Birthdays

 

 Ah yes--my birthday--I remember well, some of them. 

I am glad that in the first number of chapters my early life is all is documented in Proteas--maybe one day someone will read it--maybe my grand, grand children. Adriyanna already has.

As I write, I often wonder who , if any will read all this. I suppose it is good for my soul to express my true feelings onto these pages. Life is far too short I have come to realise--was just yesterday I was sitting in class at Yeoville Holy Family Convent--staring out the door at the corner of Cavendish Avenue, hoping to have a glimpse of G. Often he would be waiting for me there in his netted whiteT-shirt and shorts and flip flops--looking ever so cool. How my heart jumped when I saw him or when I heard that Garelli in the distance. How jealous were all the girls that such a gorgeous boy liked me and we were going out.

And those great afternoons we had together--almost every day; listening to records, talking,and laughing-- going to the bioscope--saying goodbye in the garage, kissing and hugging. How we loved each other --but then that too passed--we met when I was 14 and he was 15. Yes--almost 3 years is generally the time always for me--was with G, was with Den, was really just 18 months with Steve. They were sweet boys--innocent and great. Where are people like them?

And I remember my 16th birthday when G sent me those beautiful bouquet of 16 yellow roses. How happy it made me!--First time I ever had flowers delivered to me--. Yes, and pretending to play Den`s guitar on that day for the photos...:) I wonder where that guitar is--we brought it to Canada. I miss Johannesburg--well maybe I miss the past and how things were. The years are less than a moment--how fast they have flown by. I wonder what lies ahead? Maybe nothing. All are left always are just the pictures of the times frozen onto the disc--. And who will care to watch--I wonder. probably nobody--we are only important players within our own lives--I dosn`t mean much to anyone else. When one dies all goes out into the rubbish bin--all the things treasured, all the things that were special, all the things that were important to one life--over and out forever. 

I wonder if it is all worth it? maybe it would have been better had not A met L and fell in love. The only good thing is that I was born out of deep love. But where did this get me? Maybe for being the way I am--and it isn`t a good thing to be . But all this musing about this subject  is for an other time.

I can`t even remember what Dennis had given me--him I met at 15 he had just turned 16 that June--, I had met him a year after G at Harrow Park. I was with Alice and he was with Julius--I had forgotten my sunglasses on the rocks, by the fish pond, --and later  he brought them to me. Poor Dennis he loved me so much I treated him miserably--he deserved better. He wrote daily--often 2 letters from Louis Botha Naval Academy--even when he was on the boat--he sent me flowers from New York on my 18th birthday. He kept writing incessantly--I am glad I kept some of his letters, and read some to him. Did he remember? We all do to moments--like the songs Tell Me, I wanna hold your Hand, Under the Boarwalk--and Do-wha-diddy-diddy-dum-dum; --so many sweet memories...:).

The next time were on my 17, the Proteas--how lovely they were; those were from Steve. He dosn`t mean much looking back now--I was maybe a bit infatuated with him, but that`s it. I am sure he dosn`t remember much of me either--however the other 2--I know they do. Wonder where G is? Well I know all about Den--I know he wouldn`t have been good for me--he still isn`t good as I realised a few years ago. Good luck to Tracy--he is no angel especially now that he is older--well much older...:) But we keep in touch now and then--well now he is quiet for she is a very jealous woman...:)

Yes, I remember well--those Jacarandas, the white Dodge--Apay waiting at the gates. the times at Nagypapa, at the San Remo on Kotze Street. One birthday especially--14 I think, the year I got the sewing basket from them and they treated me to a bioscope, but not what I wanted to see but what they wanted to see--Queen Elizabeth in India--I was sooo upset and angry.....:) yes--I remember to when I broke up with Giovanni and that evening Magdi and Misi took me to the bioscope--it was a James Bond film--Thunderball--can`t remember at all I was just crying, and nobody knew.

Then I remember an other birthday--12 I think,--we were living in Malvin Court still,  when Irene gave me the little bracelet with the 10 Commandments--I still have it. I can`t even remember if I had a small party or not--we could never afford one. Other birthdays came and went without memories--these few were the special ones.

Well--ofcourse the one when you sent me the words to `Hero`, that made me fly over the moon. That was the most special, is the one I shall take to my grave. Do you remember any with me--maybe the Lorraine Cross or the Wherther`s Originals..:) Hope at least one...and hope you have kept a thing or two.  But, I shall not dwell on those times--what is to be will be--I leave it in the hands of Our Lady.

As for birthdays--these days they are practically the worse days of my life, and they seem to be speeding up. It was a good day yesterday though--we were together at Oliver`s--well not everybody. The children called and Tiff--Did you think of me?  I wonder--but I think so. As for being happy--What is that? Is life good? Not really--far too complicated and bloody hard. A fight for survival. Why? I haven`t the foggiest.As to where I am going--I have no idea, I hardly know where I have been.

Well sweetheart--an other day, an other birthday once more is history--and how was your day Cicukam?