Tornadoes

Days flow into nights, flow into days. I seem to have lost count--for a day or two I was ok, but now I am back into the weirdness. Almost like a dream sequence--I seem to have lost the thread, in more ways than one. I haven`t been doing the midnight Lahra, for generally I am asleep then, but wake around 1am and then not sleep at all--I haven`t slept in many weeks--it is so strange and the thoughts in my head during the night. At times is a `word` that goes around and around--or the heading of one of the posts. Maybe I shouldn`t be so `into` it. Maybe I am too involved in it and all is overwhelmed by it--well my mind. I just don`t know.

Maybe I should consult Xerxes--he isn`t around, maybe I shall call him tonight.

I know that you are in the same boat sweetheart, for how it flows with me so it flows with you. Those messages on the other blog seem to be very strong--I have to read some of them, but somehow I find it hard. It feels very strongly that it is not me writing them, for I have no idea of some of the content--and when I read one here and there it seems foreign, not my writing.

There is a dis-connect some where within me from reality. I was hoping for at least a word--well I  wasn`t really for I know your stubborn nature, and pride. Wonder if I shall ever hear from you? Will I? I haven`t been doing the cards for weeks, I should.

I wonder if anything will happen at the end of the year--Well She says it will. Depends how we look at things. I am doing the Consecration--I so wish I would be, could be more focused.

I watched a movie on Scientology--I wanted to know maybe it had something to offer me--all it did was nausea--LOL That Hubbard man is sure is a con artist--as for leading people off a cliff, he gets top marks. What an asinine story about Xenu--what a lot of bull. I am sure he is in league with the dark forces.

There is this huge mega storm brewing in Oklahoma--hundreds of tornadoes predicted--there are so many strange things happening. The problem is that I don`t get the full coverage-- Awful to think that in a moment a whole life time is wiped away, even lives. Makes one think of priorities and life in general .

What the hell is all this about, Alfie? We scrounge and scripm, save stuff--collect stuff and comes a moment and all is history. An other birthday--God I am losing count, I feel the same, but the years are awful many. Where has my life gone? Where am I going? What will happen? I sure as hell won`t be in an old age home, I shall do something before that ever happens--I couldn`t do that. Just simply wait to die--Feri was very lucky. It was a blessing. m

Maybe the Blessed Mother will be good to me and I shall have a happy death--but then what/ Ah, that little nagging doubt at times a mountain. I wish I could have deeper faith--I wish I wasn`t so alone--I wish you were still in my life--How I wish so many things that are not to be. How are you doing? From our last conversation--well I know like me--up then down--more down though.