About living #29

The sign of infinity comes to mind--or more so the symbolism of God in the two figure eights entwined in various geometric forms, here I have one so imagination is necessary to have two. One vertically the other horizontally--with the very seed of God within its centre, before coming into  "being". Does it give me peace, solace and repose within the knowledge that God actually is, and is present in each and every action of our human endeavour whatever that maybe? -- as I am trying to understand it with a more scientific mind according to the "creational theory" that I have explored lately--though is still makes no more sense than any other, just a bit more scientific with mathematical equations and geometric calculations and the latest theoretical physics,  but the answers are still the same: We have no actual proof, only personal observations or experiences of the divine.

At times-- no, at most times very much so only my "personal" religious history seems to be catching my soul`s understanding.  Habit perhaps. Past memories of childhood or just the truth as no matter how we dissect it, cut it, turn it inside out--there are no understandable answers that can be comprehended with the human intellect. Thus--what is often left is just simply matters of faith--and individual concept thereof, for one is as correct as the other--be you a Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist or any other belief system new, old or ancient that exists--probably even atheism for even they believe in something, as I have come to understand some of the "new atheists". The importance is in and to what depth your roots go--how far down, which actually connects to God at the deepest of levels, in the deepest of ground.

When I wonder about God, especially at times like this--when there seems to be some finality of the earthly existence of that which or whom we love, be that an other beloved human being that we care about passionately, a loved animal that has found itself into our heart, even --sounds perhaps a bit crazy, but other living things in nature, like trees and plants that we care for. These times often catches me in the most profound unguarded position of incredible sadness and contemplation of existence itself. I am enveloped by tremendous uncertainty and doubt and guilt for lack of my faith, or the  lack of its strength. I feel ashamed that my faith is so weak, so diluted, so miserably shallow regarding my experiences of God, my trust within God that I keep acclaiming, yet probably I am the most unsure individual, which I know deep in my heart, but I am afraid to acknowledge it openly.

I know there is finality of every living thing on earth, yet we cling to it with desperation trying that is  all in our power to save it--yet God has His own time for everything; as is said  Ecclesiastes. We can pray, beg, scream, shout, throw a hissy fit--it won`t matter one iota to God. As there is a time to say goodbye and that time is up to God if He exists. However if we truly believe. This is the gift, the actual grace of God, then we shall meet up with all that we love or have ever loved--that was or is alive, this thought then gives us a sense of tremendous peace. All that we ever loved and all that ever loved us--for all is the very substance of God. For whether we like it or not, all is finite except the soul--and I do believe even the soul of such little  animals as Cici, that we love or that have loved us.

When we are touched by love--every moment through that encounter we grow and develop--and really that is the reason for life. All life. I so wish to believe.

The Universe: 
I just want you to know that those animals you've known, who've moved beyond the veils of time and space, were forever changed by your love, they're alive and well, and they've banded together to ask me a favour... that I make sure you get this message.

Bark, meow, chirp, ergle -