Forgiveness

“The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone like us to come along - people who will appreciate our compassion, our encouragement, who will need our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. It is overwhelming to consider the numerous opportunities there are to make our love felt-and always forgive.

–Leo Buscaglia 

Not forgiving the past can cause us enormous physical, mental and emotional upheaval.  It is essential to forgive for our health and well-being, for negative emotions have serious consequences in the form of disease.  Not only do we need to forgive others but also ourselves. For all the times we have been angry at ourselves for not doing the right thing, for failing, for all the ways we feel disappointment in unmet goals and so many other things.

Forgiveness is a choice, one which we would be wise to make, for in every circumstance no matter how difficult or justified, the willingness to determine our own freedom from suffering is ours to initiate. So how do we go about forgiving? First we must understand what it means. Many of us do not forgive because we misunderstand what it truly means.

Forgiveness does not mean that we condone what was done. It does not mean that we forget what was done. However we need to remember so that we do not let it happen again. It does not mean that we have to reconcile with the person we are forgiving. We do not have to remain in contact with the person who has hurt us and can continue to hurt us.

Forgiveness does not depend on an apology from the other or that they change their ways, otherwise they will continue to hold power over us indefinitely. Neither does forgiveness is recognizing the suffering of the past, the understanding of what brought about the act of the other person. This is usually ignorance. Someone who has not healed their own pain, and consciously or unconsciously acts in the same way to hurt another.

Forgiveness is recognizing that we are sharing in the burden of the cosmic pain. We can choose to meet our pain with joy. Forgiveness is about creating peace of mind for ourselves where we can heal the past and begin to trust others and ourselves again. Without forgiveness we perpetuate the illusion that grudges can heal our pain or change the past for the better.

Forgiveness takes courage, clarity and compassion, it does not come easily nor does it happen quickly. Some people say forgive and forget, but it is not so superficial. It is a process that goes through many stages. We will be going through grief over our losses, anger, and sadness over our pain.   When we eventually make the choice to forgive,  we release the clutches of the past and let love enter our hearts again. We soften our bodies, our minds and our emotions. It is a process that we have to do over and over again until we can truly let go and become free of suffering.