Sometimes

Some days the heart is so full that it is impossible to get anything out. It feels like there is so much wanting to escape that it actually blocks the flow….like a river that is blocked by the oncoming logs. The river cannot  flow freely, and the logs  simply pile up one by one. That is my heart today.  I don`t think of myself as a writer, I would describe myself more of a self talker, for when I write I am having a heart to heart with my higher self…thus flow the ideas, thoughts and if I am lucky answers to questions that I may have. Nobody is reading my writing, as nobody is reading yours, but the universe has a very large ear, and as we all know all is connected—so I am sure maybe someone in Siberia, or Tokyo is picking up my thoughts  as well as yours and is putting pen to paper—we are  the producers and they are the actors, that is how I translate all this in my imagination. Maybe wishful thinking, but good for my spirit.

 Do you ever go back and read stuff you have written months or years ago? I do…the odd time. If this is not the case, why do we write anyway? Maybe we should just call it “conversation with God” and just leave it at that never to revisit as we do with regular conversations. I don`t know—I just feel at an utter loss and a need for something, but know not what. No—not you. You`re not it at all—thought I am sure you wish you were, it feels good to have one`s ego massaged. However—somehow I have passed that point, for –for some unearthly reason I simply feel you are all around me, constantly. Weird. No?

Sometimes I am angry at myself for not being upset, for not feeling your loss, for not being bothered by the fact that I haven`t heard from you in ages—yet still I feel fine. Neither is it that I have stopped loving you—of course I haven`t. Probably even more than ever—but then why don`t I need your physical presence? I don`t understand all this at all. I feel serene, at peace and in a wonderful place within spirit, filled with grace—and this at times makes me feel guilty. It shoudn`t I know—for we are spiritual beings having a human experience—this life is but a moment of illusion.

I wonder if you understand what I am actually trying to say—you probably do. However how we got to this point in time is beyond me—it is the greatest of mysteries to me. Maybe through all these past years we have said all we had to say each other—we surely ran out of cards—maybe all the other physical stuff also, only the soul stuff is left—which needs no words. Maybe we have progressed beyond that—or it is my wild imagination, my wild romantic heart that sings to me with voices of unseen angels to my spirit. Whatever it is—it is where I have found peace and love for God, for you and for myself.

This experience with you is certainly a huge step up in our spiritual expansion and growth, if such a thing actually exists—it has taught us much. I think I speak for you as well, as I think I know your hear rather well—you may disagree with this, but I know I am right.

Where to now?  Nowhere , we are where we have to be—so be happy my heart, this is but a moment in eternity. Just think how much fun and great times await us next time around, I know for sure. Did we end this on a bad note—not at all, just a brief hiatus. Why?—Well the future will shine a light on it and we shall surely know—God works in mysterious ways, and those ways are always correct, more so than what our little brains can conjure up. 

So, right this minute I shall burn all them logs!