Years ago I was give a book titled “Passages”-I can`t remember the author, neither the content of the book except for one thing-that we pass through different phases of our lives through the passing of the years and each phase changes us. Also with each phase come different questions. Now, I have experienced this-up close and personal, as so many others. It has nothing to do with age, but priorities and outlooks on different levels of our psyche. Maybe it is spiritual growth, a soul awareness, or manifestation of higher consciousness, but it is very powerful as it forces us to stare deep into the eyes of that hourglass that is life, as the minutes tick down one grain of sand at a time-as we face the realization of our mortality.
I have entered a strange passage of my life, termed “time of deep wondering”-perhaps a better term would be -”reflection”. This is a very frightening period, especially when people I have known vanished from my life overnight. Friends, acquaintances I have interacted with-gone forever. Family members I have loved suddenly are no longer in this physical realm. Partners I have woken up in the same bed with many a morning, no longer exist. Lovers who loved me, made passionate love to me, who were part of my very being-are no longer breathing. They have disappeared into this deep void of the unknown.
Where are they? What has become of them? No one has come back from the dead except Christ-even that is in doubt if we truly are honest, no matter how deep our faith is, there is always a tiny seed of doubt. Now-why is that? Every religion talks of an afterlife-is it out of fear, trying to quell the spirit? Is there a spirit? Is there a soul for that matter? Many have promised to return-they have not. Many have sworn to give a sign-they have not. So why not?
Maybe there is nothing. Maybe we are not allowed. Maybe its of no value. Maybe one enters a different dimension of no return. Maybe they cannot communicate with this plane. Maybe they just don`t want to. Maybe one just gets total amnesia. Maybe life is just one strange coincidence-of nothing. The answer lies in Scarlett`s last words in Gone with the Wind-’I shall think about it tomorrow’-for tonight I have no answer to this question of the ages.
I read a post on FB the other day-it said: "Dust if you must but wouldn`t be better to do what you really love ? For there is not much time left. Ponder the difference between want and need. If you do decide to dust remember, that dust you were and in the end you, yourself will make more dust."
So-for this reason a while back I made a number of decisions and changes regarding my life. I have come to this realization some time ago that time flies, does not walk-that is why I don`t kill myself with work anymore. I only do things I love to do, things that enhance my life and helps my soul unfold. I completely stopped working this year-so now I walk a lot in the forest, read a lot-also I have a lot of various interest and questions about many things, so I research much on the internet. In this day and age the world is at our fingertips-before you had to go to the library and search stuff for days and weeks before you found what you were looking for, now we just have to press a button and all is there. Answers to any question are now possible.
I write a lot for my own pleasure, watch movies that inspire or move me or lifts my spirit. I enjoy listening to great music, pray, meditate -and try and see absorb and appreciate all around me. I try to live in the now and commune much with nature as much as possible. I sleep little or much, as I don`t have to get up on time. Potter a lot with our plants and flowers-even that I make as easy as possible ; most are in pots, sit by the river for hours, sit on the deck watch the awesome sunsets and sunrises, just observe nature in its tranquility and beauty, We live in a spectacular, beautiful enchanting place-it is a conservation area, I enjoy every moment of my life filled with gratitude, joy and happiness. Go into the city center if only I have to. My family lives within 2 miles-I see them often, and it is a wonderful feeling that everybody is around the corner. I are so very blessed I cannot stop thanking God enough daily!
Even if we eventually become dust, I can say I have enjoyed being alive and would not change anything about it.
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