Forms of love

Relationships are very complicated, no matter how deep the love is. We are individual as snow flakes-and often not one angle seems to fit, or complement the awesome ice crystal. Hardly any relationship starts of on a bad footing-some do have doubts, reservations, but still for various reasons people will go ahead with deep commitments or personal vows to each other. It is never the paper nor the ring that seals the union, but it is an energy from the heart-if it is real love.

Now-with time much can change, take a different trajectory and people become disillusioned and disenchanted, fall out of love, though I think than that was not love but infatuation –for we all have this magical, story book version of the union of two souls. One has to acknowledge that the intensity of love expressed by each person is different, our emotional needs are different. Some people-be that a blessing or a curse, are more romantic than others. Some are more cerebral, some more philosophical, some more spiritual and some need much more tenderness than an other. However every relationship, that touches the soul enriches us, be it a long relationship or a very short one-all are extremely special and most of us remember it forever when it come from the heart. Well, then it is forever if there is a forever, which I do hope so. Length does not matter, quality does, and the spiritual gifts it brings with it.

I can with an open heart say-all my love connections, each and everyone was more than special-they have given me, taught me and made me see things I would have never have experienced, learnt. Were it not for their goodness, intellect and love-I would not be today who I am for I am a better person because of them-in my personal life and professional life. Every single soul taught me something I desperately needed to learn-and I do believe that I was a good student; all was taken to heart. I am so grateful to all those shining souls that have brought more light into my life. I can truly say to date, I have never regretted any of their lives touching mine, and I am so blessed to have been so deeply loved-and still friends with most of them. True-there only have been just over a handful-I do not know to be proud or  ashamed of such a low number :-) but they were all  long relationships-lasting years-with most, we just seemed to have had our mutual mission accomplished and our ways parted, rather amicably.

Truly they all had their “parts to teach”-some was spiritual, some was passionate, some was intellectual, some was cerebral, some rather bohemian, some extremely philosophical. Some were strictly platonic and some deeply sexual.  I have deep reverence for them all,  I hold them all in a very sacred place in my heart. And the strange thing is that each one always has turned up at exactly at the right time in my life-I have never looked for love, it seemed always to have found me. By pure accident, by pure coincidence, by pure serendipity-though the problem with all of these observations are non existent-for there are non of these list of things I do believe-it is all by design and arrangement.

However, I have leart a long time ago-never to cling to relationships that have had their time in the sun-then one can bless it and let it go. I am very blessed now-for I am loved deeply-was not planned, was not arranged and was not desired-I was rather happy to go on living on the memories of the past-of which does amount to 8 years-someone whom I loved dearly, intensely, deeply, with conviction and deep commitment and above all passionately like I never had. People change, circumstances change and feelings change. Thus  “time had come to say goodbye”. Did I feel bad in the beginnings,then -no, do I revisit moments-yes, do I dwell on it –no, do I feel for him -yes;  do I love him -yes "for always" in some way-for I understand the ways of God and put all into His Hand, and the Blessed Hand of Our blessed Mother-She always embrace me with peace.  And now I am deeply loved by a beautiful, special soul-and I too deeply love him-which I never thought I ever could. What the Lord has in store for us is a mystery, but for now we are grateful and bless each day that we can be together-and life goes on as God wills it.

Now I am sure many are wondering why this confession bubbled to the surface-well sadly my sister who has been married for over 16 years have decided to divorce once and for all. Her marriage has been a living hell for years  in so many respects -it was a marriage with much difficulty and little love, understanding and compassion. I feel for her for I love her, she deserves so much better and to be a fulfilled, to be a peaceful, complete human being-the whole family does wishes and hopes that for her. She is worthy of so much more- a wonderful soul-but we all have faults, she does also, but with love all can be abridged. But we create our own lives, futures and happiness. 

We are not compelled to carry on with unhappiness, grieve, sadness, depression, stress just for the sake of that “wedding wow” I am sure God does not want that-He understands. We are all entitled to be joyful, happy and live our life to the fullest-for even then pain and sadness comes along like a thief in the night at some point.