Blossoming of a human soul

  

   


                        Letter to remember from Indigo Dragon-27/8/2013

A report on the blossoming of a human soul

The thing of it is, cica, my cousin Claudia is dying. Her doctors gave her five years, at most, and that was after her last operation in the spring of this year. She is forty-two. We might not ever see her again. 

The last time I saw her was about eight years ago, at my brother's wedding. And it is so terribly sad. I look at her now, as though for the very first time, and I just want to cry because I've known her my whole life and never actually saw her at all. We grew up together. Her brother lives in the house where our great-grandma died, but that is how it is. You never actually see people until it is too damn late, or nearly so.

What I have never witnessed before, until now...and I honestly don't think I will ever see it again, but you know--when the mystics speak of flowering, that is not a metaphor. Claudia may be dying, but her life is quite literally flowering before my very eyes. She has surrendered her life completely to the presence of God and he is working the miracle of the resurrection right before my very eyes. 

She has come home, sweetheart. I have lived my entire lifetime for this and only this and I am completely and utterly and forever unworthy of so sublime a gift as to witness a soul returned to God. Today the saints are smiling in heaven, for one of them will be among their number soon, or I am mad, and may i never remember sanity. Yes, I will be beneath the Jacaranda, because if I ever needed you, it is this night of all others, and but I need the Blessed Mother even more so and humbly beg for her presence.

Is it any wonder that I am feeling a bit discombobulated? Is it any wonder that I am feeling bloody confused--because the human farse continues on in its merry way, and I am playing along. Of course we are having a total blast together, and but I keep getting realities mixed up here--in the one i am bearing witness to the full blown Enlightenment of another human being, and in the other I am going through what everybody else who has ever been here before me has experienced in the grieving process. It's only natural that we are losing an angel. I've worked in hospice. I've heard it a million times.

But you know damn well, dearest, that I have lived my entire life for an experience that has not even happened to me now, and which probably never will. And here it is anyway. I really don't get it. And worst of all, I'm helplessly in love with what God is manifesting here, right before my very eyes, and my silly-ass cousin gets right into the thick of it, as usual, and that without even trying. ROFL. That is so you. If anybody gets enlightened it would naturally be an Aries. Even if they don't even smell it, only they would be so bold as to take the prise as a matter of course! LOL

What's even funnier is that Claudia would think I were completely off my gosh darn rocker if she knew what I was going through on her account. She singlehandedly runs a farming collective in Bavaria, and it wasn't for an excess of imagination that she was ever scolded. No, quite to the contrary. It would never occur to her. Or hell, maybe it would, though for such scruples as, "which one of these things doesn't belong with the others," well, she would probably  just go into shock.

And like I said, I didn't see it coming. At all, at all. 

And it is all rather odd because I was thinking to myself just the other day that my emotions were not fully to be trusted. Now I seem to remember what I was praying for when I tossed that penny into the fountain the other day (and this, at least is true).

Quite honestly, I take this shit really seriously. (See how many voices are coming through me? Can you count them all?)

"Anyhow....if my ever loving, totally loveless and clueless ego is the first and last thing standing between me and that which i am witnessing."

To whit...the voice of the devil. Didn't you know that he was here too? I have a really interesting story to tell you...about a werewolf. A true story, as all such teaching stories are.

--by the way....if the Oliver whom you know and love is all of these characters, then who is left? Who am I? All of them? No wonder you think of me as mercurial. When my yoga instructor and I met he thought I was introducing myself with the words, "I'm all over"

But seriously, I will ask you to send my little cousin some reiki, and your prayers, to whichever angels and saints might rally behind someone who has never heard of Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus, but who might very well be her spiritual sister, as she has become mine.

And okay...I know what you are thinking. How could an unenlightened soul ever recognize the real thing, and I will concede the point, but not in my case. Life takes place on so many levels, and most all of them are hopelessly tangled up. But my sister asks me the same thing, namely, "how do you know what you are listening for when you pray?" and all I can answer is that I just know, in exactly the same way that I know that i am alive. Kinda begs the question, huh? But no, it doesn't, because you know enlightenment in..well, nobody knows, and no-one can tell you, because maybe there was never anybody there. LOL

The fundamental insight of the Tibetan Vajrajana is precisely this, that enlightenment is but a skillful means (a benevolent delusion). Maybe that is all any of us are. LOL

Later, my Alf hart.

(we will joust beneath her branches. all of us. should be quite the orgy.)

all-over

Is there a protocol for any of whatever is going on in my life right now? I want you to keep this series of letters aside because I get a sense that one day I am going to need to read them again, if only to tell me how naive I was back then, within this now. Would you do that for me? It occurs to me not infrequently that maybe I am dreaming that I am awakening...only when I finally do wake up, it won't be the coffee I will be smelling. LOL. That would not be typical of you, but I would not put it past myself, because what I am is so scary I couldn't run as fast away from it as I am running towards it. Even Rumi felt that fear. Right to the core. Maybe God is being merciful with me, reeling me in slowly
-o

PS-I guess I am back to posting a few things once more  for posterity--or is that legacy perhaps?
Your other Alf hart