I so wish I could explain myself like you can.Your wondrous words. Beautiful words, expression that can describe every nuance of feeling of life and of the human the heart. The words are in my being very present, but expressing my emotions and feelings come hard. Tonight I feel sad, totally alone , in utter desperation. I wish you were here. I wish all could be the way it was. I wish to return to the way we were. We were great together.Were we not? Happy? How I miss all that. How did we get here? We committed no crime, yet we are punished.
The wind is howling outside, reminds me of moors in Wuthering Heights. It all ends in in death. Cold, desolate and lonely. There is no comfort there. No escape. Life never ends well, not a single life. Is all this an omen? I have a strange feeling of uneasiness, of foreboding and a fear of some inevitable is going to happen. I seldom feel this. It frightens me so. Life, as it is these days seldom makes sense. I feel so alien in my own life these days. I look in the mirror and a stranger keeps staring back. Why? I feel I don`t belong. I feel I am marking time. I feel a form of desperation clutching at my heart. The days the nights,the weeks,the months all seem to run into each other. I lose count of the days, the dates and all sense of reality feels utterly alien.
Jesus said, "I have come to seek and to save that which was lost" (Luke 19:10). If you are seeking Jesus, you can be assured of this: He is actually seeking you. When a seeking Saviour seeks a seeking person, it doesn't take long to connect. And when a seeking faith becomes a resting faith, enjoying peace in Christ, that ultimately becomes a knowing faith, where we experience the wonderment of God's working in our lives… and the deepest need of the human heart is met.
Peace? Not today. There are days in one`s life when one just wishes to escape the bounds of the earth. Today was a day as such. I know that all is always as it needs to happen, however at times this is very painful to accept. These times I find I just need to fly away into the realms of the unknown, perhaps into the arms of God. My faith has always been strong, but we get tested.
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