Black sheep

We all have one….a ’ black sheep’ in the family-as my sister calls herself. Well, so they call themselves,-not that they are ever named that, but every black sheep labels themselves as thus. Generally they live with a deep martyr complex, ‘no one loves me’ or best of all ‘the world is against me’ and it is never their fault, but a conspiracy against them from the world. Truth be told  most of them are this way because of being spoiled rotten….in our case our father is the culprit. Not that I blame him, for he didn`t do it on purpose, but he simply created a monster in the name of love…unto herself.  By this her entire life  has been a big drama, possibilities missed and roads never travelled -not that any life is ever perfect, but we do have happy moments-hers are far  and few in between. Her life is an entire, continual Shakespearean tragedy. She clings to her past wounds like a badge of honor-pasting guilt trips on anyone who is willing to listen.

I, from the depth of my heart love her very much, which she never will believe. I feel deeply for the pain she is causing herself, truly.  She thinks that everybody, including her own family is out to get her. Untrue. All her life she was treated special, yet she feels she was always put into the background, sidelined-which is not true at all. She has an enormous inferior complex-and in need of  serious therapy, which she will not acknowledge. It is not a sin to ask for help-we are all sinners and saints! One can only be helped if one accepts the problems first-then a remedy will be found. Not her. She is extremely intelligent, beautiful and has many superior qualities-which she fails to see. A shining soul, with a loving heart. However, she puts herself down constantly-feeling frustrated, angry with what she perceives as 'her unworthiness' which  is preventing her in fulfilling her 'darma'.  She is in constant despair-in self flagellation mode. In every way possible she sabotages her own self constantly. For example- imagine never in her conscious life did she ever put on a bathing suit-at least since she was 10 years old, due to her low body image. Seriously, she looks absolutely great. Now, that say something about self esteem and self worth. Because of similar behaviours she actually makes it rather impossible for everyone around to love her. Blaming everyone else for our lot in life will not change things, but compound them. We all have the power to be the driver of our life, be it famous or infamous, angel or devil-whatever we decide we have to accept it and be at peace with it. No-we are not perfect at all-nor shall we ever be, but we need to do the best we can with what we have. If we don`t allow the past bad experiences to drain away it will stifle us.We have been gifted with that divine spark, that grace of God which often is enough to make us carry on.
She is her worst enemy in every way. Sadly, my mother enables her to a large degree-feeling sorry for her, helping her out most of the time-and worst of all often agreeing with her, which adds fuel to the fire. Why mom does this? I have no idea-maybe she just dosn`t want to face conflict with her, but for whatever reason-this method it is not working at all.

Now, after more than 25 years of marriage  her husband has left her with her with their  18 old daughter. He too has his own problems from childhood-much emotional baggage and has no coping mechanism in anyway except alcohol. So I understand why he could not take it any longer-the continual  fights, emotional abuse, the drama-both being the accused and accuser;  inflicting pain by every possible means on each other. They are like two peas in a pod-each one blaming each other, in all forms of abuse. I don`t blame him, neither her—I see all points. Their daughter, who is just the opposite of her in every way- who cares only about herself, who dosn`t care a hoot about her mother at all. An 18 year old going on 28 regarding relationships with boys and life. True, she is doing well in school and will be starting university in September-but is leaving town-not feeling an iota of guilt about leaving her mother all alone. My sister`s mantra is-’ I want my child to be happy and I don`t care about anything else-especially about myself.’ Yes-the martyr complex bleeding through-gushing through in fact!

Well, this is rather is a sad state of affairs. It is all a reflection of her own self creation-and no one else to blame but herself. Well, we create monsters through thinking we do it all for love. The phrase ‘I do it all out of love ’  is written boldly on her standard–this dosn`t bode well at times at all! Love can actually kill. It is killing her slowly, but surely.

My sister  thinks that spoiling her child rotten as she was, is being a great mother-that giving her all is a sign of  love-well it isn`t at all. We all live our own lives through our children-as she is that is true, but there needs to be limits, boundaries –which she does not recognise. Being friends and buddy, buddy with one`s child is not a sign of a good mother, neither is it a sign of deep love-all this behaviour gains is a total lack of respect.  Sadly-that is where she is now, as well as losing her other child to a marriage who is in Chicago-she`s on bad terms with her also, as well as losing our brother because he is a type who will take a lot of crap, but once the glass is full, it is over . So,I am still hanging in there for dear life-wishing and hoping for things to work out. Maybe I am a dreamer-but I wish our family to be whole as it once was. Well, my mother will always be there for her-but she is 93. 

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