Our place, the Rosetta Nebula only - 4, 500 light years away. Imagine the freedom, the beautiful detachment and escape from the earthly realm . Be, act and behave in a way that all light beings behave; in a state of complete happiness, bliss and love--within the heart of God.
The card you had sent today simply moved me to tears. They often do, bit this one for some reason had a every emotional affect on me. Yes-I am in a very contemplative mood lately as I seem to see life changing right in front of me. At times I feel it is for the better at times just the opposite. I seem to be sliding back and forth--maybe the yin/yang of existence.
When death seems to come up in ones mind, the realization of its finality and that each one of us has to face it as it has been lately-like my aunt, or even little kitty cat, Cici, -then one wonders, questions and has to take a deep soul searching journey as to what life is. I am sure you had this experience, when you were so very ill a few years ago. These things often shake one into wakefulness and examining as to what is really important with regard to life--or more so the soul.
Maybe that is where I have been venturing lately--deeper into myself--if there is such a thing at all. I hate the uncertainty in me, the uneasiness and the 'who knows' parts. One`s faith should be able to cover all that ground quite comfortably, yet it dosn`t seem so . It used to when I was younger--maybe the thought of death was far from my mind. Death actually hadn`t touched me at all until my grandmother died when I was 17. Before that--everyone and all the living seemed eternal. The questions of God, of heaven and hell were strictly a catechism question, and God was simple always "was present" for me. Maybe the nuns did a good job, or I have no idea why. But-God was always present in my life since I can remember, and that was when I was just 3.
However these days all that I believed , believe so deeply is becoming more and more difficult. Though, it shouldn`t be like that at all-on the contrary, should be more and more easy. Yet, I seem to be finding it heavier and heavier to lift this load of spirit or perhaps to understand it more fully. Or just at this point realizing that everything ends--and no matter how much one believes there is always a big or a small doubt, even the saints faced that. The interesting thing is that--the ones who believe have these doubts, the ones who don`t just don`t think about it. So that then becomes rather easy way to cope with theses thoughts --well that is what I think, I maybe wrong.
Even Buddha asked these questions for over 6 years--, until he just got enlightened under that Bodhi tree--but I wonder if at times even after that he still doubted that he had found the answer. But then--had he? Yes-all saints had doubts every other day so it seems. Well this is the blessing of being human, of being able to think of having awareness.
I am so uneasy these day, so uneven on my feet, so unsure about the present and the reality around me-- and what exactly is reality and what is not.--I have no idea about what everything or anything is about. I have no questions, never mind answers. I feel as if the other shoe will drop at any minute--yet, I am not sure that the first shoe has actually dropped at all. All I know is that I don`t know anything--that is why I am in this contemplative sphere of mind--or territory.
Thank you for you love and kindness today--I too love you most deeply.
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