I think this colour for our date is appropriate, and a Jacaranda fractal--it is called--
Memory of Jacaranda--now how beautiful is that? Is there coincidence? I think not!--our memory this morning.
Well baby, it is only 1.35 am/Easter Sunday/8/April/12--the morning that Our Lord is risen! I am in awe and filled with total gratitude for all or blessings and how good our Lord God is to us--Our Blessed Mother--Glory to God in all of God`s animations. And waiting anxiously to meet my Cicukam --real soon. We haven`t for a while consciously--thus this will be a time to remember being Easter Sunday, a great beginning for us. A new life, I think we have ascended--if not completely, but almost. I have said this but I feel such a wonderful peace in my heart, my soul is tranquil--I am so thankful for everything--for allowing us to experience this life, experiencing each other--above all finding each other. This is going to be such wonderful times I know from here on--Story to be continued after our appointment by the Jacaranda tree which is in full bloom.--1hour 20 minutes to go!
I arrived at 2.58am/ he wasn`t there yet--then saw him smiling in a white T-shirt and beige pants--as he was walking towards the swing under the Jacaranda tree. It was in full bloom--under it lay a carpet of purple-blue close to the edge of the end of the cliff, above the ocean. I think we can only will this tree so close to the edge with our thoughts--:). I can`t remember if the sun was out, but there was much light. I wasn`t conscious of the ocean at all now come to think of it. I had a long white linen dress, simple but cute--with my red sandals, the usual hoop earrings. Yeah, we looked good.
We were so happy to see other, for a minute or two we just hugged each other tight, in silence--standing in embrace. Then we sat down on the swing, he was holding my hand tightly--, the subtle fragrance of the Jacarandas in the air.--We just sat there looking deeply into each others eyes --it was such a magical moment. He was telling me very how much he missed and that he loved me very much. I echoed the sentiment--well I am sure he knows, though I think at times I maybe more connected these days, --he says its`s because he has too much going on in his physical life.
We were there talking until 4.57am--I shan`t go into the entire conversation in detail--but he explained that all was just getting too much starting with the selling of the Colorado house, the move, to Arizona, and the whole mess. he said he just coudn`t do the romantic thing any longer--he couldn`t write a sentence more never mind long proses.Also--my letters, and all the emotions involved through all of that so he decided to end it. But he thought he could manage without me, but he is now totally lost all direction as well as his muse. hardly writes. He is bringing up the kids,--the twins just over 2 and 6years. Moved back to the house, Louis and Kai marriage is finished, he has no job, the house is up for sale--his mother is driving him crazy, on the phone constantly--more in Chicago then not--they are in some other state--he never mentioned which. His dad is sick--he dosn`t know what will happen with her. He himself has no money, can`t get a job--but needs to take care of the kids, as Kai has to work. He dosn`t know what will happen if and when the house is sold, or where they will go but kai has to stay in Chicago because of the job.
He is depressed more often than not--can`t write.Hardly ever. Can`t think--he hardly prays, or contemplates. His life came totally apart and a spiritual standstill--he says--and losing me was the biggest blow. But his pride kept him away--in the beginning it wasn`t bad, but it got progressively worse, and the past weeks have been unbearable he said. I didn`t ask--but I am sure he called on Our Lady, for I think it was Her idea for us to get back together now. My heart bleeds for him--I told hin that we are in similar shoes, I am better though--I have transcended much these days--so I know now he will take my hand. Together once more we shall be able to to do anything--he loved the leave metaphor--he is the top, I the underside and I am the wind as well underneath the leaf---his muse--LOL. Also laughed about Dyer and Tolle--not his favourits, if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change`.
He said the past 2 years--exactly almost to the day--seemed short yet forever. That is exactly how I feel. I told him all--the Fekiovercome blogs, the Quetzal and Dragonsoul--No he didn`t know it was me-- he didn`t recognize the symbol, he said he dosn`t know anything these day he is so disconnected from spirit. Without a compass and in the dark. I told him about the private blogs, and to read those for Our Lady had much to say to him. Then I told him all that has been going on--the accident, the whole mess and the present. How I am back to many spiritual things once more--the 2012 thing and the urgency of writing. And all the questions which I cannot answer.Also that the Rigel and Bellatrix is really just a form of escape, he agreed.
I mentioned my trip to St Michael's and St. Basil--he said he dosn`t want to hear about it as he is still very hurt and raw about it--he said he would like to take a bomb to the place he is still so angry. He is so very lonely and I was the anchor in his life--his muse. Maybe things now will turn around, well I know for a fact they will. He also dosn`t want to hear any romantic stuff,--fine with me, we have enough for 20 lifetimes--His stress and pressure are tremendous and he can`t seem to handle it alone.Well, I knew it really. I told him we shall see how we do, and then maybe on his birthday I will send him Dragonsoul--We shall see, now I see he is not ready--just for me to hold and comfort him. Just for him to know I am with him, part of him is all he needs now to get onto his feet.
I told him that I always will love him and no matter what I was never angry. I too was much at fault I should have seen what was going on and I had to admit I was somewhat selfish and unfeeling.Also what has been happening; the accident, my life and how I feel now. About the urgency and about what I think is going to happen, or rather my thoughts because I don`t really know and the Blessed Mother will not really say.But something is coming down the pike that I know. I told him that we cannot be without each other and we have to work together--he agreed. Not in the physical world, we shall see about that in a few months.
We hugged and just lay in each others arms, just kissing each other gently--what a beautiful sensation wonderful feeling to be within each other field, to regenerate, to know that we are one.All the feeling were there even stronger. I hope now he shall be able to feel better about everything and together it will all flow in a positive direction.
So that plan is; we shall meet there every Saturday 3am/2am his time, we shall -visit Lahra--read it up and do 10 minutes everyday/ #1#2--at exactly midnight--if one forgets the other possible won`t and at time we shall do it together(I slept over last night--today is Easter Monday--but to night I will) Not many plans but a start, I think a bit more about things we should do. At this point the physical contact is on hold. He read the letter, he loved the Charles Price quote `practising atheists` and he hasn`t really read the Fekti post, but he will and that the Blessed Mother on that blog want`s to be called as Universal Mind--well it is really true-God is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent so what could one name God Almighty with a human mind.
We were together almost 2 hours--well exactly 2-- plus or minus a few seconds!We held each other in silence, and we said good bye till next week--from 2.58-2.57+am
No comments:
Post a Comment