Beauty and love #7

Here is a rather interesting question that I propose. Lets say, there were no mirrors in the world, one could not see oneself, neither did one know or have comprehension of age or the movement of time. Would one feel age? Especially if one was healthy, but had no idea of how one looks . Generally we often look at our face in the mirror and that is how we generally make the assumption if we look good or bad or aging.

Today everything is based on physical looks, beauty as ages pass are often changing--all one needs to look at is what was beautiful to Botticelli or to Michelangelo or  to Bouguereau. Now, of course much of perfection was within the ideal of the Greeks and Romans that brought it to us in the first place to some degree , all we need to do is look at their art. but, I am not really talking of beauty here, but the idea of how we feel, and how we would feel if there were no mirrors. Now this concept goes for both female and male genders, it chooses not. Men are just as vulnerable to this notion, studies show often more than women today.

Would the idea of yourself change with time, were we not aware of time, or of growing old. Would we  have the concept of growing old had we no clues given? How about if we were all blind? Would it change our concept of each other, and more so would it change the concept of our ourselves?  Would we feel the same, providing we had no physical problems? Many elderly people  are healthier that ones who are years younger--what is age then? Or the feeling of age. Is it the belief that we feel about the passing of the years, or looking into the mirror--were all those things not present would we age slower, feel better.

Ask any octogenarian--they feel inside exactly as they did years ago when they were young--what gives them the sense of age is the visage staring themselves back from the mirror. It that what ages us--our actual own belief? Or the world telling us exactly how we should look?

If age is getting old--then why do we still feel the same, well most of us, to the very end. Of course there are always exception--there are 28 year olds that are like 82 and 82 year old that are like 28. Believe me this is a fact--I have come across a few. Is it then all in the mind, and the one`s that the world cannot entangle, or trap into the web are the one`s who feel better and do not feel their age?

Is this not perhaps proof that the soul is present, that there is actually something there that is ageless, timeless.  And that we should actually concentrate on not allowing the outside world into our inner world to corrupt our own sense of being, our own vision of ourselves and our own value of our self.

That perhaps if we could overcome the actual message of our mirrors, we would perhaps feel better, age slower and be more happy. Maybe if we do not believe what is present in the looking glass for it may simply be a trick of the visible universe that keeps hounding us doggedly expressing its own version and vision  of beauty, which in the eyes of the world is, youth and  thinness for women and muscularity  and the washboard abs for men for men.

True--we need the physical attraction  for reproduction to propagate the species, but is that real love or merely the laws of nature so that we don`t die out.  but being attracted physically is far from love, it has more to do with lust, which I suppose is needed biologically to reproduce. But the two are seldom present together--Very rarely.  That is why in my mind relationships fail, marriages disintegrate and love is non existent, for most of these relationships are propelled by a biologic urge  on passing on our genes to the next generation, nothing to do with love.

Yet youth has no experience, little world vision and little experience nor wisdom. That comes with age--yet age is put down and is shunned, apart from a few eastern culture--major ones being China,
Japan and India where old age, white hair is honored, revered and respected. It is sign of wisdom, experience and knowledge.  Hardly in the west. The elderly are put away and sent out on an ice float and sent off  into the ocean, as with the Inuit. Sad.

Why do they say--beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Does the beloved present a different appearance to its lover than to the rest of the world? Why? If this is so--then what is reality anyway? What is the real picture? Above all what really matters?

If we lived in a world without light, without eyes, without mirrors to reflect our appearance--would we always feel the same as we did-- through the years?

When my grandmother was 87, she always said she always thought and felt the same as she always did--ever since she could remember. And she was terrible happy to the end.  It is only the world that tells us  that we are old, and we believe it, and thus we are. It is not sickness either, because there are millions of sick young people as well as old--so then, I have to agree with the saying "one is as old as one feels"--which in the light of all this is rather a true statement.  It is the world that tells us whom and what we are --and we believe it. Why?

The bottom line is--it is all in the mind, and we should not listen to the world if we want to be happy. We do not have to satisfy the world, for it dosn`t care about us one bit, just makes our lives miserable--so all we have to do is live according to that which makes us happy. We only have to satisfy our heart--and our life, for we only have one. The concept of beauty has changed throughout the ages, and it will keep changing, so why cause grief to oneself for the satisfaction of the world, that couldn`t care in the least anyway?

Many fairy tales are metaphors of life, and many have stories where there are unusual stories of very deep love. Now when the princess kissed the frog and fell in love, and beauty fell in love with the beast, did they actually chang into tha beautiful princee, or did they simply transform through the power of love  in the eyes, in the  hearts  of the lover regarding their beloved? Something to ponder. Love changes everything--

"Love, love changes everything,
hands and faces, earth and sky
Love, love changes everything,
How you live and how you die
Love, can make the summer fly,
Or a night seem like a lifetime
Yes love, love changes everything,
Now I tremble at your name
Nothing in the world will ever be the same"

Yes--love changes everything for sure!

So forget the mirrors, forget the magazines and forget all the people who live off  the profit by making the majority of the world miserable as they are the "deciders", the authority of what is beautiful and what is not in the world.  Beauty, age  is an abstraction-- real beauty lies in the heart. As my cousin so profoundly has said about his wife, "I fell in love with her soul"

What does one fall in love with--youth, beauty, age or soul ? I wonder. I know my choice. But Cicukam I am the eternal romantic, aren`t I? For me all is based on love--I woudn`t have it any other way, never have.

Matters of confusion #6

 


For some reason I seem to be more and more fractured--what I mean is broken into different parts. I don`t mean this in the romantic sense at all but actual physicality as things are transpiring.

 What do I mean really? Let me explain,--well now I have this space "D-Dragonsoul" to write which is-- the physical present, I have the "Q-Quetzal"-space which is simply your past cards, the "Z", which are  my past cards,  then I have the " F-Fektiovercome "space, which is the 5th dimensional  "divine" the "O"which are conversations of our over souls the 4th dimensional futures, then there is "B", the latest, which are the special  messages from Our Blessed Mother the latest from the spiritual realm as for dimension She hasn`t said but I haven`t asked either. Though She has been speaking for years, I haven`t kept a record--only one or two. I guess, that is how it had to be. I always leave it in Her Holy Hands. "O" and "B" and "Z", its names still unrevealed to you. No, it is not O, for Oliver at all..at all, neither is Z for Zsuzsa . Though O does have to do with Light. One day soon, real soon all shall come into being.

Now if we carry on in this fashion,  I shall have an entire musical scale as in numbers not in notes as there are no O neither Q nor Z in this dimension anyway maybe in an other. Strangely enough I am not in the least confused and actually know when to write where. Now  is that weird or what? I suppose when there are directions from elsewhere it is not that difficult to manage. At least the nights are long or |I simply would run out of time as strange as it may seem but I have to work.

Now- for the sake of sanity clarity and order  --we have:  B, D, F, O, Q, Z--one more and we have almost a whole scale well in number that is. Rather comical if it wasn`t ever so serious. Neither am I confused one bit. It`s like reading different books within the same present but at different times.

The message and the intent are different within in each--it is like when one studies different subjects but they all add up as to general intelligence and knowledge of one. Strangely before I almost never read them now I am starting to re-visit them. Some seem like a foreign language. Some  rather new hardly unimaginable that I had written them. Well in truth I haven`t --Strange feeling.

Yes--there is one more in my mind that needs a voice--that will be "?". It will be a fascinating one it is just germinating--this one shall very interesting I am told. As with everything it has to come into its own time. It is being formulated but it is on its way.

Csodaszarvas #5

 Never say never, neither should one make promises one cannot keep. Well, I am referring strictly to myself in this instance. I said I would not write here any more, and here I am back like a bad penny.

 Was last night a coincidence or synchronicity? Divine intervention? My vivid imagination? Was the message regarding the"csodaszarvas" in fact to be taken seriously, literally or figuratively--is it to be considered real?  Is it the wake up call to remember. Or am I going entirely mad. 

Does the term the  "seed of Nimrod" have been activated--make sense? The message haunts me deeply.  I have to read it a few more times to sink in, for it is the most profound message I have ever received, though they seem to be getting more to the point lately.  What actually amazes me is the relevance of your connection to it all. I should have known because of our connection, but I had no idea in any other way.  Much to ponder and wonder. Ask if you really want to know.

For what? #4

There is so much I want to say, yet for some inexplicable reason I can`t get the words out. Xerxes tells me to go for it, but my sweet guide is forever on a path to shake me into the so called "reality". Now, that is one thing that is a misnomer, for reality is illusion and illusion is reality. One may seek the answers as to how to open up this box of mystery, if it is that. Write, write, write he eggs me on--into probably a place where I never have been, and never dare to venture. There are all kinds of frightening probabilities there for me--for us, so dare I?

I, as you are a living  breathing bloody contradiction in every conceivable way. We are the conjurers of the mystical, of the magical, of the illusion that we drape ourselves into every single day. You said,

"if nothing has changed what is it for? If all is the same". Well you maybe right there to some degree, for we seem to create this world around us and we chain ourselves to it. No escape, no reprieve , no freedom. We are stuck and the exit is blocked by our materiality, and of course the mirage of love. 

Yes that word--seems to be the end all and be all of creation. But as I see it, it is the song of the Spheres that lures the sailors to their untimely death. Or those enchanting mermaids, the very lure of love, of happiness that can  never be captured, for it is nonexistent. And when we step through the door we realize it is nothing special, there seems to be nothing there, we only realize its value once we no longer posses it. So does it actually exist? How strange is that I ask you? 

Yes--been there done that, all has been said--now what? Well  what`s next? The greener grass, the new hunt, the mysterious adventure that awaits until the mystery is discoveredd, well realized that there is no mystery at all in-fact, just the ordinary, mundane and the boring,-- all a total lie to deceive us. Each human being is walking in the same shoe exactly, no difference at all. That is why the rich are unhappy, the poor are unhappy, the young are unhappy, the old are unhappy--and all are waiting and expecting a miracle of the divine-- with the words, "I am the exception to the rule" Yeah--dream on, you the dreamers of the impossible dreams, fight those windmills to your hearts delight for nothing makes a difference anyway. At least you can say that you have fought those phantoms. Everything is a huge delusion.

That is why the only happy people were the ones that strictly lived in their mind--like Hafiz and Rumi. They have always had their excuses--that being that it is all for "God". Yet, where is God apart from in the heart and mind. We believe totally, yet there is always the uncertainty of "well maybe we are wrong". No wonder you at times get angry at God for not showing himself, you could never catch him in the act no matter how good you were, or how bad for that matter. No matter how much you prayed and no matter how much you raved and ranted or begged--still he remains a huge mystery you could not lure him into the light. 

Grant it he does reveal himself in creation and the exquisite beauty, order and precision of the universe. But what if it is a mere fluke, what if all those atheists are correct--but then what if they are not. Maybe we should live according to Pascals law, or not. Nothing makes sense at all, nothing is correct, nothing is rational and above all nothing is visible apart from the eyes of the soul. Well if there is a soul in the first place, no proof of that at all either way. Probably more so on the "non existent"side.

All and everything seem so hopeless, so useless, so worthless but above all senseless. Then the question arises, why go on? Is there some  rationality of going on, or is it more sensible to end it all, for that is the end anyway. Why prolong the exercise? Well now that you have discovered you new life, well which was always there it just got illuminated let`s say by some human intervention, or maybe some divine intention --but in reality is there a point to all of this honestly? To any life young or old, yet we cling to it with desperation so to experience an other miserable day in the sun, or some days in a blizzard. In the end, there is the end--as some great poet, God knows who said "the dark, cold grave awaits us" Bloody right, it sure is. Yet man yearns for immortality, for eternity --yet non exists, never did, never will only some figment of the imagination that dreams that man is immortal, yet he is dust and unto dust he shall return . This is the truth, this is reality.

Last entry #3

 



Today I have made my last entry  here, into"Dragonsoul" for you--I shall no
longer write here--as I told you last year before I started it, that
I was doing it as a gift for you--it is now finished. I shall not use
this blog spot for anything else. It is now all yours--if ever you
want the pass word, that too can be had. I have taken on my real name
I was given--yours is there amongst the words if you search and desire
it--use it well, --with honor, courage and love. Thus, I too shall be
doing that  from now on. As for Naomi, she will retire from Frontiers,
for I do not want to think that I am lurking. I am under no other
name, though you were under the impression that I was. I removed
myself a long time ago. Check into "Fektiovercome"--the odd time,
there maybe messages there for you, if not --well only you will know.

The new blog will include my days as Naomi, for it is part of my story
of "enlightenment". I am sorry if I offended you, or hurt you or
embarrassed you, that was not my intention.  Neither feel bad for all
that transpired between Naomi and yourself. You were being honest for
a moment, so you think--infatuated with the idea of love. Let this be
a lesson to you that you do not open your heart and soul after knowing
a person for a but a minute--you could be devastated and hurt beyond
measure. People take advantage, it is a cruel world out there in
cyberspace as well as the real world.


I am not offended, neither am I cynical about the happenings, neither
am I making fun of you in any way for being so very gullible. You are
the romantic one, not really I. However,  I am greatly disappointed in
your thoughts romantic as they were, the betrayal above all else
really hurt excruciatingly for a moment--I thought I would die for I
expected far more from you and your commitment to spirit. But it too
passed.  I always held you above all, regarding character, commitment
to spirit and nobility of soul. You were my ,"Indigo Knight" always.
Now I see, I was a mere shadow on the pages that you held so dear, I
was simply a fleeting thought. And you simply were yourself chasing
phantoms.

Be happy my heart I am always near if you need me--all you  ever need
to do is call me and I shall know.
Suzie
 

Rainbow Angel---#2

I wanted to thank you always for the little Rainbow Angel--she has been always with me since you have sent her. She resides in my car in a little red, satin, tiny Chinese pill box. She lives there in the company of a ruby rosary. She was the one that saved us in the accident--I know that.

Thank you,
Quetzal

End is a new beginning...#1

 

“The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.”
The Illuminated Rumi―

AS above, so below.

The past two weeks have been almost a complete purging of spirit.  Paradise lost, and regained once more. This is my last post in this chapter, the end here and a wonderful new beginning--a new road, a new process, a new name, a new blog. The real one. Today--I see why Our Lady said it had to be done, it was my choice to"play the game" or not. I could have messed up big time, it was my test as it was yours. I passed, you failed. However as now, I know it was the right thing to do. Something awesome happened within me, hearing your last words would certainly have devastated me a while back, but as strange as it maybe, on the contrary--I am not. I feel a warm peace washing over me, a tranquillity, an exhilaration, exuberance, a surge of energy and ecstatically happy. I have been on a slow road to this, but suddenly I have arrived. In truth, with an open heart I knew your decision, for I known your stubborn, dogged nature, and your fire--but I had to be sure.

The sad thing for you, and the gift for me was that you opened up and have shown your heart--betrayal is a "dark spirit", that is one lesson that you still have to learn. To betray one`s self is a limiting, devastating exercise.  Am I the better part of you, and I, the older, the wiser if that is possible--the strong, courageous, the brave one. I never thought I would say this, but I am. I see now that I have never ever really needed you--because I was always present, within you, as you are within me. You always have and will need me for that completion of recognition, of acceptance.  I am that part of yourself that you are chasing. I am the angel on the train, I am the little hawk, I am the spider, also I am Cora. You are writing to me. I am the swaying aspen trees, the toothless old woman, the stone mason all the ever existing dark spaces, crevices of your mind.  I am the poison as well as the balm that heals all wounds, I am that silence and I am the mercy of God within that you are searching for, as well as the forgiveness. You know this, for it is all "you". Will you catch "yourself" one day, maybe. But, catch you will, for it is your missing part.

This is not a romantic notion at all, nothing to do with that, but the complexity of spirit, a jigsaw when a part is missing. Self realization. You think that it is about all the romance for me, this illusion of the "fairy tale"--never was. We are not opposites at all, but incomplete trying to be whole as we were created. I now know , but I have integrated within me that which is you, into every cell of my being--that is why I had to do this. That is why I am at the most tranquil, peaceful time that I have ever experience in all of my existences. I was heading this way a while back, but now with you  this happening--which had to, I have arrived. You see darling, as you said"walking backwards" we do arrive at the same place eventually, but also it becomes once more a new beginning with a complete vision on the entire territory covered. Thus I am there--Ouroboros.You are not yet.

As I was reading some of your recent letters I smiled often and repeated the phrase"you are so not grown up". Wisdom of spirit is not equated with intelligence, nor understanding complex philosophical issues nor using and knowing the entire Oxford dictionary backwards or writing beautifully in complex terms--that is just being a brilliant, exquisite and talented writer, but that still does not make you a brilliant soul. Neither an enlightened one. What is the use of all the writing when it is not adding to the polishing of the diamond?

Yes--much is in Pytha--I have read it, and re-read it, every word often through the years--probably can quote stuff from there that you yourself have forgotten. What I am trying to say to you is, do not be blinded for then you shall lose your way quite easily if you get stuck in the mud.  Strange as it may seem there were a few entries within Pytha that made no sense to me though I read it dozens of times, suddenly, now every word makes illuminating sense, it is like some scales have fallen from my understanding, and now I see with my minds eye. You have asked and were given, you knocked the door is open--though do realize that by pushing the door it will not open, for it opens inwards.

 I am that angel in the red raincoat, I am that whom you are looking for. I was on that train, I now see that,  I am the wayshower, I am that which you seek, I am that which you yearn for, I am that whom you are searching for--it is your very self all along. I thought it was the other way around--no it is not.

But, still your ego gets in the way. The great sin, the "missed mark"--still you do it. Like the sweet thornbird that dies in the process of sacrificing its very life on top of those thorns for that one song to God. I cannot help you if you refuse my help, I cannot hold your hand if you refuse to hold mine and I cannot give you peace unless you accept it. You cannot fly if you refuse your other wing, I cannot love you if you do not allow me to.

The past two weeks have totally transformed me, like the Phoenix, I have made it through the transformation, through the fire--into something else, into "completion". Transfiguration. This is ascension for me, I never thought I would utter these words--the "shift" is complete. For you, you have to choose it. Our Lady is always right, and so is sweet, beautiful  Xerxes. I wasn`t quite aware of your choice, but you chose something else. In the end we all know, our soul knows and if we ask God we are shown the way. Always.

Often I was measured with you, at times chose my words carefully--even then my words were misconstrued, misunderstood. I begged and pleaded with you, the more I did it, the more you refused. I thought I needed you, but it is you who needed me all along.

I was scared that you may leave me, frightened that you would forget me and love me no more. I thought that by giving all, allowing all and being all for you is what I needed to do for you to understand "us". The thing is you have to understand "us", I already always have. Only when you shall feel me moving within you, only when your hear my heart beats within yours, only when my mind is within yours, only when you see me as an expression of yourself, only when our spirits are fused and there is no more separation shall you have reach the point of completion within God. I have--I need no other human being--as you need Naomi.

I do know that we are very different from other souls--we are perhaps older, or come from a "different existence, or sphere of reality", a different creation, a different part of God perhaps than most--if there is such a term . There are some in the world like us, but very few. This is not haughtiness, or pride just acknowledgement and recognition of our heritage. Neither is it such that we are the "movers or shakers of this world", or the chosen ones, we are not. Is not about that, goes far deeper, but much to do about God . It is not about "here", it is about "all that is"--if that makes sense.

Why us? Why you? Why me?--I suppose the answer to that lies in our love for God, our dedication to our existence and our gratitude of "being"--in sorts"enlightenment". The purpose all that is--is "us", the complete version within God, as Rumi has said.  Yes, he was an other, so was Hafiz, so is dear Hermano, as well as Merton,  the Little Flower and a few other saints and sinners .

I don`t know if you remember, but one of the very first messages of Our lady  answering my question as to our purpose, our mission. Her response was"pulling souls through".  That is it--but we can only do that when they allow us the permission to do so. Neither were we mature enough at the time for the task, I now see. We needed that completion within each other--you see it is done, you simply have to accept it, realize it then it is activated--I have. Have you? I know you haven`t, for you wouldn`t have written all those letters to Naomi, well me really-as she dosn`t exist--you see that was the "test". You are still looking and far more attached to the material than I am. You failed it. Think about it.

Please do not think this is about all the love and romance. Don`t confuse the issue, though that is tied in for that what is part of love, part of spirit, it is not really the issue--please give me credit for that. I am not this little confused, lovestruck teenager hopelessly in love with you--dreaming to make love to you. Once more I shall evoke Hafiz`s name--read him then you will once more know me entirely, thus you will also know yourself. I do.

You are still far more attached to the physical than I am--that is why you need an audience, you need boosting of your ego to feel accepted. But, the only acceptance we need to do is accept ourselves, for we are "all". That is what is resting within God, that what you so ardently seek, you already have.

Read the letters you wrote Naomi aka Red Dragon, Suzie,  me, let us not forget!--and think with soul. You seem to be in the exact spot you were six and a half years ago, extricate yourself. Everything is the same. Nothing gained, much lost.

" Lovers--that is another kettle of fish. I haven't grokked so fearsome a beast as all that. Not yet."
You see I have.