Rumi`s time, I adore this time, quiet, just the wind in the trees, the breeze blowing in through the wind caressing my face as I write here in the dark-- it is these times I feel God`s presence and your presence. I wish I could be awake in it more often, I don`t want this night to end. God, I wish I was more proficient in the English language as to express myself. But this will have to do--it is what is in the heart that counts.
For the past 10 days I have been feeling great by making some changes, more so committing to certain things, more so to myself. I suppose there is much to the saying "One has to love ones self before anyone else can love one" .I think at this point in my life I have come to the conclusion that , I have to do things now-if I want to make a few waves in life. So it is certainly going well, but then "change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change" is a good rule to live by.
I love this time-it is the quietest and I feel much more tuned into God, tuned into myself-if there is such a thing. All changes-but just the other day I thought, one thing that doesn't really change is the "change of seasons"-we have all four regularly with some slight change, but still-they are present. And of course -family, but above all God.
The other day I asked you -if you think there is a heaven. Well-once you said--what sweet , moving words-"If I could find you in heaven, how could I not find you in Canada? " I think that was the very moment I fell in love with you, with your heart, with your soul. So it must have occurred to you or occurs to you often. But now, I am still waiting for an answer.
God is very present everywhere, though I haven`t actually caught Him in action--but, if we believe that we are within God, and God is not within us, then no wonder--for than we are God`s very essence. We are the stuff God is made of, and yet at times I doubt. I don`t doubt God at all-ever, but more so the after life-or heaven. Strange, because the two should go together, but they don`t for me.
I read the other day that heaven starts here-we are present in it, as we have a glimpse of it by looking at a field of wilds flower, bees making love in the sunlight, observing a beautiful sunset --all the magic of creation is the beginning perhaps -as we become aware, totally alive to it, see for the first time the wonders.
I remember a most wondrous sight-- we were driving back from Chitzen Itza to Cancun it was about 10pm-we stopped and got out of the car. It was pitch black, the night was filled with the singing of crickets. I looked up at the sky it was filled with millions of sparkling stars--I had never seen so many, it was just a magical sight that I have never had since. Now that was a glimpse of heaven.
I remember an other time most vividly-we were on a small boat off the coast of Trinidad, down by the islands--off Mayaro. We could see the coastline of the island and all the thousands of palm trees lining the beach, the sun was shinning, the sea was a brilliant turquoise blue, the air warm , salt with a gentle breeze--Oliver and Laura were with me on that trip--As we were gazing at the island-Oliver who was 14 at the time suddenly in a soft voice said "this must me paradise". Now how wonderful was that? Yes--we had a glimpse of paradise. Yes moments-but is there an actual physical heaven? Or this is it--create heaven for ourselves with recognition of such moments. I truly don`t know. I wish I would have the faith to believe with all of my heart.
But then there are other manifestations of heaven-like the words of some of your card, they are all beautiful but some do have more of an impact. There are many, but this one is the top which for me is the most moving when you said on my birthday "to love an angel" that is heaven. Now after that. how could I not love you? Even though at times I maybe upset all I have to do is think of these word of yours and all dissipates. Now--I truly don`t love you simple because of all the magical words you say to me, but it does provide for the thread that binds us more together--I simply love you for your heart and just for you. I din`t need to be with you I for some unearthly reason it is like this--it is God`s way.
I suppose the thought that " we shall be together in heaven" sounds quite applicable to us, otherwise it makes no sense at all, and God knows what He is doing. All is God`s will and we are following it. As for heaven now--is thinking of you and knowing you are thinking of me, I know you are dreaming of us. That gives me such sense of peace, tranquillity--and feeling of such extreme love,--I am experiencing the presence of God in my life through you. I suppose that is what love is.
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