Going crazy with Dali

No matter ever which way I look at it, life it seems to pass at the speed of light. Good, bad and the ugly pass just as quickly. There is no distinction regarding the event, whether great or small, enjoyable or miserable or whatever. Thus, these days consciously I have decided  to worry not, stress not about anything and in a way withdraw from the world and all its miseries in conjunction with its mysteries. 

I refuse to I live in slavery anymore to paralyzing anxiety when a bill is not paid, lose my keys or as simple as dust bunnies under my bed. Who cares about those critters anyway? What difference do they have regarding my life in anyway in the scheme of my mission of living? In the life of the universe? Or my dying? Or life eternal?--Mmm if the latter exists at all or of anything at all? --three word describe life these days `one unholy  mess `!  Does this sound fatalistic? Cynical? Or a tiny bit sarcastic? -- So shoot me.  I just simply don`t care about all the crap going on  in life anymore. Time these days feels non-existent, like being in a time warp.Odd. Time going at a different speed, I being completely out of synch with  it, and all. Like Dali`s clocks, all is melting away. Time is unreservedly skewed  and time as I had known before has transmuted to  to some phantom reality.

The other strange phenomenon in my life is that, things that were important before now seem to be most irrelevant. Now, what has changed? Have I? My own body feels foreign to me. My perception of things are bathed in a different light. I am disinterested and disengaged--all I want to do is hibernate maybe in a cave somewhere.  My surroundings seem the same yet all feels 180 degrees different. The perception is that of separation from very myself in some way. Does this make any sense?

My outlook is different. It is a weird unearthly sensation, like not being here, being else where, spaced out on some hallucinogenic drug. All of reality is distorted lately--probably that is the reason why I can now revisit the past with almost a detached calmness, and coolness, looking at all the events of my life from a distance--just being an observer of it. Almost devoid of all emotion regarding all  past events. As if  it all happened to to someone else, or in a different time sphere, or to a complete stranger that I don`t recognize. What does all this mean Dr. Freud?

No, I don`t hear voices yet, nor do I see little green men, or faeries, or see dead people --but that maybe coming soon also down the pike, as the way things are progressing ;) For a good while now, something has happened within my psyche. Maybe I am just unraveling  like a spool of thread, or my junk DNA is being activated, or being up graded  from two to three, just my Kundalini gone wild--Now there`s  a tantalizing thought :) Seriously,  something intangible, uncanny sensations that I have never experienced is going on. Maybe it was there all along but was so close that I failed to see it. Well,  morphing--this is the  perfect term for it.

The present, the past and even the now, are all muddled together in an illusory dream state. I feel I am not here at all.  All totally alien sensation to me. Maybe I have simply gone over the deep end.  Or to the next dimension--forget 4D, it`s probably feels like 6D :) Maybe these are  the symptoms of ascension. Now that is an other reality that I wonder about and its actual validity.  I`m a real doubting Thomas as well these days, yet some days I believe every single strange theory in existence. And these type of days are increasing in frequency--maybe I am really going crazy. Or just bloody depressed. Though I don`t feel I am.

Some great new age guru said --When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Maybe that is the answer. This seems a profound revelation for me these days. Epiphany would be more appropriate. Even my vision of love seems different, the whole aspect of my being seems to have turned some corner, a sea change.

Thus the fundamental question arises which originally was proposed by Einstein whether we want to to live in a hostile universe or a friendly one? Do I want to live the remaining years or perhaps moments of my life being miserable? Being happy?-- or  being totally detached from everything? The safest is certainly the last one. So that is the one I shall choose. Maybe these feelings are the result of the choice from my sub-conscious--Mmm?

Thus I have decided to just let life simply flow unimpeded, at its own will  and not worry or dwell on anything at this point in my life. Just let it just happen as it will...or according to the Divine Will. Offering it up as a sacrifice. Surrender it all. Place it all into the hands of Our Lady....even She feel different in a very tangible way, yet She is the only constant. God is. Why? Now, this is the greatest mystery at this juncture. What is the meaning or message to me. Meditate on it more I suppose.

All there is this present moment, which has already already passed--how weird is that? Every present moment is history--yesterday, tomorrow, even the the now. To be completely present, to be completely engulfed and experience is all that there is, but to be part of every moment in its entirety, is in every way is absolutely impossible. Latest philosophical, theoretical and theological theory of  Dr. Red Dragon-- In other words --Life sucks big time!