Conversation with Our Lady

- I have no idea how this got to Quetzal..I brought it back here...I ;Suzie

 As I start to think even more, or rather not to think of my egoic chatter,....`listen` to is the real word I am looking for.  I seem to be growing,  so to speak into consciousness. The `now` part has always been present, often longer, often for shorter periods of time. I still have a bit of a hesitation of losing myself within my self. What stops me. Fear? I ask myself , what fear? Well to become totally detached from the world, yet I know that, that is my true state. That is who I am. That is where I have to dwell. That is my natural state. My divine self. The ideal state. Yet why the hesitation? Ego is a rather of a `bull dog`, won`t let go without a fight. And being constantly is the `now` is not exactly that, on the contrary; it is finding self, true self. So what`s up pussycat?? My bloody ego.

` Ego is your own creation. Your own road block. Thus now you realize as to what it is, you have the control. You can do anything and experience anything, create anything ...sans ego.!`

Conceptually I understand, philosophically I see, but somehow there is a form of sadness, of loss even thinking about it. Yet, the truth of the matter is I don`t cling much to the physical. I am  happy, there are sad times, but overall I am in a good space in my life,... but? Satisfied, ...but? That but is still missing. What is that but?

 `The but is the complete acceptance and realization whom you really are, why you are here, what your mission is. As it is said so often, you are here to have a human experience. Thus you should in every detail have it...and that means exactly`EVERYTHING` If you miss some you haven`t been in the totality of life, of my creation, feel every moment, experience every event and be one with each and every single of  all of my creation that you come into contact with. Feel how they feel, be them in every way`.

Those feelings I had the other day are still all the same, feel the same, the restlessness is the same. Nothing has changed. I know : `change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change`. Ok. I am more aware of everything, which I do consciously, it does scare me a bit to do it and be in that state so frequently. What if I get totally immersed and not come back?

` Back from where? That is exactly where I am, where I want you to be. Where you have to be. It is the source of your origin in form...your temporary home`. 

 All this is far too complicated for me.

My egoic mind keeps telling me that I can`t be in both worlds. It is this or that...choose.  The problem is I can`t totally detach myself from all. I know that is not the purpose of the exercise, but to be more fully `present in the now`. But that makes me feel guilty in a way that I am evading my responsibility to the world, my world. Jesus said; `you can`t serve two masters`. 

`True. But what are you doing now...no? On the contrary, only then you will be serving one, Me. For  I am that now, I am that spaciousness, I am always fully present in all. I am that formless you and you are Me. That is your divinity, your inheritance... you, the God   particle, and only though the `now` shall you experience me and you and all that there is. Remember, I am all that there is, in all, in everything. The material and the non-material worlds.I am everything and every none-thing. Fear not, for I am always with you!

Maybe I just don`t get it. Maybe I just want to dwell in the past, or in the future...for fear of losing the past? But that has already happened, and gone. Well it is in the now, when I think of it. Maybe I shouldn`t attach so much importance to it? The present is so bloody short honestly it depresses the hell out of me. Good and the bad, and time still keeps rolling on its merry way.

 `Forget time. Time does not exist. All is one. I told you that before. All is only good no matter how it looks`.

Well, what I have just decided, this very minute that I shall conduct an experiment. Everything that I will do I will do consciously, well as far as possible. If I go crazy then it wasn`t a success, if I come out a more enlightened being then it was. 

`It will be very successful. You will be very surprised.`

I still feel like crap today for some reason, no matter how in the `now` I am.When Rob used to talk about this, I always thought that it is rather an impossible task especially when love is involved. Well, now, seeing my love is  God knows where, doing God knows what, with God knows who. Thus I have no choice but practice it.

 `Forget about Oliver. He is doing exactly what you are, just think of it in those terms. No, he is doing it with no one, let me assure you. My words shall never pass, thus remember that I said you were one. It was my will that you are following. It is My way that is unfolding. It is all for your good, My good.`

Probably it is still this bloody romantic chatter of my ego going on and on and on like Elizabeth Browning, never ending ever whispering sweet nothings to me of how things were, and how things should be and all the soul-twin forever-eternity thingy.

Oh, yes...I see. That`s it. Ok, I shall do the `e-cards` from him, read them in the `now` and then never think of them, let them drift away...only when I read them again next time, whenever that maybe, or when  I feel like being in the romantic`now`, I shall visit them. 

`Finally you have got it. That is exactly what I want you to do, the rest will follow as day- the night- the day. Trust me.`

This is the plan!...looking at the above pictures looking at them dosn`t conjure up great romance, however, --to love the `formless` self is what real love is. Now I see that also. 

`Ah, but I have no form, thus my part in you has no form,...why should they or you have form where love is concerned?`