You know I was deeply touched and moved by you sending me some of your diary entries--I wondered whether you just wanted me to read it, or actually respond. As diaries are not meant to be responded to, only read. Maybe --once in public domain, it is a different story, but while in hidden, abiding in secret places--it is almost sacred. However--you were going to put it into a letter--so I feel a bit better--as I in my heart considered it as thus.
I am no great writer of words, but I do like to put my thoughts to paper, these days onto web pages. When I was 14-- I got a 5 year diary --red leather bound, with a lock and key. I wrote in it daily., faithfully--well as much as a 14 year old can, even an 18. It was filled the year I met Leslie--and then--idiot I, I burnt it. Why--because I was stupid and childish. It actually contained no great secrets, no great revelation only thoughts, and dreams of a teenager, who was a virgin still at 19. Strange thoughts, strange memories, strange recollections as it all comes back. Thus are diaries and the secrets they hold.
You are extremely prolific when it comes to writing--but you are a writer. Spinner of words, of ideas, of thoughts and at times profound magic. I merely record my thoughts--though I at times hardly know why. I doubt it is of interest to anyone except my own self. Even great works have gone unread, never mind personal observations and feelings of one of 7 billion. But--I suppose we are all important to ourselves--or so we think.
So, the reason why I am numbering my great works of literature, is because there is an other secret section to all of them--one that is inaccessible and and deeply personal. When I die--I shall leave the password and name to you,-- and their actual interpretations for you to decipher. Like the hieroglyphs of Egypt, the Cuneiform of the Babylonians or the "ek iras " of the Magyars the --much is still not translated.
We all live some secret life of some form--maybe just the romantics do, the worldly coudn`t care less. I often wonder who is more lucky-- the ones who are the ponderers, the wonderers and the thinkers or the one`s who merely exist from day to day without wondering about anything except money and stuff to accumulate. Yes--sad but true "there is no luggage rack on a hearse"--let`s not forget that needle and the camel. Not that there is anything wrong with money, but it is how one uses it. Often it is like the Pied Piper--we follow mesmerised, but as is said--that piper will need to be paid at some point.
Then one gets to ask--what is actually important? For me --as far back as I can remember, my ideals, dreams were in a similar vein as it is now. God was always present, love was always on my mind, not in a sexual sense or even a physical sense--but in a spiritual sense. My values were always honourable and utterly honest. I was always true to myself and the one`s I cared for as that was always on top of my list. I always tried to do all I could to help--make this place a bit better than when I had found it, or it found me. Have I made a difference?--I am sure I have. Any moment we spend in that positive state will make a difference. Gyuri says --that the actual energy aura of saints spread out for over 50 km radius interacting with "all"--The mere human still has a 5 km radius --be that positive or negative energy that it shed onto others and the world. So every moment we make a difference with our thoughts and intentions.
One day--St Francis asked a young monk to take a walk with him into town--he explained that they should go and speak with people. They went--walked around town, all the while St. Francis was silent. When they got back to the monastery the young monk asked--why they didn`t speak to the people. St. Francis answered: "but we actually did".
Yes--all the secrets we carry--small and big, though their size simply are our evaluations of them. We think that the sun revolves round us, and we are dismayed when we find out that it dosn`t. Self importance to the ego is an ever important factor--as then one feels the justification of one`s existence. Yes--we are all important--. There was a song when I was young--there was a refrain or a verse: " Fido is big, Tabby is small--yet they all want to live, live and let live". Kinda says it all.
Every life is a soap opera--every life could be a best selling novel and every life has its own special quirks and quarks, its special story to tell. Their light and dark spots, secrets and skeletons in the cupboard. That is why I said it is far easier to live in a monastery--being sheltered from the world than in the real world. For many--it was an escape. It was to hide behind God--in the name of religion and consecration to God. No--it was hiding from facing the truth--out of fear .
You said it right--to be engaged more and more in the world, with the world that is the real is the validation of life of God--not the escape into cloisters and catacombs. God is "All", thus is within and without "All"--we are in God--so to experience Him/Her/It/Them, we need more immersion in this creation. That what holiness is. That what communion is with God "IS", that what the river and cornfields of Kentucky are--for you. It "ALL" just "IS". That is the bliss, the ecstasy and the most profound realization of our humanity, the beauty, the mystery of existence --no need to chase it, for it just "IS". Being present ,"IS". Being completely aware,"IS". This is the grand secret, that is no secret at all.
Then one gets to ask--what is actually important? For me --as far back as I can remember, my ideals, dreams were in a similar vein as it is now. God was always present, love was always on my mind, not in a sexual sense or even a physical sense--but in a spiritual sense. My values were always honourable and utterly honest. I was always true to myself and the one`s I cared for as that was always on top of my list. I always tried to do all I could to help--make this place a bit better than when I had found it, or it found me. Have I made a difference?--I am sure I have. Any moment we spend in that positive state will make a difference. Gyuri says --that the actual energy aura of saints spread out for over 50 km radius interacting with "all"--The mere human still has a 5 km radius --be that positive or negative energy that it shed onto others and the world. So every moment we make a difference with our thoughts and intentions.
One day--St Francis asked a young monk to take a walk with him into town--he explained that they should go and speak with people. They went--walked around town, all the while St. Francis was silent. When they got back to the monastery the young monk asked--why they didn`t speak to the people. St. Francis answered: "but we actually did".
Yes--all the secrets we carry--small and big, though their size simply are our evaluations of them. We think that the sun revolves round us, and we are dismayed when we find out that it dosn`t. Self importance to the ego is an ever important factor--as then one feels the justification of one`s existence. Yes--we are all important--. There was a song when I was young--there was a refrain or a verse: " Fido is big, Tabby is small--yet they all want to live, live and let live". Kinda says it all.
Every life is a soap opera--every life could be a best selling novel and every life has its own special quirks and quarks, its special story to tell. Their light and dark spots, secrets and skeletons in the cupboard. That is why I said it is far easier to live in a monastery--being sheltered from the world than in the real world. For many--it was an escape. It was to hide behind God--in the name of religion and consecration to God. No--it was hiding from facing the truth--out of fear .
You said it right--to be engaged more and more in the world, with the world that is the real is the validation of life of God--not the escape into cloisters and catacombs. God is "All", thus is within and without "All"--we are in God--so to experience Him/Her/It/Them, we need more immersion in this creation. That what holiness is. That what communion is with God "IS", that what the river and cornfields of Kentucky are--for you. It "ALL" just "IS". That is the bliss, the ecstasy and the most profound realization of our humanity, the beauty, the mystery of existence --no need to chase it, for it just "IS". Being present ,"IS". Being completely aware,"IS". This is the grand secret, that is no secret at all.
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