So, it needs to tell its story here, right now. So it is. Letting go is not it--at all, at all. You were always free. As for breath of my breath, well--no escaping that, however nothing to fear, nothing to lose everything to gain. No, it is not a dangerous area to be in or to be coming from. We are still individual breaths, maybe breathing in unison--but neither of us can and will ever breathe without each other, ever. Does this make sense--or craziness only? Just one thing-- you have also used the exact same term in more than a letter or two, but that is neither here nor there. We have said much, much more to each other, we both did, as I am now re-reading them over with new eyes. But as Jesus said in the `Course`: It is all about forgiveness of self.
It is about coming to completion. All that we have, all that we are, all that transpired added to the complexity of the whole, of `us`. Do you see? I don`t gain or lost neither do you--all we did was gain more than we could ever have imagined it.
Physical, mental as well as the spiritual expressions are each an important factors in development, none less or more important the other. All has to be present in proportion, none can be missing or then there is no wholeness. Do you understand? One doesn`t stunt the growth of the other sphere, it helps it. Maybe it was intense, but there is power in that.
It is your fear--maybe wrong term, but it is my perception, that you feel that one will be in a way competing against the other. This needed (the physical expression) much work which we accomplished as to our development as `whole`. This is neither a romantic or a `being in love` notion, but a vehicle to feel, to experience and to express those emotions that were welled up over eons and waiting to come to life, your words within me, and mine within your being.
Yes, times are a `chaingin but because of the laws of the universe--which was kind enough, graceful enough to allow us this privilege to come to completeness, before time runs out--by this I mean eternal gratitude to Our Lady/ Our God in every from of manifestation and existence that God IS, may deign fit.
BTW: Why are you so angry about what I have written? It was overblown--and you just took it in the wrong way. Those last times and places where we were at were rather strange, let`s just leave it at that. Neither of us is perfect, far from it-- but if and what we have professed, felt in our core to be the `real` between us, then it should not, could not have caused so much an upheaval in our relationship, only temporarily.--We shall see where it leads us. Eternity is eternal. I am waiting --whether you show up or not.
You have said many more things about my nature that were upsetting, but very true-- said in a more subtle form of language--and I love you far more than to let such things affect all my reactions towards you in anyway. But the you are water, I am fire.
The disillusionment part, really was my reaction to certain events at the time, it was that I expected a different response, not an ice cold and granite hard one...and I wanted to hurt you, for I felt more wounded than you can ever imagine. But, am truly sorry about my reaction, as for yours, well you know in your heart what you felt and feel.
As for safe harbors? I was always yours--as you were mine, what was there to fear about that? or is there a difference when I said it to when you said it--? Why? Aren`t we equals?
Mar/2010
Suzie-I keep going back to those letters you wrote a couple of weeks ago, I think it was Why? because they impressed me profoundly. Not were there things you said about me for the most part absolutely true, said insights were rendered with the power of integrity. I was deeply flattered!
Your disillusionment; it was long in the coming.I think it was most urgently required.There will be time enough to get into the details,but for now--again, the letters.They clearly reveal that side of you that you would sooner die than give expression to
Indigo
Suzie-That hidden side of your nature is the one which I most resonate to though. It is something I understand completely and try as you might, with me you will never escape it. The romanticism, the idealization, the sentimentality--I can no longer allow them in our relationship, if it is to continue, except in a highly sublimated form, and then only if tempered with true strength and commitment to nuance.
I know what you mean when you say you cannot breath without me, as I am part of your breath. But that is an extremely dangerous place from which to come. Do you realize?
Indigo
Cicukam-I am anything but a safe harbor, and my loyalties are never divided--as others have discovered before you. As far as I see it, true relationships are all about change and inner transformation, and damn hard work, so unless you can let me go completely, you cannot long be with me either. I will not call you on every evasion of the living truth of that impeccably defended grit of yours, but the times they are a`chaigin, and we have but two years left! Sweetness,
your own devil
Indigo
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