Peace and friends

 

 I know which peace I am looking for. I know what it looks like. It is nothing more nor less than the conscious and immediate presence of god in my life. And that peace--where is it found? It is found in my envy of Michael who not only writes better and thinks clearer than I do, but has found his peace with the Lord and can thus articulate the blessed love and gentleness that I want so desperately to share with the world but cannot.

( Michael, you are my spiritual brother and it shames me deeply that I am afraid to love you as I should. Though we are equal in the eyes of god, I feel you are my spiritual better and that threatens me, in my egoism. I apologize to you on that account, and beg you in tears to forgive me. You deserve better than being on the receiving end of my insecurities and self-doubt. I love you, my friend, and would love you yet more. In you I hear the very voice of my inmost heart. Your soul sings the song I cannot sing. From my heart, in humbleness, (I thank you.)

And where is my peace found? It is found in all that I can never say to Aaron as a fellow Jew, because we come from worlds so distant and far apart that there can never be a bridge of understanding between us. I fear his unconditional rejection of me and stand in awe of the searing power of his zeal. (Aaron, there is not a day goes by when I do not pray for you. Your courage, your integrity, your passion is a blessing to the whole of he world and an inspiration to me that is so deep and so powerful that it frightens me. I tremble in humility before your vision, and like a younger brother ask only that you keep me within your heart and not utterly cast me out and reject me.)

And where is my peace found? It is found in my love for my radiant soul-sister…my dearest Hobbit, whom I regard as one of the greatest writers, visionaries and thinkers of this or any other century. And not a day goes by when I do not stand mute before the tremendous debt which I have incurred simply by virtue of having had the privilege of knowing her again in this life.

( Errin…I will carry the standard of your supernal light unto the ages and even unto the end of all ages. No words could ever express the gift which you are or all that you mean to me. I love you. It is that simple and that complex).

And where is my peace found? It is found in you Dawn Benbow and in my variable frustrations with you! When will you stop hiding and let your light shine as it should? My incredible admiration for your spirit and your indomitable courage lifts me up unto the very heights of glory even as the true power of your vision and your light--which you stubbornly refuse to recognize in fullness--never fails to make me happy. That you dare live in as cold a place as Michigan speaks volumes in itself. Your humility admonishes me, sister. For that I am ever grateful. You are a true blessing to all whose lives you touch with your gentle twinkling and your innocence and your faith in the simple goodness of humankind.

And where is my light found--the light of my peace? Yes Gill…you are a spiritual warrior of the highest caliber. Long may you wander the star-roads of heaven. It is truly a tremendous honor to know you. You have traveled far, and yet further shall you travel into the mysteries of your infinite being. Brave pilgrim-soul. You inspire me to teach and to reach out unto the four corners of the earth until the world is ablaze with the reverberations of my lions-roar. My prayers are ever with you. And in all of you silent watchers to this drama which is Assisi...without you we would not be what we are. My peace and blessings to all of you.

So then…as the immortal bunny said: "that's all folks".

If you want me to stay, then stay I will, but only if I hear from you all. I cannot promise inspiration or sweet roses…only ever the rain that feeds them and the shit they grow in. Mine is not the portion of gentle kindness or inspiring sentiments that make all things right and beautiful and glowing. I am no optimist and never will be one. I give only what I have. But this I promise--what I give here, I will give ever and always straight from the heart, no matter how much it hurts to say it. Okay?

My formula for peace is very simple and but extremely difficult: it is to stand before each other even as we stand before our god…naked, raw, and bleeding. Until we can share our fears and our tears and our vulnerabilities without shame and without excuse we will have no peace. Until we can look at each others secret selves without flinching; until we can be vulnerable with each other, and that in recognition of our inalienable dignity as human beings, the peace we long for will remain an illusion that can do no more than give comfort in the night of unreason.

My vision for this group: that we have the sheer guts it will take to share with each other honestly how it is that we create the peace of the presence of the holy spirit in our day to day lives. And/or how we don't. Let us weep together at our failures and rise together in triumph at our victories then. Let us then truly be our commitment to peace. We can each of us be each others strength. When it comes right down to it, folks--we have only each other, and if we can create the living peace of god amongst each other, and for each other, then truly are we gathered in his name, and his blessed name will cover the earth with his mercy and the mighty peace of his unending love.

Long live the Jihad. Long live our little family. Long live the fond

hope it might become one.

Luci