I have loved you for a long long time, still do, well let truth be told forever. Feels like eons ago, yet like this moment. Funny the feeling. Especially the mornings are a reminder of writing the notes, and the dark nights talking till morning . Happy times filled with laughter and joy. Opening your letters in loving anticipation. The peaceful times of quiet contemplation by the Jacaranda tree. The still times of energies sent and received. All the caring time of my kitty`s death, your painful tooth and death of your beloved dog. The gentle times of your beautiful, angelic words and terms of endearment. I being your muse, your hero. This lives as eternal fire within me. Thank you in humble gratitude. How can I ever recompense you for all you have given me?
There are the sad times of feeling alone and abandoned. Questioning of intention filled with fear and the panic of loss. The pain of times of deep wounding with words spoken and written thoughtlessly in the heat of the moment. The stabbing in heart created without reason or rhyme, all those terrible hurtful times. The lashing out in all manner, lying , cheating so as to make the wounds deeper. I am so very, very sorry. We did it to ourselves knowingly. Did it anyway well aware of the consequences.
All the events are equally important as an other. Loving you through violent storms (remember the message of the rain drops) , warm sunny days, and cloudy afternoons. Through the awakening of nature in spring, summer gentle rains, blizzards of winter and the coolness of the Canadian fall. I feel you around me, within me. But then we have never did part. Did we? Right?
I know our love is real, is authentic and special. I so loved the physicality of our old life though,which is squandered away forever. Moment spent in thought and words with you. I don`t believe that time will ever be again. The wounds that were inflicted during some heated moments need much more time. Yes, we are both guilty of that. I think about you an awful lot, the more so lately. Why? You tell me. Every day you are present. All the precious moments of love, of experiences of thoughts expressed are with me moment to moment. Things, ideas and experiences we shared. It know it is as true for you as it is for me.
You, who resides in my heart. You my other self . I don`t think I need to be ever forgiven for loving you so much, even the angels I am sure declare it from above and are witnesses to the fact.
The days of kindness, joy, pleasure, happiness, love and tenderness all abide in my soul . Though I have to admit that all these feelings at times manifest as tears. But, all has passed, as all things do only the memories remain. Nothing is ever permanent but change. Remember I always said that.
``I did my best: it wasn`t much, I couldn`t feel, so I learned touch. I `ve told the truth, I didn` come to fool you. And though it all went wrong, I`ll stand before the Lord of Song with nothing on my lips but Hallelujah!``
from Hallelujah/ Leonard Cohen
I pray that a loving memory exists for you too, the precious ones we overthrew for an education in the world. Was it worth it?
``Love went on and on, until it reached an open door, then love itself was gone ``
from Love Itself/ Leonard Cohen
As with us! ... I don`t think so, only MIA. Always be happy my love, my heart, my all, my Indigo Dragon.
Your ever loving Red Dragon /21 Feb/2012
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