The dandelion

The Dandelion


                                  An ancient love story of loves lost and found in a letter.

My dearest love  Charles;

It is with the  happiest of hearts and the saddest heart my dearest, that I write this letter. Alas, happy because what joy, what happiness each moment spent with you brings always to my heart, and  sad because the events of the previous days  have been totally erased from your mind. But one cannot fight the power of the goddesses…but no matter what , the power of love will prevail, and so shall it forever.


 I thought I would  relate the events of the other night, and that my love perhaps may break the spell of Lethe and You will once more remember. I am so grateful that God answered my prayers and that you are better. The past days were eternity. It was  like a dagger in my heart filled with fear for your life, knowing that You have been unconscious for almost two days. But  today Emma especially rode over to tell me that Dr. Hardy said you will be alright, and out of danger. But sadly still you cannot remember the events of the previous days, you had totally have forgotten every moment of our last meeting.  Your fever has subsided and shall be able to travel by Saturday.  That downpour was awful, I too was soaked, but you had a distance to travel no wonder you became ill. I know all this will make you remember. Our story of the dandelion.

I was positively thrilled and my heart leap for joy as I read your note Monday  morning that you had sent over with  your sister Emma…at least we have one ally in her . Truly she is more of a sister to me than  my very own. Please convey to her that I shall never forget her compassion towards us , and for understanding the events of our lives . Oh, if only things could be different what I would give, but I suppose we have to be thankful for the love we have, even it has to be forever in the shadows.  But  my darling, I am certainly not complaining.  William has been away with the hunting party for over a week at the Chelmford`s , he should be back tomorrow. Plans for  mother`s birthday ball is already being planned. It should be a wonderful event, as usual…well you know father, if he does something it has to be big, and this shall be so. The talk of Lancashire county every year.  I hope you shall be able to attend, even if it has to be with Caroline, I don`t even care anymore , as long as I am able to see you once more my love.

I had thought that maybe you had left for  London last Sunday, with Caroline as planned.  I was  thrilled to read your words that it was postponed till Saturday, and  that we had been given  one more chance to be together. I live only for these stolen times with you. My life without you would be worthless in every sense and without you I know I wouldn`t want to get on. It would be impossible. But, I shall not dwell on the negative, but on all the love that you have given me, even if  it is always in secret. I shall never forget your words of the other day .


`Why is it that we always seem to meet at the wrong time`. 


This gives me so much hope in fact. Why? Because I believe your words, that maybe we shall one day meet in the right time, and at the right time. I know that you meeting Madame Blavatsky was not a coincidence last year, it was meant to be. Her book  has impacted both our lives beyond measure, and to me, her philosophy is the only hope I have for us. I so believe. Perhaps there shall come a day for theosophy, and the truth behind it, even if we shall not be able to see it in this life.

Your note was brief.  `Dearest…please meet me at the pond at 6pm, by the two Willow trees. Counting the very moments till I see You again. Forever , Your Charles`.

Last Monday was a spectacular sun filled day, I knew that it was a special day. This summer  of 1889 has been extraordinary for me because I have met you. Funny, because I had often dreamt about you, without knowing you for years. But reading Madame Blavatsky it is all rather clear to me how and why we have been destined to be together. Each day my gratitude rises up in prayer, that God has blessed us so.

All day I was as if in a dream. I couldn`t eat drink or concentrate at all from the excitement of seeing you once again. My heart felt as if it was going to jump out of my chest. Oh, the power of love, what it is able to do to one`s soul. I often wonder if you my love, feel the same in any way.  Can you imagine what you actually do to my heart?

No one was home. The whole family had gone to London for the week to Aunt Jane. I was feeling a bit poorly and implored father to leave me behind, which reluctantly he had. Mother was rather upset, and put up her usual discourse, but father was on my side. Thank God or I would have missed you completely.  The house has been rather empty, all the servants were given a few days of. Only the scullery and chamber maid, Millie and Ann, Mrs. Bates and James are in the house, and the stable hands.  So I did not have to sneak around and had time to get ready.

I asked Mrs. Bates to pack us a special picnic basket. I said I would leave it up to her to pack, she is such a wonderful cook. She certainly did, enough for a dozen people.  Sliced roast duck, honey glazed ham, smoked beef with vegetable aspic. Crisp cucumber salad, potatoes with mayonnaise and her wonderful bread that she bakes everyday.  Slices of that poppy seed cake you so love the last time you were here.  Our favourite strawberries and fresh whipped cream. I asked James to go down to the wine cellar and fetch two bottles of champagne…one the date of Your birth 1859, the other mine 1867. I thought it would be special for us to do that, being born on the day that in fact the champagne was born into the bottle.

After what seemed like an endless day, five o`clock arrived. James brought out the phaeton, and saddled up my other love, `Lightening`, who would on his magic hooves would take me to you.   I would have preferred to just ride down, but there was the picnic basket and a few other necessities to carry. Namely,  a huge  red plaid blanket, and an other basket with the utensils, plates, glasses and the champagne. I did send back a note with Emma that very morning, so You knew I would be there.

`Dearest…I  shall be there, with a white Magnolia with my hair…who`s perfume You so love. I shall bring the food. I would so very much appreciate my love,  if You would bring Your copy of Mrs. Browning`s sonnets, so that perhaps we may read them. It will be rather special, being alone for the first time with You…Your love forever, Julianna`.

I wore my green velvet dress, with the lace bodice, the one I had on when I met You at the Henderson`s ball, remember that night? That was truly conjured up by Psyche for us. What a game she has set up for us, I wonder where it will end? Well, enough of imaginings. Good or bad, we leave it up to fate. What is of importance now is that we shall meet once more today, the rest shall happen as it must.

The magnolia tree in front of the conservatory is laden with blossoms at this time, so I picked one for my hair, and about a half a dozen blooms for You, in a sterling vase. The carriage was packed, even the vase was quite safe and by quarter to six I was on my way. Lightening is rather a gentle beast, so I had no problem with him whatsoever, and were down by the pond in about ten minutes.

And there you were standing ever so handsome, in Your white puffy sleeved shirt with  black cravat tied loosely around your neck, black pants and riding boots, just like a dream out of a fairy tale. My very own knight.  Smiling with such warmth and tenderness, welcoming me, helping me down from the carriage. Pulling me to yourself, wrapping your arms around me, like tendrils of a vine. How safe I felt, how very loved, locked in embrace. Your kisses falling down onto my face like gentle snow flakes, and searching out each other`s wanting lips. First kissing very gently, becoming ever more forceful  with the rising passion, we but almost sucking the very breath from each other. That sweet loving breath, that is the very breath of love itself.

` My darling love I love You , my angel, my all`, you whispered breathlessly,` Look what I made especially for you`. From the grass You picked up a garland of daisies and forget-me-nots woven into a chain, and placed it around my neck .`It`s for you my sweet, so you shall never, ever  forget me for countless lifetimes to come. Each time You see a daisy or a forget-me-not, you shall know I am thinking of you somewhere in time. I swear to you that I shall always be loyal to our love. Always, and forever as it was always , as will be only always  just you. I shall always seek you out wherever you maybe`.

I was so overcome with love for you that I just coudn`t stop my tears. They were falling like rain from my eyes and from my heart.  You moved me so much. I just wanted to stay there in your arms forever, just be with you, hold you, kissing you till the end of time.  This love in my heart is so overwhelming for you that I thought my heart would burst. Had I that moment the choice of being with you for but an hour, or simply die,  I would gladly  have chosen death. That is what an impact your spirit had on me. 

`I shall forever love you, my sweet love. Every breath that I shall take shall be a whisper of love for you`, I promised you there on the banks of that pond , so long ago. And so it shall always be thus`. 

After a long while, and a  some composure  we finally unpacked all the things from the carriage. Rolled out the blanket on the bank of the pond amongst the carpet of magnificent wildflowers of various colours. Daisies, Golden Rods, wild forget-me –nots, purple cone flowers, bluebells, thistles, yarrow even foxglove  by the score.The grass was filled with red and yellow clover, like little beads. We  unpacked the picnic basket under those ancient Willows. There was  just a hint of a breeze, and the air filled with the fragrance of all the wild blossoms. A pair of white swans were lazily rocking back and forth on the water that seemed to look like liquid gold from the rays of the sun.

`Look Charles. There`s a  giant Dandelion  by the waters edge. Isn`t it gorgeous. I shall pick it gently for you, so as not to disturb it. This is my gift for you. A dandelion is a sign of loyalty. Never shall I love anyone more than you. Ever. So look after it well and when you look at it , remember today. Remember me.

`I always shall Julianna sweetheart. Always`.

Lunch was  just wonderful. Had a few glasses of the champagne, talked, kissed and talked some more. Fed each other strawberries and cream one at a time, licking each others fingers in rather seductive fashion. eventually becoming it all became rather messy. As You thought that it would be rather fun to get all the cream over my face and licking it off, in apology. 


Well this wasn`t to be tolerated, so in a moment of fancy, being rather close to the edge of the pond, I thought that I would exercise my revenge. I pushed you in. `Splash`, you went down like a rock. And vanished. I thought this to be tremendous fun but after some time when you failed to surface, I got into a panic. I thought I would die right there on the spot. 


I screamed your name. You were nowhere to be seen I was frantic, filled with fear I took off the daisy chain  you had given me. That was so important to me. I practically tore of  my bodice and dress all the tiny buttons on the front just popped of, and I jumped into the pond in my petticoat, hoping to save you. 


As I did so something grabbed my legs , pulling me under the water. It was sheer terror. Then all of a sudden I was pushed up, towards the light by something, it was you. We surfaced. You laughed and laughed, I was very upset and crying. 


`Oh my love`, You consoled me. I don`t die that easily when I have you to live for. Please, please I am so sorry I frightened You`, as you lifted me out of the water in your arms, kissing me all over my face all the while. And putting me down gently on the blanket.

`Don`t You ever do that to me ever, frighten me . I was afraid not for myself but you. If ever you do this again I will surely die`, I was trying to sound stern, a little angry, but serious about my comment.  But I was relieved that you were alright. `I think that we really should take of  our clothes so they may dry`. I  have two extra blankets  in the carriage.

`Good idea`, as you started removing your clothes, `better clothes Your eyes, my love, or you will turn into a pillar of salt seeing a man naked`. Having a good chuckle at my expense.

`Well I`am the same goes for You , seeing a woman naked`.

`Probably true, but I have seen women naked. It will not be a shock for me as for you, nor will I turn into stone`, laughing.

`Oh is that a fact. And how do you know my love that I haven`t seen a man naked before? Perhaps I have. Maybe many` .

`Oh, a sophisticated women I see. Oh, that is so wonderful then I don`t have to be bashful`, laughing  grabbing my hand and pulling me down onto the blanket still in my wet lace petticoat. `Okay seeing that that is the case I shall help you to get all this wet stuff off you.  You won`t mind. Will You?`

`Well I don`t know this is a totally new sensation for me`. I was a bit unsure what I was getting myself into.

`Okay…I shall walk You through step, by step. Is that alright with you darling?`

`Yes…maybe`, I mumbled with an uncertain voice.

`I think I will take off my shirt first and it is becoming rather uncomfortable and sticky. Well, that should cause you much concern`, as you smiled at me assuring, removing your shirt, as well as your soggy boots and pants. I closed my eyes tightly.


 `Oh, come on now sweetheart, seeing a man naked I promise will not turn you into a pumpkin`, laughing at my silly behaviour. `Open your eyes Julianna love, open them , look at me`, as you guided my hand onto your chest and placed it over your heart.


 `Hear that, feel it …it`s beating just for you. Loving you`. Suddenly I had this overwhelming compulsion to kiss you, to touch you. Every part of you. And I did, with passion I never thought I had. I wanted you to experience you , be one with you in every possible way. Hearing your heart beat so close to me. It made everything so clear to me in a strange way seeing clearly that our love was predestined, meant to be. How blessed we were. How thankful we should be for this divine gift.

You slid the straps of my petticoat down the side of my arms, kissing me down my arms as You did so  and one by one unbuttoned the buttons on the front. And removed it. Wow, never was I ever naked with a man, never had I seen a man naked. Now what? Actually it felt wonderful. You touching me, kissing parts of me that have never been kissed. I only  hoped that  you knew the steps, what to do  as I was totally in the dark. All I knew is that I adore you, and wanted to be with you forever, love you  for ever and for the first time in my mind I wanted you to make love to me. What ever that entailed, at this point I had no idea.

Here we were lying in each other arms totally naked, and it felt wonderful to feel the heat of your body, to feel the beating of your heart, to feel your closeness. You were lying on your back now, and I on top of you. Touching your face, kissing your eyes, neck chest brought shivers down my spine, as I felt a  shiver pass through you like an electric current as my lips touched your body. Running my fingers through your hair,  feeling , tracing the outlines every contour of your face with my fingers aroused such passion in me that which I had never felt before, being rather foreign, but the sensation unbelievably enjoyable. 


You just closed your eyes and sighed deeply at each touch of my fingers and whispering `Don`t ever stop my love. If this is love, then don`t ever stop. I love you so very much, I can`t even tell you as it`s beyond words it`s all here`, pointing to your heart.

Gently you moved me over and were over me, pressing your body gently into mine. You kissed my face , neck, stroked my face, hair with such tenderness, passion.  Moving down my body.  Kissing my breast, and stopping over me heart. 


`I too can hear, feel your heart beat Julianna sweetheart. `I have forever have loved you. Not just now but always`, you whispered. `Do You understand that, do you? `a strange expression came over your face,`Do You know what is forever? Well, I will tell you it`s us going on all eternity. Why, how I don`t know, but we are fated for that. Our love is love of all ages, of eons and finally eventually will be together, never leaving each other,  be totally one somewhere in time and never be separated. Twin souls, part of each other, two parts of a whole.` You sounded dead serious, `I don`t know how, or why we were chosen, but we were and this is our fate`.

You leaned over and kissed  me with such passion that you took my very breath away. The perspiration soaking both of us, the heat of passing rising to beyond control. I wanted you so much, be part of you, be one with you., merge with you physically, mentally, spiritually. Just To love, protect, be with you forever.

Our mouths, hands, exploring each other. Parts no other living person has touched. Secret places of love, passion and sensuality. I could contain my passion no longer.


`Make love to me, make love to me Charles my love, my life my all. I so need you to be one with you`. We did, What love, ecstasy what pleasure. As we became one, all worldly concerns fell away. We were no longer earth bound, but out in the cosmos, out in some galaxy, floating, flying amongst the myriads of stars, different constellation.  Vibrant kaleidoscope of lights flashing, whirling swirling around us as our auras merged into one. We created this magnificence of light that can only be created by true love , a love that is a gift that very few souls experience, and we have the gift, We were given the gift of recognition, the gift of remembering, the gift of eternity.

We awoke in each others arms, as it was dark , cold and flashes of lightning. A terrible storm had arisen. We gathered all our stuff, and got dressed in our wet clothes. I was minutes from home, but you had at least a half an hours ride. We hugged, you didn`t want to let me go from your embrace. 


`You are my love for ever and even longer, You whispered with tears in your eyes. `Never forget the daisy chain. Ever`.

 `I never shall  and You never forget the giant dandelion,.`, as I smiled. `You are also my love forever ,my darling, darling love. Never in many lifetime shall I forget this day with you. I love you my angel, my life`. We said goodbye and we rode of in different directions, both of us filled with tears, but memories forever.