Loss of a soul

“Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love. Everything is united by it alone. Love is God, and to die means that I, a particle of love, shall return to the general and eternal source.”
― Leo Tolstoy

 As a song lyrics says; ”Mama said there would be days like these”-. A friend of mine Anne, died that I went to school with from Grade I to Grade 12. A year ago she was a happy go lucky wonderful , joyful person-and suddenly tragedy struck in the form of cancer. She fought very hard-we prayed hard, but God had other plans for her. Not a single day had passed during her illness that I didn`t think , send a note on FB or pray for her-I guess it was not enough sadly-and I feel really bad. She called me her “Angel” -I guess I wasn`t an influential angel after all-and that brings tears to my eyes, and to my heart.

For many years we sat in those old oak desks, walked those beautiful oak paneled halls together, went to mass together every first Friday with our class, had similar experiences of growing up in wonderful South Africa. Played together, became teenagers together and eventually adults with so many hopes and dreams. Life was good, but for none of us did our dreams materialize-they became what God`s plans were not ours. But, they were good and we were grateful and blessed.

We found each other on FB 18 months ago-she was so happy that we found each other. Then suddenly she started getting ill –it got worse. She had treatments for about a year and was very optimistic, yet sadly she left this worldly realm a few day ago –as we all shall one day. She has no more pain now, she left that pain behind for us who cared and loved her, the punishment and her –pain is upon us, but mostly the empty space she left behind, knowing that she is gone forever, who, but some months ago was a vibrant living being-it just boggles the mind. It is hard to accept or comprehend-especially when someone is still quite young then it is much more of a shock.

Times like this cause so much reflection and turmoil in one. We question and doubt about all that one believes whole heartedly. It shakes us to our very core, and we are the one who get tested, those left behind. We wonder about life, about existence and about the purpose of all. There is no answer no matter how strong one`s faith is-it still gets shaken and sadness envelops the soul-we feel a part is ripped from our heart for we seldom think of the finality of life, we are far too busy with the earthly, mundane things of survival-and times like this reminds us , that nothing is important really, for everything and everyone  eventually has to face death. And after-no matter how strong our faith is –we do not know what comes, if anything beyond death.

RIP my beloved friend Anne in the arms of God