Shadow world

 

A day or so ago I was about to send you this blog spot. Now, I don`t think it is such a good idea. For one; you are brilliant writer as I see, always have known and I am just waffling round with words. Rather embarrassing. I can`t even imagine how you could have been with me for so long, my simplicity simply is ghastly.

So, I have decide to just keep all this to myself and whomever stumbles here and wants to read what I write.I wonder how you are doing? What you are doing? Are you still looking after the children at your sister? Would be nice to know how you are doing. Your papers? Any other work? How are your parents? Hope all is well.

I seem to know, yet it would still be nice to have some sort of idea of what your day to day life is like. I could register into Reiki F, but I don`t want to do that. I want all to be above board, and on the level. Not that it matters much by now. How we messed up things, why, that is beyond me. Haven`t we? There is a reason for everything, at this point, though at times I try and justify all, I still do not see the reason. That was a long time together. Do you think of me? Dream of me? Miss me? I do all of the mentioned endeavours at times with a heavy heart. You`re a tough, hard, determined dragon--your heart is well fortified these days.

I miss you terribly. Reading your cards make you so present...I laugh and cry. It feels good though. I know you love me. Sad, that this is the way we chose to go, we had alternatives.

It feels like we were living in an other world, like an altered state, like all what we had is like a dream and it didn`t even exist. Maybe it didn`t. But I have all the writings, so it did.  Feels so weird, or maybe this is the altered state. God , honestly at times I just wish it would all just end...everything. well as sure as hell I will not get old and decrepit in an old folks home. That will never happen, ever.

What I think happened is we inhabited a shadow world for a time, like a parallel universe or something. Even my vocabulary has diminished to the bare minimum, my thinking is shot and all else is gone off the deep end.

Maybe it really didn`t happen at all. Just my imagination playing tricks on me.It would be so nice just to go to sleep and forget the past years, let Lethe do her magic, and remember nothing. Drink her waters and just simply have amnesia forever...maybe never to wake up. Wonder if there is an after-world? Wonder if we shall see each other ...we say so , but are we sure? Maybe there is just simply nothing. Possible.

Days like this bring all thoughts into my mind, all versions of life of death of being and not being. Nothing helps. Nothing seems right. Nothing is falling into place. Nothing makes sense.Neither does life, nor death.Have you ever been there? I know you have, many times. I`m there now. In that shadow world of being a no-thing. There is just no peace to be found anywhere, no rest, no place where there is calmness.