Today

Not the best of days today-maybe all the turkey and the wine last night is the reason that it is not the best of time to dissect this idea of life. My frame of mind is a bit twisted today, maybe I am tired- but nothing much makes sense- I even cancelled my day with  “G”, we were supposed to go out to an Italian party. He certainly deserves better than me. As he is so sweet and understanding. Though I know he will turn up later this evening  to cheer me up with a great bottle of his wine, a beautiful smile  and his guitar. That always makes me feel better-he is very good at that.

There was a time in not the distant past that I was so very much into the more spiritual aspects of life, of the soul-I still am but I have narrowed it down to but a mere few  beliefs that resonate with me and my soul. I cannot even have a number as to how many avenues I have explored through the years  and I am truly non the wiser in the least bit-I know nothing. Now-I am back to basics, almost as when I was a child-for no matter how much time I spent in studying the deeper, more complex philosophical, theological ideas I am non the closer to the truth.

I have listened each and everyone of Dawkins`s  lectures, that makes no sense to me; I have read and listened to spiritual writings of numerous saints; that is not either, also many of the  new  age gurus-non make sense-only a lot of talk. Maybe there is an answers , but perhaps there isn`t-I doubt that in this human life we shall not find out-some who say have found the answer are lying-or deluding themselves, they self hypnotize themselves into believing. Like divination, talking to the dead, conjuring up spirits and performing real magick. It is all games  played by the mind.

No one has ever come back from the dead- apart from stories of old which are impossible to prove, and are strictly based on faith or hypnosis. Neither has re-incarnation been proven-even when during regressions,   séances people ask questions- there are no addresses, surnames or any other concrete proof of previous lives-all just very vague answers that could mean anything. Why not? Because either they don`t exist, or they are in a totally different dimension , or time loop.

So-where does this leave us. In truth-between a rock and a hard place, with no answer what so ever. We live our puny little lives from day to day –as the  hourglass counts down our lives one sand grain at a time. We want to find an answer desperately for the reason of being, but no one through the ages has-maybe there isn`t one and the atheists are right; just a coincidence of all suddenly coming together and –Darwin was right.  We come, we go without a trace.

Well tomorrow will be an other day I am sure -or maybe tonight will change my frame of mind as soon as I hear our song , all will be better once more:"Unchained Melody" lifts my soul.