the human genome, yet we know nothing of spirit or of soul. Actually--at the time of Plato probably more was known of soul than now.  So have we progressed or regressed? Regressed in the  soul department  and progressed science department.

Now--what does this profit a man?

The truth of the matter is --you have it all wrong, you had it right the first time. You see once one starts to unravel it one gets entangled in the spider`s web. No--answer is not in the experience of life, but in the experience of God. once we get into the life thingy--we forget the God thingy. Now, that is the mortal sin-that is when we bite into that "apple".  There has to be a balance that is the key--we cannot keep the balance either way--it is this way or that. Same with you and I--we are cursed with imbalance. The saints are the one who have "balance". That is being holy. That is living a sanctified life. A blessed existence.  

Darling--we do not have that -we are far too self absorbed all the time--you as well as I as well as 6.999999999999999................billion of humanity. Minus the.000000000000000000001 whom are the so called saints, and I don`t mean in a Christian sense either. One being Jesus, Buddha, Mohamed and a few other unknown figures that were so close to God so as to be merged within him--totally one with Him. Here pronoun  "him" is just a term of grammar!

I am no theologian in any term, however I do know that no one knows anything except what is written in the soul of each of God`s creation.  No one is more blessed--we all are. The secret however we are not ever to understand, or to be revealed. Why would we? How could an ant understand a mission to an other galaxy? We are mere ants--in fact less than an ant--a mere thought of God dreaming.

We are stuff that dreams are made of--Shakespeare was more of a prophet and a seer than Nostradamus . Yes--dreams of God.