Life commitments

As I have said so often-that I have committed to a number of things as a daily mission now that I am more master of my own time. Things that I try to make a habit of my daily life, which is not easy as we are so embedded in things from the past-things we have to unlearn that we have been doing since “forever” and try and embark on a new path, as we often have outgrown old ideas-well, maybe not old, but more crystalized ideas, now it is time to change the “crystal lattice” into other forms. Not an easy task, as one often slips back into old habits-like Sisyphus . 

But I have come a long way in so may areas that at times I amaze myself, and other times I get frustrated and at times practice some self-flagellation, but these times have become less and less with time. But, “one step at a time” has become my favorite phrase as it works like magic. Looking at the immediate picture, as the larger picture unfolds-which really is being more present, being more mindful and being more receptive, being more observant. This causes me tremendous joy and happiness-and I just love this stage of my life that is filled with light and grace.

I find that developing rituals work great for me, though I slip at times, overall I keep to it in a journal-it is a visual for me to see how I am doing. I have done this for years, generally as a “new year`s resolution” which often in the past terminated on the 10<sup>th</sup> of January-but the past two years or so, I have been very focused and kept to it mostly. I don`t beat myself up for messing up any more-I take everything one day at a time. Daily affirmations, meditation, contemplation, prayers, mantras, gratefulness, observation, reading a few Rumi quotes  and mindfulness daily really help- plus a lot of actual physical practices really completes the circle for me. 

I have let go of all emotional baggage-I didn`t have much, but even that little I had I have allowed to drift away-and I have no regrets about my life whatsoever. I am doing a lot of research regarding all areas of life-especially life extension that I still share with many of my special patients, friends and family members. Much is out there in science and new technology based-that we can do to remain healthy and defy our chronological age even by changing a few things in our lives. But-one needs to do it-it is a kind of an offering, for no one else will do it for us-and nothing in life that is worth anything comes easy. Living with illness, being dependent, wheelchair bound, mental problems, brain degeneration and depressed is not a plan of mine for the future. It is the quality of life that is important, then one should aspire to at least becoming a centenarian with a purpose, mental clearity, and a well functioning mind-otherwise, it is just a life of suffering.

For years focus was on my family, my patients and the day to day stresses and struggles with life. Life of a “living robot”-would be a great term for it. Now-it is now all about me in every way, and self improvement. Repayment for what I have done? Perhaps, I have always been honest, open, genuine, compassionate, non-judgemental and true always to my words, neither have I broken my promises .  I cling dearly to memories of the past, but do not inhabit those places-just visit at times. I do keep records, messages and mementos, notes of things that are near and dear to me. I press flowers, leaves,-collect  shells, rocks, pebbles, driftwood-they are all special reminders for me of special , or memorable moments that has touched me deeply-be it small or big. I try to write a few words on stones and pebbles often-I have done this for years. Just little things-so I remember for I do believe those are the things that we actually will take with us into our next existence.

I guess I learnt many of all my values from my beloved grandfather, who was a great example of numerous noble virtues regarding life in every way. He had such respect for every aspects of life. I have tried to follow his path mostly in my own life. I have helped thousands of people throughout the years and did everything for my family with love-and with love in mind. I guess it all comes back what one sends out-and I am so blessed and grateful for God allowing me this.

I have a deep connection and reverence regarding-all life. Trees, plants and all types of vegetation and all the various little critters hanging around inside and out. I never throw out if there is still a tiny spark of life in any of our plants, as many are in pots on our three large decks. Their lives matter and are of value -they are sacred and are all a gift. My apartment downstairs is huge, and if filled with some wonderful plants, more so starting in the fall as many come in from the garden,-I give them the choice to live or die-some do as they don`t like living inside though there is a lot of light and a huge glass sliding door with sunlight even streaming in many hours in the afternoon ; even more so in winter than summer. But life is their choice, my mission is to give them a chance to choose. Even they have been given free will-it is up to us to help them exercise that. I am sure that if we do the best we can that is all that God wants-and He will be pleased with that-as Thomas Merton has so eloquently said.

Why did I write all this? Well-to myself really just as a reminder not to slip too much and to remember my mission, commitment and keep me on track. Also, one day when my child and grandchildren will read this with different eyes. They do now, but as time goes by words seem to take on a different meaning and often mean different things as one`s vision regarding life changes.