Suicide

 
Often in life it takes one incidence that can change ones way of thinking entirely-this happened today with me. Throughout the years in my practice I have seen many patients with different complaints, diseases including mental illness as well as people dealing with death. But today was different for some strange reason  as I saw a new patient, her  39 year old son had committed suicide two years ago. 

 We always say-we understand how an other feels losing a child or a loved one, but do we really? Today I did, her pain was so palpable within me, I have never experienced this ever before. I actually felt her pain and it made me think very deeply about responsibility towards the one`s we love- how our actions intertwine with each other and how very connected we are.  I saw clearly how especially suicide is the worst devastating thing that one can place upon a loved one, mentally, spiritually, emotionally as well as physically.

Diseases are inevitable, we try our best to get better, to get cure- or in the end one resigns oneself to death, but with suicide it is so sudden and unexpected, above all preventable. I also realize now why in every religion suicide is prohibited-it is not the pain we cause ourselves; for who knows what happens after death- either we go to a better place, or simply we come to an end, but the enormous pain we leave behind upon our loved one`s who have to live with it for years is unforgivable. 

The deep sense of guilt, the self blame, as well as feeling of responsibility for their action is inescapable. The one`s left behind are often plagued by thoughts that they should have seen the signs. This  causes horrendous pain in the heart and soul. The hauntings of the thoughts that perhaps there was something someone could have done never leaves. What a terrible legacy to leave and place such a burden upon our loved ones.